26 weeks pregnant and ex has sent me a letter, I am broken

A solicitor will send any letter their client pays them for. Ok, there are probably some limits, but they’ll certainly send a letter saying their client “feels harassed” or “considers this harassment” even if your behaviour goes nowhere near actual criminal harassment. So I’d say you can safely ignore the letter.

But as others have said stop contacting him, for your own mental health not for him. You can do this, he doesn’t want to be involved. File for CMS immediately baby is born, you don’t need to wait for him to agree or for the result of any DNA test. If he pushes it you will need to agree to a test eventually, but filing immediately will ensure you’re due maintenance back to the birth once the results come through.

Well aren't you a gem!

People who gets their kicks from kicking people when they're down, are a whole different tier of arseholes. Hope you're feeling smug with yourself. I pity your kids...

Edited for typos

Wow he's a piece of shit... and your mum? OMG, I totally understand because my own my isn't the best mum, and I can imagine her reacting like this. But I just want you to know, that's not normal! A normal mum would be there for you in a heartbeat! I am so sorry you're going through all this. You are not to blame, at all. Hand hold.

Just to clarify, OP, since you’re not married to this man, you can’t put his name on the birth certificate. He would have to come with you to register the birth. But you don’t want him on the birth certificate anyway because that would give him parental rights and you don’t want him to have those.

He sounds horrible, OP. And he’s been pathetic getting a solicitor to write to you. I think your mum was incredibly cruel in what she said to you also.

Ignore the few posters who are trolling you. Focus on the posters giving positive advice. You’ve got this, OP. And don’t fret about stress to your baby. My parents and their classmates were conceived during WW2 and gestated during the Blitz in London and became the love & peace generation. Your baby is snug and safe inside you and will be fine. You look after yourself.

What sort of people have voted you’re being unreasonable? Shame on them!

cease contact with your ex - he doesn’t want it and won’t help you. Ensure you get a claim in with CMS at the soonest opportunity and if possible comply with DNA testing.

Set you and your baby up to thrive - move near family if you have any. Let your ex do the hard work regarding contact if he wants it but focus on you and the little baby you’re carrying to create the life you want. Apply for all the state benefits you can get and use food banks or vouchers to kit out the baby‘s room.

Do you have support in real life? Parents? Friends? Make sure you attend all the medical appointments given to you and do not worry. You can do this. I‘d have much rather been a single mum than staying married to a loser who became abusive and controlling. Your life and time is yours. Cherish it.

Yep. there are wankers on this thread, ignore them OP they're really not worth the bother..

Just what I was going to say. Solicitors will send whatever you pay then to send (I guess within reason!).

OP, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, it's horrendous. But as others have said, at least he's shown you who he is. You deserve better than him, and you and your gorgeous baby will be sooooo much better off without this useless twat. One day you will realise this, but meanwhile you need to grieve for the future you thought you had 💐

Solicitors will send letters stating anything you bloody well like as long as you give them 500 quid the truth doesn’t come into it
Dont listen to these silly people being mean to you
Probably going against the grain here, but I would change your number. I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate and I wouldn’t bother with the 50 quid a month. You’ll get out of the CMS if you’re lucky
Raise the baby on your own in peace and quiet

I’m shocked that your mother could be so cruel to you and at a time you are in total need . Don’t contact him again , he’s cruel too and is totally stonewalling you to punish you . You will need to find a way to settle and smooth yourself in these difficult times . Block anyone out of your life who is cruel to you . Try n find out if there is any support out there . You’ve got to believe in yourself . Your baby needs a strong independent mother who they will admire and look up to . You can do it , this is probably the most emotionally hardest time of your life atm so you need to find strength . Bless you .

It sounds like he was future faking you (the TTC in 2027), and was more likely just running your biological clock down. A lot of men do this, agree to a baby in X years time, then comes another excuse, delay it another year, then another, then the woman turns 45yrs old and it's too late, her chance of a child is gone. Men are cunts.

Or he could have been into the idea of it, but the reality has sent him into a state of shock and anxiety, and being a man, he has the privilege of simply opting out of parenting.

Or he could have met someone else so has freaked out about the pregnancy and cut you off.

Whichever it is, you'll likely never know now and every option still makes him a cunt.

I don't think you need to pay for a DNA test prior to the CMS claim, I think once you claim CMS, he disputes being the father, then it has to be done as part of that, not sure if you have to pay for that, or if he does?

Hope you get loads from him off CMS.

I know it's hard to see it now, but you and your precious baby will be better off without him, because remember - he's a cunt.

I'm so sorry OP this is really crap for you, you won't think it now but you'll be so much better off without that spineless tosser in your life, concentrate on being a fabulous mummy to your little baby (which I know you will be) best of luck xxx

"When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. The first time."

It may not feel like it right now, but it looks like you've dodged a bullet. This man is not husband or fatherhood material: he has no empathy or respect for you, he won't give you an explanation or closure and he appears to have abandoned his unborn child. And why is he behaving this way? Because he's a selfish, emotionally immature, deeply unpleasant twat. Personally, I wouldn't want any contact with him ever again.

The best thing you can do is to stop torturing yourself with "why" questions and concentrate on the future. Fortunately, you have your own home and you have your job. You are also much stronger than you know and you will get through this.

Under no circumstances would I put his name on the birth certificate. He doesn't deserve to be named. I would also apply for CMS as soon as the baby is born. As for a DNA test, well he can organise that if that's the way he feels.

Hope you’re ok OP. You and your child will be better off without the spineless prick.

it was clearly a pressure tactic and this is illegal I’m afraid. Sending 3 texts a day to someone is illegal? I've heard it all now. My husband and children could have me arrested in that case. Behave.

All this. If he wants to be nasty now then he and his family can chase and jump through hoops in future to see your child if that’s how they feel.

My best friend, her boyfriend buggered off back to Ireland where he was from and wanted no further contact with her or their baby. His younger brother stayed in touch with my friend from Ireland and saw her and the baby in England and thought his brother (the dad) was a waste of space, he (the brother) also gave my friend money and gifts for her daughter. When the girl was a teenager the grandparents wanted to stay in touch and my friend told them to F off.

Don't react to people who are just trolling you. They aren't worth it

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

These lovely people will support and help you, OP x

@Brokennn

OP, when are you next seeing the midwife?

Can you ask for a longer appointment?

I'm saying this because neither my brothers dad nor my dad stepped up. My dad cut me out of his life when I was three. Paid two pounds a week till I was 16 and had to be forced into it. Remarried and has a son who doesn't know I exist. What I'm trying to say is - you might not think it now but you will get through this.

My mum split up with my brothers dad because he pressured her into having an abortion she didn't want. He got a pang of guilt around two years later when he was about to be married and said he would call it off. My mum said she couldn't be responsible for that. He married her. Emigrated and we never saw him again until he turned up on my mums doorstep one day when my brother was 14 and when he found out that my mum had told my brother who he was - he never came back. Didn't pay her a penny. Didn't acknowledge my brother ever - his loss

This happened to me, almost 18 years ago. My son has never met his father, I was a lone parent from the day I found out I was pregnant. It’s tough and it really hurts now, but in time you’ll feel nothing for your ex. You can and will get through it - you have no other choice. That might be your mantra for a while and it takes some getting used to, but you will. I’m glad now that my son was all mine - I have to coparent with my other son’s dad, and that has been a never ending nightmare.

I think he's trying to say it's not his. I think that's terrible. Trying to accuse her of cheating

The courts can order DNA testing.

The mother can still refuse permission I guess but I don’t know how that would work out for her?