My friend treats me like her next of kin and I dont want to do it!

When my car broke down I paid for a tow truck. When I lost my keys I got a locksmith. When my DH was too ill to get his prescriptions he arranged delivery. You don't need to do all these things for her, it sounds like she needs to be more independent. I wouldn't refuse to be a friends NoK though, I would want to be there if there was a genuine need.

As OP said she'd do these things "in a heartbeat" for other friends, and says she thinks this one isn't "very thoughtful or kind", it doesn't sound like she cares deeply.
Only you know OP. You obviously don't have to, if you don't like her that much, but I would hate to leave someone who is so reliant on me, and seems to think we're close, like this. Maybe she's been through so much and that's part of the reason she is this way.

Taxi
I've never been so ill I can't get to the shops except when in hospital.
Call a locksmith if I really can't kick my way in

I can understand that you don’t have the time or energy to be “her person.” She needs to widen her horizon - even if it means paying carers for this. You need to learn to be clearer with boundaries also. I suspect the reason you are her only person is because she has exhausted everyone else.

You said it yourself, you have a large loving family. Sounds like she has noone. You probably have no idea how lonely that feels, to be perfectly honest. Count yourself lucky you don't.
I feel sorry for her. She needs a friend who will be there for her.

Re: hospital procedures, yes that is what they state after a general anaesthetic, however if you genuinely do not have anyone to be with you, then the hospital have 2 choices and would risk assess at discharge:

1. Let you go home alone (assuming you are not putting others at risk by driving when its not safe to do so)
2. You stay in hospital until safe to be alone.

Unless you don't have mental capacity, the hospital cannot legally refuse to let you leave. You may need to sign a disclaimer that you are self discharging against medical advice. If you are leaving a driving yourself home, against medical advice/after anaesthetic, they can of course report you to the police.

This doesnt seem like the case with the OP.

She is your friend, sounds like she has no one & going through a rough time.

you however are definitely not her friend with what you have put in this post.

if you are genuinely her friend, help her to be more sociable & widen her circle. If you aren’t as it appears just end the friendship she won’t thank someone feeling sorry for her pretending to be her friend

I am a single parent with a huge network of friends. All those “emergencies” I have in the past sorted myself!

1. pick from hospital - this one I would prob ask a friend for but in the past I’ve got a taxi.

2. Too ill to go to shops - a recent one for me, and I got Uber eats to deliver very expensive coop shopping to my door. When a friend found out she was suprised and immediately offered to get me some more shopping. But I knew she was a busy mum too so hadn’t asked her.

3. Locked out - call a locksmith

4. Break down - I have emergency breakdown cover, for those eventualities.

5. Drop car at garage - I walk home (no buses)

If she is recently divorced you’re doing her no favours as she needs to learn to stand on her own 2 feet.

I'm single with a small network. No family nearby. My friend offered to collect me from hospital after surgery. I didn't ask but I was very grateful to her. I'd have got a taxi otherwise. She collected my cats from the cattery too as I couldn't drive. They went to the cattery at her suggestion and she said she'd fetch them for me. Again, I wouldn't have asked but was very grateful. I bought her a voucher to thank her.

I had food delivered. I expect to sort that kind of thing out myself.

If I were locked out I'd use my contingency plan. I have a key safe though we do have keys to each other's houses.

Taxi
Home delivery
Locksmith ( she'd make sure she never locked herself out again)

Call a taxi, order a delivery, call a locksmith. Just say no!

Are you sure she is a good friend and you like her a lot? Doesn’t sound like it

By agreeing to her demands, you’re enabling her and encouraging her. I know you were probably sympathetic at first but she’s abusing your help now.

Regarding NOK, can you ask her who she’s given your details to, explain you’re unable to perform this role, and maybe contact the agencies directly and ask them to remove your name.

Basically, stop feeling sorry for her. You not obliged to answer her messages or requests for help. If she stuck, then advise her where to get help (taxi, etc) . If she phones/messages several times a day, ignore them, or answer once a day at most.

@Firefly45 do you mean she asked you to be her next of kin on a medical form or you feel like she's treating you as her next of kin when she asks for help?

By the way, you've also listed

Forgotten purse
Had a row with someone

Neither of these are reasons to bother somebody else are they?

I've been single for years

I used to have a good network of friends but no longer

So my best friend lives about two hours away

I dread the hospital situation as I'm not quite sure what's going to happen

people saying taxi, after a lot of procedure procedures the hospital won't let you go into a taxi - there has to be an actual person you know picking you up and in some cases keeping an eye on you for the night

I'm really worried about that one. My elderly mother is really worried about it as well. She wouldn't be able to help but I suppose it's possible one of her friends would help. They're all getting too old now, though.

Locked out, I'd have to call a locksmith

Prescription - if urgent and too unwell to sort myself, I think a neighbour would do that for me.

if she wasn't bothering you with trivial things, would you be willing to step in for big things?

I suppose not. This is how people end up with boyfriends and husbands they don't want I suppose. I never thought I'd be in this position but here I am. Ironically, I think it puts people off friendship - they see a single woman and worry what they're going be asked to do.

I suppose I could see if I could ring a care agency and get them to collect me from hospital appointment? It's a terrible position to be in. (and before anyone tells me off, yes, I did help everyone with all the things and still ended up in this position because people are pretty shit, as it turns out, I didn't know that when I was younger)

Hospital -get an uber/taxi
Shops - online delivery, tesco have a whoosh delivery same day, and uber eats have supermarkets on their too
Locked out - call a locksmith? Give a key to a neighbour/install a lock box to prevent it happening again!

Yes, in the moment these may feel like they are "crises", but they are pretty minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things.

Some people like to be rescued, and some people like to be rescuers. In the nicest possible way, the fact you are also referring to them as crisis situations suggests you might be a "rescuer" (and rescuers often end up getting frustrated, resentful and burnt out!) and you might need to look at your role in this dynamic... I have voted YABU for this reason... which is harsh I know! Have a look at the "drama triangle" to see if that resonates with you at all (former rescuer here!!)

Next time she rings with an "emergency", don't swoop in to help, you could try to signpost her to an appropriate solution? And dont feel guilty or over-apologise! Its ok to say no!

I've had to practice enforcing boundaries with certain friends over the years and saying stuff like "Gosh im sorry, that sounds tough/tricky/upsetting. I can't help practically, but perhaps you could try x y or z, hope it gets sorted/do let me know how you get on." By saying something like this I feel that I am still being supportive/validating, and making it clear that I care about them, but ensuring I am protecting myself from becoming over burdened and resentful.

This approach has been helpful for me and ive been able to maintain/rebalance friendships that had got a bit draining!

Good luck!

Taxi, online shopping, join the AA. If you lock yourself out more than once, you need a contingency plan-key box? Key with neighbour.

Stop being so available-just because she rings/texts, you don’t have to answer immediately and drop everything to help. Reply 3 hours later-she’ll have to find another way. I presume you are busy/working or whatever a lot of the time anyway with your own life.

If I were single I would do the following:
Taxi from hosp
Online home delivery
locksmith.

End the friendship. You are slagging her off on here. And of course you are doing the drip feed thing where you are saying she isn't very nice to justify your stance. Just text her and tell her friendship over and move on

You don't like her and she doesn't like you it seems from your comments.

None of those things you describe are next of kin things. They are things you would call a friend about

Using the phone. Taxis, tradespeople, Being organised so you can manage the worst case scenario. Joining the AA, getting insurance, having money put by for a rainy day. Always having your phone topped up.

She is using you and you can't be her NOK as you are not kin.

She sounds like a draining influence. Be a lot more slack about answering your phone, returning texts. Wean her off you.

Uber
Order an online delivery
Call a locksmith

I do have friends but wouldn't put them.out unless I had to. But being single is expensive in hidden ways.

these things are happening less than once a month for ‘normal’ existence? If couldn’t ask a partner a friend would be happy to support every couple of months? If she needs things weekly then she is having you on.

Stop doing these things then she will stop asking hopefully. Yes, it's very sad she's alone but she's got to learn how to be self-sufficient.

Nobody minds in an emergency but a real emergency!