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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say clear the building materials or I leave?

36 replies

BetteDavisChin · 15/05/2026 11:17

When we got together, my H and I bought a doer upper house. Took us two years. When it was almost done we moved in. Our large garden had piles of left-over materials strewn all over - piles of bricks, concrete, stacks of roof tiles, bags of sand, lengths of pipes, you get the idea.
It was left like this for 2-3 years. I did as much as I could myself to tidy up as he wouldn't help.
Long story short, we moved house and I stupidly agreed to buy another doer upper, stipulating that he had to get rid of any surplus.
The work was finished around 3-4 months ago. Guess what? It has happened again- surplus building materials all over the garden and no sign of it being moved😡
We are 12 years older than the last time and I do a bit of tidying away every day, but I'm worn out and sick to death of living like this.
I want to give him a choice - get it sorted or I am leaving.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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MotherTuckinGenius · 15/05/2026 13:33

This is such a none problem! Just phone a rubbish removal firm or like others have suggested put it on Facebook 🤷🏼‍♀️

DuskOPorter · 15/05/2026 13:30

One last thought but if you have been able to get through two doer uppers in your time together in spite of your current thoughts about adding him to the skip you hire that actually says an awful lot about your relationship and how good it is. The is incredibly impressive and no mean feat.

Chasbo · 15/05/2026 12:45

Soontobe60 · 15/05/2026 12:30

Why should he be doing it? Are women incapable of moving building rubble and chucking it into a skip?
OP, I’ve lived in 2 doer uppers and we have worked together to do certain tasks, most prominently filling bloody skips! It’s a job I hate, as does DH, but clearing rubbish together gets the job done quicker.

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Absolutely, I agree with you and have done many a skip load plus many builder's bags of whatever. I'm the "leaver/not completer/finisher" in our relationship, so things get half-done all the time until I finally sort it.

But here, it was part of their agreement and he's not fulfilled his promise.

She should know better tho and just get it sorted.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 12:39

Fantailed · 15/05/2026 12:38

Then she shouldn’t threaten to?

OP, what is stopping you just arranging to have the stuff cleared yourself?

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I’m aware of that, I was answering someone else!

Fantailed · 15/05/2026 12:38

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 11:49

Because she doesn’t actually want to leave her husband and her home!

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Then she shouldn’t threaten to?

OP, what is stopping you just arranging to have the stuff cleared yourself?

Sparkletastic · 15/05/2026 12:36

Hire someone and hope DH feels some secondhand embarrassment about failing to pull his weight.

DuskOPorter · 15/05/2026 12:32

Handy man for a day and a skip, much cheaper than divorce.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 12:32

Soontobe60 · 15/05/2026 12:30

Why should he be doing it? Are women incapable of moving building rubble and chucking it into a skip?
OP, I’ve lived in 2 doer uppers and we have worked together to do certain tasks, most prominently filling bloody skips! It’s a job I hate, as does DH, but clearing rubbish together gets the job done quicker.

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You’ve not read her post properly, she clearly says she is doing her share, she wants him to do his share too.

Soontobe60 · 15/05/2026 12:30

Chasbo · 15/05/2026 12:25

We grew up with a DM that made idle threats and we just ignored her.

I feel your pain, after a series of doer-uppers, I'm really tired.

The issue is that he should be doing it and isn't and he broke his promise that he would. When he starts wittering about moving, put your foot down.

Once is a mistake, twice or more, definitely not. Definition of madness.

Why should he be doing it? Are women incapable of moving building rubble and chucking it into a skip?
OP, I’ve lived in 2 doer uppers and we have worked together to do certain tasks, most prominently filling bloody skips! It’s a job I hate, as does DH, but clearing rubbish together gets the job done quicker.

JanBlues2026 · 15/05/2026 12:29

I think you need to list it on your local freebies Facebook group rather than on marketplace, but yes it should be your DH dealing with that mental load not you.

Chasbo · 15/05/2026 12:25

We grew up with a DM that made idle threats and we just ignored her.

I feel your pain, after a series of doer-uppers, I'm really tired.

The issue is that he should be doing it and isn't and he broke his promise that he would. When he starts wittering about moving, put your foot down.

Once is a mistake, twice or more, definitely not. Definition of madness.

Laundryblue · 15/05/2026 12:23

Order the skip and arrange for a couple of guys to fill it.
Whether you leave or not depends on everything else in your marriage.

OttersOnAPlane · 15/05/2026 12:12

Idle threats are a mug's game. People usually see right through them and they dilute your argument.

Say something you will actually do! For example -
"I'm spending what would have been your birthday and Christmas present budget on hiring two people to clear the site next week. If you don't want that, you've got this weekend to clear it yourself."

BillieWiper · 15/05/2026 12:12

Use his bank card to book men with ven. Sorry that's a peep Show joke..😂

And or a skip. You can't force him to physically do it but he can't stop you getting someone in to do it.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 15/05/2026 12:10

I can see why this would cause huge annoyance but it is a very solvable issue (unlike most of the ones that folks come here with complaining about their partners) - just pay to have it cleared!

Stoicandhappy · 15/05/2026 12:09

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 11:49

Because she doesn’t actually want to leave her husband and her home!

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lol! I thought OP meant she wouldn’t follow through on hiring a skip and paying someone to get rid of the crap 🤣

tiramisugelato · 15/05/2026 11:55

Why not just pay for it to get removed instead of spending months stressing? Confused

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 15/05/2026 11:52

Realistically speaking, how much stuff is there? If doable by a man and van then get it organised, loads of companies out there that will clear gardens for a decent price. Just make sure they have a licence to take to the tip.

Seriously, its worth it for your mental health and to get your garden back.

Then please never agree to move to another doer upper!!

MsSmartShoes · 15/05/2026 11:51

Dear husband, can we agree a date that this will be dealt with? And can we agree that if you haven’t got rid of it by then that x will happen?

MsSmartShoes · 15/05/2026 11:50

give him a deadline and then get him to pay for it be removed.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 11:49

Stoicandhappy · 15/05/2026 11:49

Why wouldn’t you follow through? I don’t understand?

Because she doesn’t actually want to leave her husband and her home!

Stoicandhappy · 15/05/2026 11:49

Why wouldn’t you follow through? I don’t understand?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 11:47

BetteDavisChin · 15/05/2026 11:27

TBH, I probably wouldn't follow through.
I have taken pics and put on fb marketplace but no takers, unless we deliver.
I am just so frustrated that he promised and has gone back on it.
I've told him this morning that I'm getting a skip on Monday. He said "I don't know what you're going to put in it?"
I said it would be his dead body if he didn't pull his finger out and help me.

Well just order the skip, then once it’s there hopefully Hel help. Stupid threatening to leave when you aren’t going to do it.

inmyhair · 15/05/2026 11:46

I'm really not seeing the problem here surely you just organise a skip?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/05/2026 11:40

I think it’s time to pay for a waste removal company to take it away - or at least get a skip and put it in that

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