26 weeks pregnant and ex has sent me a letter, I am broken

Rubbish. Some fathers don't deserve to be involved full stop. Like people who change locks and demand dna tests. And she can't put his name on the birth certificate without his permission. They aren't married or living together. Do you think he's going to agree?

I would be very interested to hear his side of this story, and why he would consider a DNA test to be necessary. Needing to instruct solicitors due to being the victim of harassment is not something anyone does lightly.

Forget this man. He’s an untrustworthy little weasel. You might not feel it now but I promise you you’ll look back in future and see what a lucky escape you’ve had. It also sounds like he doesn’t want to be involved with the baby at all. Sorry, for being blunt, but that’s great. You’ll be free of him!

He’s annoyed about you texting and emailing because he thought he’d sent you a clear message - that he didn’t want to be involved. Don’t contact him again. Just reply to the solicitor’s letter very, very briefly.

Forget him! He’d have been a millstone round your neck. Focus on yourself and your baby. Take the time to eat well, rest, practise mindfulness - and look forward to a future with your child. I know it’s been a massive shock, but you need to move past this now. Don’t give him anymore power, don’t let him live in your head, and don’t go over and over things.

You’re ok. You have a home and a job. You can do this - and you can do this well. Speak to your midwife if you need to, but you’ll find the strength inside you. Settle the whirling thoughts and breathe xx

Three texts a day for a month even is over 100 texts.

so in 10 weeks it could be 150-200 texts.

She left for a couple of days peace because of rows. She made that clear. Stop kicking people down when they don't need it

OP doesn’t have to do a DNA test to apply for child maintenance. He has to do the test if he questions paternity. If he refuses to do the test then paternity is assumed.

Hard situation for you however sounds like nice or not you've been getting to the harassing stage as changing locks isn't particularly usual and even to the point of your mum getting a bit annoyed. For those saying don't put father on birth certificate sorry never agree every child has a right to know who it's father is no need to be petty. Anyhow get some strength together, get back to work instead of focusing on all the whys and what ifs it's what I did and successfully brought up a now 16 yr old alone

He’s already gone to a solicitor though. Which the op didn’t see coming - I would not be surprised if he did go to the police.

You have done nothing wrong. If your ex decided he didn’t want to be in the relationship any more, he had the choice to tell you. If he didn’t want to be part your child’s life he had the choice to tell you. I personally don’t think he has the choice to opt out of financially providing for his child, but you can pursue that later.

Whatever you did or didn’t do after he changed the locks, he’s behaved like an arsehole and your baby’s life will be better without him in it.

What domestic abuse was there?

he’s an arse but what has been described isnt domestic abuse that women’s aid would help with.

he’s been clever because by doing this the op is painted as the abuser.

the number of calls/emails/texts does seem to be quite a lot though - I understand why you did it, but because of the way the law is written, you spoke to him face to face, he didn’t engage and he didn’t reply to any of the texts - thats enough that you legally should have known, a reasonable person would conclude, that he didn’t want them and they were therefore deemable as harassment.

He could easily have spun any old shit to the lawyers. “She was cheating, I told her it was over and she won’t leave me alone.”

Of course you’re not allowed to harass people no matter what, but I bet he wasn’t brutally honest about the circumstances.

I think that it would be advisable because the letter she has received today refers to 'harassment'.

It would also be good for any further letters he may wish to send to go to the solicitor rather than OP herself.

I wouldn’t know, but given the circumstances I’m fairly sure that no action would be taken.

And again I wouldn’t know but how likely do you think he’d be to go to the police? He doesn’t come out of it looking that good.

I would keep it as evidence. Monsters like him can turn up later.

i also want to say that if ops actions are deemed harassment if the alleged father goes to the police then this will most definitely trigger a social services assessment at the very least

Yes it should. Children in my family were abducted by a parent, could have saved years of unhappiness for the children and their mother if someone had done their job.

Put your surname on the birth certificate.
Should help with traveling overseas.

Don't ever put him on the birth certificate.
Do the DNA test and then claim child support.
Keep all messages diaries and solicitor letters should you wish to share when your child asks why he/she has no contact with that idiot.

You do know that anecdote doesn't equal data?

I have been taken aside at UK immigration, even though I am a UK citizen.

You might not imagine it based on your own experience, but damn right it happens - and frequently.

As it should, IMO.

Golly gosh its like an echo chamber in here
”dont give the baby his last name”
she couldn't if she wanted to without him being present! He doesnt even think the baby is his!

What a dick.

It’s his loss op 🤷‍♀️congratulations on your pregnancy, don’t waste time focusing on him, enjoy your pregnancy and the rest of your life.

Do not put him on the birth certificate.

I raised my dd on my own and it’s entirely doable.

Absolutely do not.

Hi @Brokennn ,

There will be a time in the future when you will WONDER why you wasted time and tears on this piece of 💩.
The strength you need is to get through this moment in time.
Believe in yourself l.
You have your life and have had a lucky escape.
Hard to see now but you will.
You are going to do great.

Please report to the GP what horrible domestic abuse you have been through. Go to Women’s Aid too.

I do not think you want this monster in your life. I would not put his name on the birth certificate and I’d move to where he does not know where you are, and never post on social media. He could turn up in x many years time and say he wants to be put on the birth certificate and have the poor child live with him 50% of the time, and the law would enforce this. That’s why you should disappear.

If you do do the dna test, when it is found the child is his, then he would have to pay child maintenance if you apply through official channels. How much you get would depend on his income ( or perceived income). This does not mean he would have to be on the birth certificate - the two are unrelated. But he would know where you are and ask to be put on/take you to court to get his name on the birth certificate. Then he would have the identical control over the baby’s life as you do. This could cause havoc in yours and the child’s life.

What does she need to say in reply?

I would not be paying a solicitor to respond at this stage unless essential. Is it?