My friend treats me like her next of kin and I dont want to do it!

How often does she have these 'crisis' moments?

I'm not single but have been, and didn't rely on friends or family for any of what you have listed? if shes used to her exDH picking these things up then she's naturally moving that lean on to you instead of learning how to do things for herself..

in answer to your Qs -

Broken Down - phone the RAC
Forgot Purse - go home and get it
Sprained Ankle - raise it at home
had a row with someone - vent on a text but leave it at that
Locked out - Leave a key with neighbour in future
Pick up prescription - wait until another day
Pick up from hospital - get a taxi

she sounds rather damsel in dsitress and unwilling to help herself if im honest

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend

That’s rather a lot of ‘crises’ in a short time, OP.

I suspect she wants to feel looked after and has chosen you to do it. No-one minds helping a friend who is in genuine need especially if they are unwell but she is taking the mickey. You are going to feel even more resentful if this carries on. Just step back and be less available, she’ll soon learn to manage these minor issues for herself.

Situations are slightly different but I had a friend who constantly lent on me and would call me her “rock”. She had/has an on off relationship with her fiancé and as she didn’t have many close people in her life I felt like I was doing everything for her. I started to feel resentful, that I didn’t want to be there 24/7 anymore.

I went through a hard time myself and stepped back, you need to set boundaries “I’m busy at the moment working / with kids / with life, I can’t help right now”. She’s a grown woman, she’ll cope.

It is actually kinder in the long run to let her figure it out, rather than always rely on you to do it.

After stepping back from my friend she replaced me pretty quickly with another person who now runs around after her and is her new “rock”. Whilst we are still close friends, I’m glad I pulled back:

I'm single and do have people I could call on in a real emergency or crisis but nothing you've said fits that description. And I would have to be absolutely desperate with no other option to ask anyone for help. Because i'm a grown up who can solve my own problems.

She's a chancer who is taking the piss out of you and will continue to do so as long as you let her.

Taxi if a bus or train isnt viable.

Just eat/uber/prime

Call an emergency locksmith (I did once do this having just moved to a new area and I knocked on the neighbour to use there phone and they kindly let me stay for a coffee while I waited and apologised)

But beyond that what I would say is if in a crisis all she has is you thats very sad but not your responsibility and she maybe needs to ask herself why.

I must admit I read your OP and thought thats awful "good friend" recently single, genuine issues and youre saying you resent being her support.

But youve said the emergencies and breakdown - use your cover, locked out - if you had a key id call you otherwise id call who did or a locksmith, prescription - id have ordered ot to my home or got it myself if it wasnt a medical emergency. Additionally you said she isnt kind, and theres a reason you are all she has.

But id ask myself do i want to stay her friend

WTF? I presumed the person of contact would only be for emergencies when the patient was incapacitated or unconscious or something.

"pick up from hospital - book a taxi or book a transport service"

Yes, unless you've had a GA then the hospital will insist that someone goes with you in addition to the taxi driver.

This is also why OP is the only friend so it's a bigger burden.

This is me, or at least was before I met my boyfriend. Even now I have to be relatively independent because my bf doesn't live with me and isn't always available.

Pick up from hospital - for small things use public transport or a taxi. I did once have to have a friend present because I'd had a GA. I took the friend who was most available, but this was a bad choice because he was available because too mentally unwell to work so not the best person for this task. I also lied about him staying for 24 hours because I didn't want that.

To ill to get to shops - thankfully never happened. I was banned from going to the shops when I had Covid and so for the first time ever, I had a supermarket delivery. Having seen it, my neighbour then said she would have gone for me.

Locked out - I called a locksmith. If it happened at night or on the weekend, I would try to stay at a friend's and call the locksmith in business hours because they're expensive otherwise. I don't see why I'd need someone to pick my up in this situation.
Ideally, a very local friend would keep a spare key, but I haven't sorted this out.

Ah yeah I missed that update. If it's all very one way and she isn't showing kindness back to you then I think that changes things.

You don't have to help her if you don't want to. Say no to her when she phones you.

I'd be losing a "friend" who wasn't thoughtful or kind in life. Bugger that for a lark! Start gently cutting ties and not responding for a while.

It sounds like your friend does need to expand her network, but as she is recently divorced and likely adjusting to her new situation I think you should treat her with kindness and offer help where it is reasonable and you can.

You are very lucky to have a large loving family. Many people are on their own through absolutely no fault of their own (only child, no extended family etc). For those who are not in that situation, I think it can be difficult to comprehend how that feels.

I have spent a lot of my time living alone and I don't have those type of emergencies. I check I have my keys, purse, phone etc. I have AA cover for breakdowns and accidents.

If I am injured, I rest at home and get my shopping delivered. I might ask a friend to pick up a prescription for me.

It sounds as if your friend relied on her husband to do a lot of things for her. She now needs to rely on herself and get systems in place so she stops having so many 'emergencies'.

Taxi
Shop online. I maintain a well stocked freezer at all times.
I have a lockbox at my back door.
I even got an Apple watch that calls emergency services for if I fell and was injured around the house - I only stopped cleaning my own gutters last year and I'm in my 70's.

When you are single you have to be independent and prepared.

I do have a network but I would still try and sort it out myself before I ask anyone for help.

locked out - call a locksmith or ask a neighbour to help
too ill to get to shops - use uber eats or Tesco woosh
pick up from hospital - book a taxi or book a transport service

I wouldn't rely on one person either if I needed help. I feel that this will escalate for you into manipulation and falling out. I do feel for you, you don't want to be unkind but my advice is nip it in the bud now and say exactly what you have said about not being able to add another dependent to your list. and buy her a security box for a spare key.

I agreed to be NOK for a friend thinking it was only going to be for real emergencies. What actually happened was I was called by healthcare workers every time the friend had a medical appointment. I actually had people ringing me up saying "you need to bring X to their appointment at 830am tomorrow" without even knowing anything about me or where I lived. I could not believe it. Friend said they didn't know staff were calling me.

Hospital: Get a cab or use hospital transport.
Shopping: Shop online and get it delivered.
Locked out: Fair enough for a one-off but after that she needs to organise a spare key somewhere - e.g. with a neighbour, hidden in the garden, etc.

And encourage her to join clubs etc. to make new friends.

Hospital: Get a cab or use hospital transport.
Shopping: Shop online and get it delivered.
Locked out: Fair enough for a one-off but after that she needs to organise a spare key somewhere - e.g. with a neighbour, hidden in the garden, etc.

And encourage her to join clubs etc. to make new friends.

Being suddenly truly single is hard and it takes a while to adjust. She clearly hasn't adjusted and isn't trying to be independent as much as she should. I had lots of "oh, ex did that" moments, but i had no one to ask, so worked it out
If you're inclined to, then next time there is an "emergency", give her a solution that doesn't involve you. If you've had enough and don't want to help, you need to start saying "no, I can't help with that".
There are very few places where you genuinely need a NOK, and you are still allowed to say no.

But if you have helped her with all the things you say you did ,then you were able to help ,and managed your life accordingly to help her..if you wouldn't of been able to help you wouldn't of done .
So she now thinks your someone who will help her .
You need to not be available..don't always answer the phone and don't be so quick to reply or help ..
It's very sad she has no one .

Pick up from hosp? Taxi
Too ill to get shops? Order the food to be delivered
Locked out? Why would she be locked out when she lives alone??

I would help anyone in need, but there are limits as to what 'help' actually consists of, all of the above have alternative solutions, so she is choosing to burden you with them instead.

Instead of being a reciprocal friendship, at some point your relationship has merged into one of a carer.. that is how you need to broach this IMO.. say you are happy to be friends, but you cannot take on a caring role for anyone right now, so need a bit of space to reset those boundaries.

If she doesn't like that then she isn't your friend at all, she is just using you for what services you can provide for her.

I should also add that she is not very thoughtful or kind in life which I think also makes a difference

What do you mean by this exactly op?
In what way is she not kind or thoughtful? How does this manifest itself?

Are you saying that you would be able to do the things she is asking you to do if she were nicer? I thought this was an issue of capacity?

Op I think you need to be clearer in yourself about what you want from this friendship and about your own boundaries before you speak to her.

In your shoes I would take her out for a coffee and tell her gently that your family circumstances have changed and you are no longer able to support her with small or big emergencies and she needs to build friendships, possibly build an emergency network with other single women, as you are at capacity supporting family members which have to be your priority.

Otherwise you are just enabling her to think that she can go on relying on you and she won’t make the effort to expand her own networks.

Uber
Online shopping
Get my spare key from a friend