My friend treats me like her next of kin and I dont want to do it!

locked out, call locksmith except I wouldn't be because I have got a key hidden on my property
Too ill to get to shops, I do an online order
Pick up from hospital, taxis.

Same as loads of other single people do. I have got a couple of close friends I could ask for help in extreme circumstances but so far (touching wood) its not been necessary in 15 years of widowhood.

Yes, this. I spend a lot on taxis. It's in the budget. Means there are other things I can't have. That's life. I don't want to depend on others.

Get an Uber.
Book an online grocery delivery.
Phone a locksmith to get in and install a key safe with a spare key so it doesn't happen again.

These aren't crises. They're minor issues that grown adults can deal with by themselves.

I mean, you've gone from "have a good friend. I like her a lot and spend a lot of time with her" to "she is not very thoughtful or kind in life which I think also makes a difference."

That makes me wonder why you spend time with her and whether you actually like her. So, maybe let the friendship go. I wouldn't want a friend who spoke about me like that.

Uber
Deliveroo
Locksmith

This. I wouldn't want friends to do all that. Unreasonable to expect.

Can someone else suggest taxi, online delivery and locksmith? Not sure it's clear.

My sister who lives in another country to me and is single has an emergency fund for situations like this. She’s not rich but she has thought ahead and put a bit by every month for unforeseen circumstances such as exploding boilers, car break downs and unexpected taxis journeys.

I am lucky enough to have a dh and close family and friends living nearby but I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone to pick up a prescription for me and when my dh was in the army and away for long stretches I asked a taxi company to pick up my prescriptions when I couldn’t get out of bed. And once I had to stay in hospital longer after a procedure because no one was available to help. Such is life sometimes!

It's not "wherever you want" it's in an emergency when mo other option is available.
Do you just rely on other people then?

But for what it's worth, I do get taxis whenever I want. I don't drive, so I dont have the running costs of a car, so I get taxis often, most days in fact. Sometimes I walk or get the bus, but I often taxi it places. I'm not particularly well off, but it's a cost I've factored into my life and budget because that's how I get around.

The friend needs to set up her own life in a way that works for her. You can't just go around relying on others with this kind of regularity.

I mean wasn’t a car breakdown mentioned so presumably she could usually drive

Get a taxi from the hospital, order stuff on line/do an Uber collect. Plan ahead with the keys and give one to neighbour get a combination key box. Be an adult, that’s what she does!!!

I am in many ways like your friend. But I don't get someone else to do my donkey work. She needs to learn to be independent again and you doing everything won't help.

Broken down/been at the hospital, get a taxi.

Get prescription and food delivered.

It's not hard, she just needs to pull her finger out. I have friends now, and sometimes they offer a lift or to pop round, I am grateful for it. But I don't expect it and I am always prepared and capable of caring for myself.

Get a taxi.
Do an internet shop.
Call a locksmith.

She sounds like a child. I bet she had a parent child relationship with her ex too. I’ve been a lone parent for many years and tackled all those things and many more on my own. Do not become her parent.

We live in an area without any last minute delivery options except pizza, and with a scant bus service, but most of the things @Firefly45 lists are not emergencies - we know where we live and behave accordingly. If you don't live in an area with everything available you keep long life food stocks - rice, pasta, pesto/ passata, some tins, some long life milk, bread and butter in the freezer as well as other stuff. I usually do a big shop once per week but if I couldn't I could still manage with store cupboard and freezer stuff for a couple of weeks. Being suddenly and completely unexpectedly too ill to leave the house for longer than that including unable to place an order for an online delivery in a few days time would be extremely unusual.

Key safes and keeping the freezer and cupboard stocked avoids having to ask for favours. Hospital appointments are known in advance, only an emergency admission might require asking a favour.

I think the problem is being over eager to be rescued and helped rather than sensibly settling up for likely eventualities and exhausting other options like locksmiths and taxis before making your (generic your) problem someone else's problem.

I of course don’t know her age and mobility. Presuming she’s mobile then she needs to work that out for herself. Personally, and for a lot of others too, we’ve had to fend for ourselves and work it out from a young age too. And we survive. Don’t play into her learned helplessness. It’s just going to burn you out. I promise you if you stopped attending all the supposed crisis, she’d be ok.

I don't think they are suggesting getting a taxi whenever they want. I think they are suggesting getting a taxi for times that walking or a bus are not an option.

This.
Not one of the issues you mentioned are anywhere near a crisis!
Some people will not help themselves and are very happy to suck the life out of other people rather than deal with anything themselves.
She sounds like she has some learned helplessness going on, ir is a bit of a user.
I wouldn’t dream of bothering anyone else for the examples you’ve given, I’d deal with them myself.
You are as much at fault here for responding to her every whim. You need to tell her what you’ve told us as it sounds like you have very genuine demands on your time and energy already.
This isn’t a friendship, it’s her demanding and you giving - and it doesn’t sound like there’s too much to lose if she won’t accept your new boundaries (which I’m hazarding a guess that she won’t!)

I think I would be a rubbish person to rely on in these situations - even if I know where my phone is, it is often left on silent (have to have it on silent and can't check it at work), and I don't pick up messages for ages. I often deliberately leave it at home when I go out, and it has never been a problem so far. Good thing the kids don't need me as much these days. Maybe you need to be less good at being on call?

Giving too much in friendships is an issue I've had in the past to the point where a “friend” was calling on me and offloading her horrific marital and mental health issues on a daily basis. For minimum 40 mins.

It was awful- so draining and so bad for my MH. I eventually ended the friendship because I just couldn’t cope with her level of mental health issues.

But it’s so hard when you want to be a “good friend” on one hand. On the other hand you also want to be a “good friend” to yourself.

I would create solid boundaries that you stick to. A good one might be you don’t take messages or calls from her during the day- only after kids are in bed. If she queries response times, say you have a slot for checking your messages after the kids are in bed because you have so much on during the day.

See how she reacts. a good friend will say “of course things must be hectic until bed time” or similar. She will likely act out. Then you have your answer.

Some people are takers. They take and take and take and give very little. Unfortunately they have no insight into their behaviour.

This is a bit harsh, but have you considered that this is why her circle is small?

It sounds like your friend hasn't adapted yet to life without a partner and so she's using you as a surrogate - and you've stepped right into that role, whether you wanted to or not. If you don't want this to continue, and I can very well see why you don't, particularly for someone who isn't particularly nice or kind and who you clearly wouldn't rely on in the same way, I think you'll just have to not pick up next time. Let her figure things out for herself. Because many of the posts on this thread show that you can figure anything out for yourself, if you have to, but clearly this woman isn't very proactive or independent - she'd far rather rely on someone else to clear up her mistakes than take responsibility. It's fairly clear how she's ended up in this isolated situation.

As for you - none of the things you mention are crises. Your friend needs breakdown cover and an Uber account. She also needs a key safe installed somewhere on the outside of her house, or to leave a key with a neighbour. She needs to set up online shopping and delivery with her local pharmacy. All of these things are readily available and easy to set up and most people who ARE in relationships and DO have family/friends they can rely on also have these things set up, because it's sensible and responsible and what independent adults do! We take care of ourselves and we don't make a nuisance of ourselves unnecessarily, because that wears out people's sympathy and willingness to help when we really need it.

As for the NOK request - if you think this is something you simply do not have the ability to do then say no. If you say yes you'll quite possibly be tied to her for the rest of her life, if she is so unpleasant that she's isolated herself to the degree that she appears to have done. My DM ended up being NOK and Power of Attorney to an old school friend who found herself single, childless and with dementia in her later years. It was a huge burden and my DM ended up having to sort out carers, then find her a care home and clear her home for sale, despite the fact that neither my DSis nor I had ever met her and my DM received not a penny from this woman's (modest) estate. It all went to a niece who lived far away and didn't do a damn thing for her!

She also needs to get organised for living alone. Spare keys close by, essentials in food cupboard etc. If she really can't get a taxi from hospital it's fair to ask for a lift.

Taxi from hospital
Internet shop when ill
Locksmith when locked out

Her ex probably used to sort these things, she must miss him but needs to find her own way not rely on you.

Tbf we don’t have Tesco woosh or uber eats etc in my area.
We can have Tesco deliveries but these need to be booked at least 2 days in advance.

We also have no buses to where I live and taxis are extremely rare (I had to ring 8 different ones and the only one that could do it was 3 hours after I needed it and double the price).

You obviously live in a very convenient area but many people don’t and so obviously it depends on whether the friend is genuinely stuck or just taking the mick.

Taxi
Shopping delivery eg amazon do morrisons same day,
Phone a locksmith find one on google.
Easy stuff really...