My friend treats me like her next of kin and I dont want to do it!

Pick up from hospital- get a taxi
Too ill to get to shops - get ASDA delivery
Locked out - call a locksmith

None of those sound like emergencies where a next of kin would be called… tell her to stop calling you for random crap like forgetting her purse

Sort it out myself.

I really like my friends and enjoy their company.

If they were stuck I’d help them and vice versa.

If I felt one beginning to take the piss I’d guide them towards helping themselves.

To be honest this thread has me baffled and sad!

First of all it sounds like OP doesn’t like her ‘friend’ as she’s being pretty nasty about her.

Secondly I’m surprised at the amount of people who wouldn’t help their friends.

Are friends people we hide problems from?

That's generally the case. However, you do have health workers - taking the piss and/or with limited resources - that try to push their responsibilities or that of other agencies onto you. When I was NoK to my mother, I was absolutely resolute that I wasn't able or available to do the stuff that fell to them. (And with my mother's agreement). Hell, if I'd done what they were asking, she'd never have got hospital transport & transport to appointments arranged through the hospital; or the carers visits arranged through the hospital; or plugged into the services that helped her with food, nutrition and shopping. She also would have been discharged prematurely from hospital without prior home visits and assessments. So I was NoK in the sense you imagine it to be - you just need to not be a doormat doing the jobs that fall to the hospital and other agencies

I was a lone parent for years no one to rely on. Many people have no one. My partner works away most weeks so the soonest he could ever be home in an emergency would be 12 hours.

Taxi
have a bit of emergency food in always bread in freezer or so on or an online shop or justeat or a takeaway
be an adult and don’t get locked out, have a spare Key. Never happened to me if it did I’d call a locksmith

as for her car breaking down she needs breakdown cover. Id got it and had to use it with a disability.

your friend needs to be an adult and look after herself.

"they are all genuine crisis but I cannot be her next of kin"

No, they're not all genuine crises. The only thing that would be a genuine crisis would be hospitalisation and you being contacted as NoK.

Personally, I would cut the non crisis stuff you have identified as crisis stuff - and do the NoK crisis thing. I mean, presumably you'd want to know if she'd been admitted to hospital

Doesn’t sound like you like her very much, OP?

OP, mute her. Stop spending time with her. You are being used as her go to crutch without being asked if you want the role.
Stop spending so much time with her. Take control of the situation. Stop answering her SOS's.
I wouldn't dream of bothering anyone for favours like that. Wouldn't occur to me.

As did I!!!

@Firefly45 I’m curious, how often does she contact you? Is she messaging several times a day, with her latest drama?

If you think those are emergencies - then you're as daft as she is

I deal with it all on my own as I hate asking for help.

I'm newly widowed - and it's a sad and shitty thing, but part of arranging this new type of life is doing this kind of contingency planning - all of the above I've needed to do.

Pick up from hospital - I've grabbed an Uber, with ones where I've needed supervised pick up i arranged with a friendly work colleague, and another friend - both given thank you flowers after and huge gratitude.

Too ill for shops - Uber eats (but I also have good neighbours who would help)

Locked out - I have a key safe, and spare car keys

Yes it's lovely to have a community around you, but it takes time and reciprocal effort to build that up, and you do need to change your mindset to not automatically having that safety bet, which again is hard but very necessary imo.

Taxi
Home delivery
Spare key somewhere, or call a locksmith

"Be there for your friend if she's ill" is next-level if they've made you NOK because there will be a lot of stuff that medics and possibly other bodies will expect you to deal with, and you are unlikely to get any compassionate leave for it from work. I had a manager query a day of for my grandmother's funeral, I can only imagine what he'd have said if I'd tried to take time to organise a care package for a friend who was laid-up at home (he was a total tool though, tbf).
I think you just need keep saying no most (not all) of the time, until she gets the message that you are her friend but can't be family.

Pick up from hosp? Taxi
Too ill to get shops? Delivery
Locked out? What the bloody hell is my 80 mother going to do??

Taxi, online order, phone locksmith?
I have people who could help me but for those sort of things i probably wouldnt even ask - they aren't insurmountable problems! The only exception would be if you were so ill you literally couldnt get home without assistance, in which case if I didnt have someone Id have to stay in hospital until they could arrange social care - I wouldnt expect a friend, or family member, even a very close one to literally leave their family, move in and nurse me for several weeks!

These are not crisis! Stop being a doormat!

No longer the case for me but when I was:

1. Uber/taxi
2. Delivery
3. Call the locksmith

I wouldn’t call these emergencies necessarily, maybe the hospital would be if I needed someone with me. But the other two I wouldn’t need someone to help me with. The sprained ankle mentioned before is fair if it wasn’t on the roadside and I needed help to get home that I wouldn’t expect a taxi driver to provide. But most of the others are things that adults can figure out on their own

Actually - I’ve had a re-think.

Contact her soon with a ‘crisis’ of your own and see if she steps up (and if it’s done happily and willingly).

That’ll make it easier. My guess is she won’t help, sadly. Shes one of life’s takers and they’re exhausting to be around.

Lifts - walk, bus or Uber

Too ill for shops - small supermarket shop via Uber Eats / Just Eat or freezer crap, or nothing TBH

Locked out - I’ve got a key hidden and one with a neighbour

You’ve enough on your plate already with family commitments. She will cope - thousands of single people do. Even with a big network most of us can - and do - figure this type of stuff out using our own initiative.

Becoming independent will be a blessing to her long term.

You’re not U to not want the NOK responsibilities if she was incapacitated in hospital (would it extend to making decisions about life support?!). It’s one thing going to visit if she’s ill and another altogether to be a nominated decision maker.

Just tell her you can’t do any of this anymore - it doesn’t sound like it’ll be much loss if she throws a tantrum and falls out with you anyway!

What illness?

I do agree and I’ve never needed anyone to bring me shopping.

However, I would hope that if I ever did need it someone would do it for me.

So I’d be interested in how much is this just her being too codependent or whether she’s genuinely had a run of bad luck.

Getting ill, breaking down and locking yourself out aren’t regular occurrences for most people and aren’t done purposely, so I would hope it is just a run of bad luck.

If shes already been stressed and then had the added stress of breaking down, that could definitely make her ill and that could have resulted in things like getting locked out.