To not contribute to DH child maintenance

Wow what an amazing mother just oh yeah I’m not picking him up your problem.

Poor kid. Did he even know that his mother was going away?

Not your responsibility to pay his maintenance which if he has zero wage will become zero anyway.

No.

Did I say that you said anything about the OP's responsibility?

Did I say anything about OP's responsibility?

You have no formal responsibility to pay maintenance. You are perfectly reasonable in telling DSS's mum that the answer is no, you will not discuss it further, and (if you like) that any further communications should go through DSS's dad.

It sounds like DH has lost a contract, not an actual job, because he could not work during the week DSS was unexpectedly with you? In some cases, he might still have legal recourse but it depends very much on the circumstances (e.g., if it's a long term contract, etc.) If not, and if he did everything he could to minimise the impact on his client while still making sure his son was cared for adequately and the client will not reconsider the decision to end the contract, then he needs to move on BUT ALSO examine what happened and see if he can get some safeguards and back-up plans in case so it doesn't happen again.

If the money his ex is asking for is part of a formal arrangement he will need to pay it from another source but it is none of his ex's business how he works that out (including borrowing from you if that made sense); she should be completely out of any discussions. BUT I would look at (1) whether he really owes what he is paying - if ex is routinely sending DSS to DH when she is scheduled to have him, DH should count up the nights DS has spent at each house over the last year and see if he actually owes as much money as he has been paying and (2) if there is a formal arrangement, he can challenge his ex on violating it. If there is not a formal arrangement, it may be time for one.

@MagnoIiaHold on a minute. What if the mom moves away ? Should the father follow her around all over the country?! Dh ex moved literally, off the top of my head, 5 times ! Why should we always uproot ourself and our children together because she couldn’t hold a relationship down ?!

@Naunet

I agree that men and women should be held to the same standards. That's why I don't judge either men or women who, through a valid reason, don't see their children as much as might be hoped or preferred.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Block her. Cma will just go to £0 whilst he’s unable to work. Stupid cow did it to herself!

Why not taxis to his mum's where he would jump on the bus? I realise that's expensive but not worth losing a job over!

Is he self employed or employed? You've implied both. If he's employed, surely he's entitled to emergency family leave so I'd be seeking advice. If he's self employed like you said initially why is this job his only work?

I do strongly believe in parents living close together post divorce, but we don’t know who moved away here

This, or (very expensive) taxis. But at least he'd still have his job. Seems like a rather extreme result of the situation...

Some mothers are disgraceful, but you can’t tell Mumsnet that !
It sounds like a trick dh ex would’ve pulled, forgot she’s going on holiday, does she think you were born yesterday?! And then to demand you pay her 😂

You are not liable for your DH child maintenance, I would be blocking his ex if she is contacting you directly.
As it was such an important week for your DH was the only option him missing work? Wasn’t there any alternative ie friends, a local childminder, family member that could have helped out for that week with before/after school.
It’s done now, and his ex will just have to wait for him to get a new job, she was the one that ‘forgot’ to say she was going on holiday.
I hope your DH finds something again soon.

Some mums think they're the main character and can use their children as weapons to poke at their exes.

Don't give her a penny.

There really must have been some other option other than your DH losing his job. Could you not stick him in a cab there and back? Or ring the school for advice?

What an awful situation. Not going with the grain of mumsnet, but some mums are just shitty!

Having him EOW is pretty normal when there is distance so I don’t think he should be getting flamed like he does.

In no world is her behaviour acceptable. It’s sad he lost his job but he sounds like a decent man who wants to help his child.

If you go through CMS call them and explain he’s lost his job (you don’t need to go into why they don’t care) and that he won’t be able to afford child maintenance until he gets a new one. Technically you are mean to tell them when your wage changes by a certain % so you can just fill out a change of income form as this is the case.

If not through CMS don’t pay her a penny. Honestly some mothers baffle me! Hope he finds another job quickly.

Err, they were also discussing fathers that see their kids every other weekend, not father's that live with their kids, but that was fine for you to introduce?! One rule for you, another for me, is it?! I think we're done here.

A4nd no I don't know women who are judged for working flat out with kuds

Because people were discussing fathers lol

Good for you. Im entitled to my own views though and that view is that men should be held to the same standard as women when it comes to parenting.

What a dirty trick for her to pull! What a load of bullocks that she forgot she was going on fucking holiday?!
She knew damn well what she was doing. Hardly in the best interest of her poor son is it? Hopefully he will be too young to understand his own mother deliberately abandoned him to go on holiday.
Absolutely your husband should stop paying CMS if he's not working. Its based on HIS salary and only that alone, not household income. If she contacts the CMS they will say the same. Its her mess, she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. The child's father is now out of work because she fancied a jolly week away without any thought for anyone else. Boo fucking hoo to her, I hope it was worth it and people wonder why co-parenting is so fucking difficult with mothers like her about.

@Naunet

If a mother's working circumstances mean that she could only see her children in a more limited fashion, I wouldn't judge her either.

This
she can go thru CSA

What a shitty person she is! No, you obviously don't owe her child maintenance, and I wouldn't contribute to it. I'd sincerely hope she's low on money, has to count every penny, and doesn't enjoy her holiday at all.

She’s having a laugh