26 weeks pregnant and ex has sent me a letter, I am broken

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. I’d bet he wasn’t in the relationship the same way you were (and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s someone else too) and is a massive coward. He was probably agreeing to ttc 2027 just to nod and go along with whatever you were saying.

On a positive note, it’s better that you found out now than many years down the road and tied to him in multiple ways. You have your own home and you’ll see yourself through this.

So you need to be there for yourself

Take the weekend, cry and then find your anger

Go back to work, you wont get hold of your emotions sitting at hime alone wallowing in them

Get all the support you can from wherever you can - don't contact him or your mother, you can tell his solicitors after you have given birth

Do have the paternity test, he won't be able to dispute your CMS claim then

Beat of luck wrapping your head round this absolute shitstorm

Personally, I probably wouldn’t bother with the DNA test or the child support. You’ll be totally tied to him until your child is 18 and that’ll only make your life harder. If you can do it alone, I would.

Cruel and insensitive post

Presumably she doesn’t need to respond at all.

he’s told her to stop contacting him, so stop. That includes via a solicitor.

she’s not going to make things worse by doing exactly what he’s requested. She could do by continuing to engage by responding.

Your mum is awful. The "father" is awful. Feel free to vent your feelings on here OP. They are not worth your time or worry. You've had some good advice about claiming CMS when baby is born and making a life for yourself as a solo parent. You can do this. X

OP, this is terribly sad and immeasurably cruel.
How can this be real?
Do you think that he might be having a breakdown?
I am not making excuses but if this is completely out of character, that is a possibility.
As incredibly painful as this is, you will need to ensure that you look after yourself as best you can.
The Samaritans are at the end of the line 25/7

I’d ensure i responded to the legal letter to incur him more costs by asking some questions that needs them to contact him about responding. (Obviously don’t contact him!)

This is so similar to what happened to my dd. Trying for a baby, she became pregnant, he became emotionally abusive, tried to get dd to have an abortion by threatening suicide and when she refused pulled a stunt where he led her to believe he had committed suicide dd cut all ties.
He text her a few times once dgs was born trying to persuade dd not to pursue for child maintenance and declare dgs a product of a one night stand who she had no name for so dd blocked him on every platform and moved house so that he couldn't contact her again.
He has never seen dgs who is an absolute joy and soon to be 7. Dd claims maintenance through CMS he references payments as ho. Dd is a fantastic parent she has plenty of support and they are both thriving. He has hurt her very badly she hasn't dated since. She found out about 9 months after dgs was born that he had gotten ex wife pregnant months before dd an absolute peach of a man who subsequently married someone else before dgs's first birthday.
You can do the same op, draw on the support of family and friends and you will both be ok too.

This this this!! Absolutely this!! It appears you have not a good role model in your life and you are going to be a much better mum than yours.

You sound so strong and you will get through this. I echo other posters comments and don’t put this waste of space on the birth certificate but def get a DNA test and CMS.

I really do hope you have some good friends to support you because no matter how much you want it, I don’t think your cruel mum will give you the love and support you need.

For what it’s worth when I have birth early my mum immediately jumped in her car and drove 500 miles to be with me. She was a nurse and it was Xmas So yes she nearly lost her job and inconvenienced a lot of people. Do you think any of those people remember having to do an extra shift at Xmas 40 years ago? No of course not but I remember how important my child and I were to my mum every single day.

You deserve so much better OP. Than that waste of space man. And I promise you in the future that you will be grateful to see his true colours early on, before losing your home and having more children with him.

Good luck OP you CAN do this!

In all seriousness, you need to stop contacting him now. You could end up in a lot of trouble, and he simply isn't worth your energy. I would delete his numbers/emails and start to focus on getting through this pregnancy and being the best Mum you can be when your little one arrives.

He doesn't want to be a father, so you're going to be doing this alone. Don't sit hoping for a miracle when baby arrives, because it won't. Have a talk to your midwife and ask for some support. And try to mend bridges with your Mum - you and your baby are going to need her

When are you due to see the midwife again, OP?

I wonder whether you can ask for a longer appointment so that you can talk about what has happened.

Your own Mum has said you're harassing her. I mean that's wild! Either you are the part of the problem or you have terrible luck.

How often/how many times were you contacting? I mean it's a horrible situation you're in and without a doubt you will be a lone parent so I think you need to pull yourself together and get on with it for the sake of your baby.

This may sound harsh but motherhood changes you. You need to be strong.

Do you know his parents and are they decent people? If so they might like to know they will be grandparents and may be a good support to you. I would write them a letter explaining how sad you are that he has ended the relationship and enclosing his communication to you so they can see, and letting them know that while you won’t be contacting him as requested, you will not stand in their way if they want to be grandparents to your baby.

Sorry but this is terrible, reckless advice.

OP has been served a legal letter advising her to stop harassing her ex partner. If this is ignored, the matter will be escalated and she could well find herself in court and the subject of a non-molestation order.

Why are you telling her to contact his family? It would be perceived as indirect contact, as an attempt to continue to enmesh herself in his life.

“Under the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) guidelines, a campaign of harassment explicitly includes "becoming further embedded within a victim's life, for example, by making contact with their friends and family". If he can show that her reaching out to his parents or siblings has caused him anxiety, alarm, or distress, the law views it as indirect harassment of him.

1. Evidence of a "Course of Conduct"

If he wants his family to know about the baby, he will tell them.

If he wants his family involved with the baby, it will happen in due course.

OP needs to focus on herself and her own side of the family for support, not his.

To be clear, it’s not the OP’s fault either!

There’s no good way to break up with someone in this situation but there’s certainly a bad one, as the ex has demonstrated. He’s the one who’s made it messy by not owning up to his own feelings and attitudes. If OP had just left it and not contacted him she’d be considered the bad guy here.

Asking for a dna text is just scum behaviour. Also done to upset you

Take a step back and take a breath, you’ve got this!
oh and he’s a right piece of shit.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You've had a very lucky escape by the sounds of it

"go to CMS when the baby is born"

You say this like it's some big win, it's not.

She goes to CMS gets £200 or £300 or wherever a month but she still needs to raise the baby alone. Isn't there a post on mumsnet from a woman who was awarded £7 a week for 3 kids from her useless ex through CMS?

Yes she needs to go to CMS but it's not this huge win that makes everything right.

And again another child is brought into messy adult relationships due to no fault of their own. There is no way there weren't signs or red flags from this guy before getting pregnant and deciding to keep it. He is a useless idiotic selfish wanker and there must have been red flags that have been ignored.

Op in am so sorry you are in this position.
Now that he has made his feelings clear by his treatment of you and the solicitor's letter you really do need to work out what your choices and priorities are..

My instinct would be to not do anything that means you are tied to this man for the next 18 years. I agree with the people who said don't make it easy for him. Having a chid together can provide a means for a man to exert control over you. I would do nothing that encourages that to happen.

If he decides to prove he is a father then that's up to him and you need to cross that bridge when you come to it, but at the moment once the awful shock has settled, I would be making plans for my own future that does not include this man at all,.

Lawyers wouldn't make a case against her in this instance. It would be police. But speaking as someone who has been stalked and threatened over a long period of time - and police did nothing - I doubt very much if police would see this particular situation as harassment. He's not responded to her. All he had to do was say that he didn't want contact in the first place - end of.

Yes she needs to stop the contact but anyone who could even threaten to go to police over this when he has caused it all and she's heavily pregnant to boot is a grade A bell end. Classic intimidation tactics

You need to prepare yourself physically and mentally. Its going to be very difficult, I should know because he also left me during my pregnancy and hasnt met his child who is almost 3.
100% get a DNA test and file for child maintenance through the CMS.
Honestly, screw him, enjoy your baby when they arrive. Congrats! You can do it.

I am so sorry you feel this, and I do understand. But a few years ago, DH and I had a not dissimilar situation with SIL. She just kept on doing the thing that was causing her problems with her ex and he would react the same way every single time. To be clear, he was the wanker, but the reality is that he wasn't going to change and so every time she did x expecting y but got z in stead, she'd be upset and we'd all be sitting there going, "this was always going to happen."

So yes, when it escalated and she was even more upset and more needy and all the rest, DH and I had to take a step back. We felt bad, but it had got to the point where we felt we were enabling her by listening and being supportive, even as she econtinued to make the same mistake over and over and over again.
HOw many times has your m um told you to stop contating him?
How much time has your mum spent listening and supporting you?

if she hasn't, then yes, she's not very nice and this is another example. if she has, then I have some sympathy with her being annoyed by the 35 messages.

Exactly. A horrible thing to say.