My friend treats me like her next of kin and I dont want to do it!

I think you’re being unfair to not be listed as her next of kin.

You say she’s a good friend and it’s extremely rare that these numbers are ever called.

The rest would depend of how often she is calling you and over what period and how much she could do for herself.

I wouldn’t think twice about picking someone up if they’ve broken down or dropping off the spare key to someone and I’m a single parent, work FT and study in the evenings.

I broke down a few months ago and had multiple colleagues asking if I wanted them ti come and pick me up or just wait with me.
This was after work so they were all tired and most would have been a good hours round trip to come.

I didn’t ask them to come as I don’t need anyone standing with me but by the time I got towed to a garage it was 9pm and there were no buses or taxis, so I did have to phone a family member.

But if she just wanted you to come and stand with her whilst waiting for the RAC then she’s obviously BU.

Unfortunately, many people are codependent
on their partners and try and get a replacement one if their relationship ends.
My mum was awful and would pretend that she didn’t know how to do anything for herself after my dad left.

She’s either just having a run of bad luck and I’d support her or she’s taking the piss and using you as a crutch.

I would be there for my good friend, definitely in an emergency but I wouldn’t jump to help her if it’s not as she does need to learn how to cope alone.

@Firefly45 are you inferring that the only way to solve these 3 small issues is via a friend? Because if so, are you as needy as your needy mate? 😳

If you are genuinely too ill to get out to the shops for a day or two-if you can’t get a food shop delivered, you eat whatever is left in the cupboard, don’t eat much or get a takeaway. There are many options other than making someone else do your shopping.

Who said anything about getting taxis whenever you want?

Plenty of adults don't drive and use taxis and buses as their form of transport. They manage just fine to get themselves about. Your friend can get herself home from hospital without calling someone to come and pick her up, especially these days with Google maps literally telling you which bus to get and when. It's easy.
Tesco woosh/Uber eats etc has been a thing for many years and probably quicker than a friend anyway.
How would a friend help with getting locked out?! That's a locksmith job.

Just tell her you’re busy enough as it is, it would make you uncomfortable being her next of kin as there’s no grauntee/highly unlikely you can drop everything to help her so she needs to choose someone else. Just be blunt.

1. get a taxi
2. order a delivery (but also always keep back ups in the cupboard)
3. call a locksmith

This is highly likely, even if she's not consciously deliberately locking herself out, she's deliberately framing it as an opportunity to be rescued.

I have a family member like this - being helped makes them feel loved and important, so they ask for/ demand to be helped with things they can absolutely manage without help, especially as they are financially able to afford taxis, and locksmiths and other paid help and services.

The thing is that they have only ever helped others when they enjoy it - they'll offer to cook for someone who's off their feet for example - because they enjoy it, but it'll be one meal, a lot of cues for thanks and praise, and the washing up left for the person on crutches to deal with... They'll decide on a time and offer to take a baby out for a walk in the pram, and push to do that even if the new parents don't want the baby away from them yet, because they enjoy that, but won't help the new mother by running the hoover 'round or unpacking the dishwasher or whatever.

The help they ask for is the stuff they want done for them, and can be very intrusive and time consuming, but they only offer help far less often and only if it'll be fun for them and at their convenience.

The only answer if you want to maintain a relationship is to be aware of what they're doing and ignore the call when it comes in and call back later, you'll find they've miraculously sorted themselves out.

Do not allow the emotional manipulation (it's all very well being helped being their love language, but it's asymmetrical, like someone demanding to be bought diamonds because gifting is their love language but giving a homemade cake in return despite having equal budgets).

I’m single and live alone. If I need a lift to/ from hospital I’d get a taxi. If I’m too ill to get to the shops I get shopping delivered through uber/ tesco whoosh etc. If I got locked out I do have a friend with a key so in that situation I would contact her, but I would also get myself to and from hers to pick it up via car or taxi.

Pick up from hospital - public transport or taxi; too ill to get to shops - order home delivery and make sure house is well stocked next time to cover this eventuality; locked out - phone a locksmith then give key to neighbour so it doesn't happen again. But she needs to think about this herself and plan. It's not your responsibility to work out how to do these things for her and by doing them for her she won't figure it out for herself. Think of it as doing her a favour. The next of kin one is hard but she does need to look at her life and think about why she doesn't have people around her and maybe widen her support network. Churches, social groups, community groups etc are all good ways to link into a network of people and she needs to start doing this not relying on one person. It's a complex problem she has to solve and doing things for her won't help her in the long run.

Taxi
Home delivery
Locksmith

Get a taxi
shop online
take some responsibility for yourself and don’t get locked out.

NONE of these are crises. As others have said, stop dancing to her tune

Taxi
Food delivery
Key box/key with neighbour spare key at work and locksmith if necessary

1. Taxi
2. Deliveroo
3. Locksmith

I used to be this person. For the first two you have to ride it out, for the last one I had a spare key at work and was generally very careful with my belongings.

Just to add, I have a friend in your situation and unless you step back, it’s neverending.

Hmm 🤔
id he stepping back a bit in a subtle way - maybe suggest things she could do to help herself.
Ive been locked out - oh dear, you need a locksmith.

Sometimes you have to be picked up from hospital if you’ve had sedation so I’d help her with that, but it would very much be a one-off.

Id drf reply to things like ‘I’ve sprained my ankle’ with a non-commital - hope you feel better soon.

Why is it that your friend doesn’t have other friends? Was her social life through her DH?

Loads of people live alone w no close family or dh.

My mum’s best friend was exactly like that. She had a sister but she wasn’t local at all. She was a successful business woman, she passed her driving test after many failures in her early 50s and got on with things. If anything it was my mum who relied on her more than the other way around in terms of practical help esp after she was widowed. This was years before social media and online deliveries etc.

I think that’s unfair. It’s entirely possible and quite healthy to have a range of friendships not all of whom are ride and die. The issue here is that with the friend’s break up, she now wants more. OP has filled the gap but wants to reset to how it was. That can and should be possible with some clear and kind communication. It doesn’t mean either side is wrong or so far gone that the original friendship can’t survive. Maybe it won’t but to go nuclear and end it as a first defence seems unnecessary. It’s possible to complain about people without it being slagging them off because you hate them. Even great friends can be annoying - we all have downsides and get on people’s nerves. The test will be whether this friend can understand and adjust to what the OP needs.

I don't have a small network but most of our family lives far away. I would get an uber or deliveroo in these situations.

I think you have been kind and supported her during her divorce but now you need to dial it back.
if she rings and says she’s ill in bed and needs food for example say oh I’m sorry I’m busy I can’t nip to the shops, why don’t you order a delivery . Put things back to her and just continue to meet as you would.
if it’s a real emergency like a car accident then if you can, support her.

NOK for health is actually pretty meaningless.

Absolutely unacceptable for her to keep dumping her problems on you all of a sudden. Let me guess, she wouldn't help you out? How surprising she has so few friends...

As pp said, it isn't difficult to be self sufficient....it's a good skill to have and something your friend needs to develop.

I live on my own, as a pensioner as well, but manage. For instance, my freezer is stocked in case I'm suddenly ill and can't get to the shops...and I can order online too.

When my car broke down, I ordered a taxi for the work shift, but then organised a hire car for three days while I got the car to the garage and had it fixed. Never dreamed of ringing someone up to give me lifts.

Set some boundaries - you can do it kindly but firmly - and stick to them. Explain why if necessary, there have been some good suggestions on here as to what you might say.

Agreed, although we’ve got a key safe for last issue.

it’s not difficult to be self sufficient!

Taxi, online shopping, pharmacies around here will deliver if necessary, call a locksmith.

It's not whenever I want. It's when I am unable to drive or can't get the bus. So ONCE in the last 10 years.

What I wouldn't do is expect a friend to help. I think that's so rude.