AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

ha, my mum did this, used to drive me crazy, but in reality she did me a huge favour, so i if course wouldn't of ever said anything, but i do get its a bit much.

but again i was just super grateful i got the help

I feel like there's loads missing from your post. Who took them swimming? Who made their dinner? And then who put them to bed? How long did the business trip last? How long was she minding? Today and yesterday? Help put the to bed- help who? And supervise until we're home sounds like a really small ask but I imagine the ask was bigger.

Yes, but its poor manners to contribute to a mess and not clean it up. I can't imagine babysitting and leaving a mess behind.

I would be annoyed coming home to a mess that wasn't there when I left. I don't expect a spotless house but when my mum and MIL babysit they clean up the majority of the mess created during their time with the children, they will at least rinse dishes and stack them neatly in the sink. My mum babysat for three hours earlier this week and I came home to dishwasher unloaded and dirty dishes put in, clean playroom and children's bedroom. She said she got the children involved in cleaning and they had a great time.

If I go to PIL or my mums home for dinner, I will clear the table and load the dishwasher and help clear the kitchen. It is common curtsy.

A lot of DILs would be offended their MIL cleaned up and would see it as a criticism of how they keep their house. Can't win!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

And there it is.

Your mother is mothering you.

Your MIL is not your mother. She's there to watch her grandkids (and take them to swimming, feed them, bathe them etc) as a favour to you because your DH couldn't be arsed to adjust his work around your trip.

Yes go ahead and scold your MIL about her efforts not being up to the standard you expect, I’m sure she’ll be suitably contrite.
Or maybe she’ll tell you to shove it, like I would if my DIL spoke to me like that.
Good luck to you and your DH with balancing trips away and late night working along with responsibility for dogs and kids without your MIL’s help in the future, or maybe your saintly mum will just do it every time?

Has anyone else noticed the irony of the sneering at the OP for 'wanting it all' or for her 'entitlement' while at the same time pontificating about older women being seen as domestic appliances and telling the OP to clean her own house?

The entire point of the feminism I ascribe to is that women have each others' backs, and as far as I'm concerned that means not leaving a mess for some other woman to clean up, and doing more than the bare minimum when you agree to support another woman.

The sneering about the 'high flying career' is downright nasty.

Shame on you all.

Some of us take pride in leaving a place as we would wish to find it.

Not all, it seems, but some.

I'm an 'older woman' and I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I had dropped the ball they way this MIL did.

It is not ok to leave a mess like that in a house with small children, shite all over the floor and the kitchen a tip, and it's not one bit ok to neglect the dogs.

This MIL gave the OP and her H a massive middle finger. If you agree to take care of someone's children, part of your responsibility is to make sure their environment is clean and tidy, and that the children are not subjected to bargain basement standards of care - you make sure they are both fed AND watered - and you don't leave the dogs bursting to go out unless you're really going to town with the passive aggression.

That's a very low bar, and the kids were complaining they were thirsty.

I don’t expect it of myself even let alone a babysitter. Sometimes I’m completely frazzled and have zero energy and give zero shits about tidying the house!

There’s more than one way to live and lots of us don’t see the odd bit of mess as being lazy, it’s just life.

She hasn’t left her own mess everywhere it’s just your kids stuff

"would have did it"?!

That can't sound right to you, surely 🫨

This 100%

I'm in my 30s so not exactly on the receiving end of this treatment, but I can't stand the way society views older women.

Sometimes people can’t do right for doing wrong.

My mum was (IMO) an absolute star when she babysat. She’d tidy up, iron, clean the oven - she was like a house elf. When she did the same thing for my sister my DSis was furious at what she interpreted as criticism of her housekeeping.

I think YABU. She looked after your children. Presumably they felt safe and loved while you were away. That’s a win. Anything extra is a bonus.

Did you ask her to let the dogs out? If so, she is cruel to not let them out in the garden for some air and a wee/poo if they’ve been inside all day.

She could have put the wet swimming costumes and towels straight into the washing machine or on the radiator. Did you give her any instructions on what to do with the wet stuff?

Dishes - whose were they? Yours from the morning? Hers and the kids? If she cooked and made herself and the kids some tea (or dinner if that’s what you call your evening meal) then I wouldn’t be angry at the dishes. I’d be grateful she’d cooked for and fed my kids. Washing up a few dishes only takes 5 minutes.

Maybe leave her a checklist next time? If I was MIL , there wouldn’t be a second time.
No good deed goes unpunished.
But my DF use to babysit for me and I’m telling you now, he just kept the children alive and happy.

So don't ask her again and find someone else next time.

Poor dogs.

Yeah exactly but she’ll come back on here bleating about the ‘village’ and how she deserves free childcare and cleaning from everyone in her family despite never being a villager and doing the same amount of cleaning/ baby sitting whatever

Apologies if I missed it….. but how much are you paying her for the childcare she provides…?

My mum sounds like yours OP and I would never come home to this. The most “annoying” thing she does is take my washing home to her house as she insists her machine is quicker so I never know where anything is!
I also ty to leave somewhere as tidy if not tidier as when I entered when I’m staying somewhere, including when looking after kids, and would expect a quick square up/bags emptied/dishes away at least, not a dog lover so that feels like a huge unnecessary pressure to me.

I’d say you should tell your MIL that you think she’s a Skanky bitch and not good enough to look after your children for free, so you won’t be using her again and you will only be using your own mother because she is just perfect and will clean up after your children and you to your standards and for free. Just a thought? Maybe also tell your husband how bad her cleaning is and that’s why she should never be used in the future to provide child care because she won’t clean your house.

I hope that when your children marry and have children you daughter in law posts on the internet about how shit your cleaning is.

Maybe you should pay for child care or just ask your perfect mother instead of Dh’s who you wish would behave like a maid for you?

I have this.
Mil will clean the house spotless. She will even sort all the washing.
My own mum i will come home to a bomb site. Its abit annoying but some people just dont see mess and I just think how lucky I am to have childcare when I need it.