I have two grown up children, well 19 & 16.
16 y/o barely wants us in attendance at anything it seems and doesn’t really do relevant spectator activities anyway so not much of a problem there. But our 19 y/o has been involved with a particular sport since they were 4/5 and it’s part and parcel of their life. They now do practices independently and now and then they have a big competition which I’d always mention to people who are interested. DH & I go to the majority of these. It’s not something I bang on about, but in the run up it’s pretty intense for them and if people ask about the kids, it would get a mention as a thing that’s happening.
Now my in laws are nice people, we get on fine. I don’t feel we are particularly close and I only hear from them about once every couple of months. I could probably initiate this more - but a few years back I got some comments about being the one ‘in charge’ so it put me in a weird spot as I just thought I was the mother of two kids, with a busy life, trying to make sure we had a decent level of contact with them, so I’d make plans because DH doesn’t.
So yesterday 19 y/o had a comp - they knew about it, we talked about it very openly when we saw them, and it’s been quite a big thing for most of this year, so I know they’ll have spoken to friends etc about it. But at no point did they ask to come, or show much interest. Nor did my own Mum - she knew about it and I know they all care but as I say, it’s not something we push on people.
However. A mutual friend (whose own child is involved in the comp) posted about how well they did, tagged us in it and there is MIL commenting that she would have loved to have been there and asking various questions about it. She NEVER usually comments on Social Media posts - no matter what - so it’s thrown me a bit and I feel bad that I haven’t invited them. Sorry this is so long - but I don’t invite anyone, my sister came (although she won’t know that as the post was just about the kids) but she asked to come and we would say yes to anyone. I always invite the ILs to things we do at Christmas/Birthdays/Easter and they mostly say no, so I’m not a total arse although they go to other relatives things (so they aren’t immobile or anything).
DH and I have been together for 25 years and I still feel like I always manage to get it wrong. He didn’t mention them once btw, he could have invited them. DC is 19 and they could have asked too - maybe it’s just me, but I feel the blame vibes are still aimed my way…..
So yes, I am being unreasonable and should be the inviter OR I’m not being unreasonable and they should say if they want to come.