AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

I spent half my teens and early twenties babysitting for my sister's kids (unpaid). According to my mum, I was a lazy teen but I still tidied, washed dishes, did laundry and cooked for the kids and adults. I didn't vacuum or clean bathrooms though.

I sympathise! I have come to accept it is what it is - we probably don't take up as many offers as help from my DH parents as we could because it takes hours to tidy up when they are gone.

In my ideal world they would just maybe try and put a few toys away before letting the kids get out more, or move their dirty plates and cups into the kitchen - little things. I wouldn't expect them to clear up any mess that was already there.

But they don't and I would never ask because they are doing us a favour - it's the price we pay I suppose.

I remember my mum babysitting when I was pregnant and I had to go home as I had a funny turn at my till (think suddenly zoning out and becoming confused). I got home to my house being an absolute tip too. Not great

This thread has gone exactly the way I thought it would.

My mum would have tidied up too. And I would tidy up for my children and grandchildren. I’d probably have a lasagne in the oven too.

As someone who had zero babysitting help, ever, YABU. It might not be ideal but she's doing you a big favour.

I would swap places with you instantly to have a family member who would come and look after my kids. The 'mess' is only stuff you would have to deal with if you were there anyway.

I was ascribing to sarcasm not feminism.
DH probably said to his mum see to the kids you don't have to do anything else. Showing more respect for the sisterhood than OP.
And as I said in my post it can't have been that bad if she's had time to rant on Mumsnet all evening.

I’m not sure about school bags and swimming bags but not letting the dogs out is totally wrong. And who feeds young children in their care then doesn’t tidy up the dishes afterwards.

But as everyone has said she’s doing you a favour so you can either not ask her again or put up with it. Sending a message is unlikely to end well.

She’s not the parent or a servant. She’s doing them a favour so it is unbelievably rude to then moan

😂Expect mil to then tell her to do one and pay a dog sitter, nanny and cleaner whilst she’s in the process.

Oh yes, please text her and tell her how disappointed you are and how she needs to do better next time or unfortunately you won't be able to ask her to do you favours in future.

My MIL won’t even pour herself a glass of water or remove her plate from the table after she’s been hosted, let alone look after the kids! 😂

It’s a tricky one as she is doing you a favour, but letting the dogs out is the bare minimum. Even as a guest in someone’s house, i’ll help tidy up such as washing my mug etc. She’s doing the bare minimum as she’s helping out so doesn’t feel/want to tidy up after your kids as well. You can’t really complain, but it would be nice if she did help keep a little order to the chaos.

I think people are reading the title and reacting to it without reading your post, OP.

Normally I would say YABU but with stuff everywhere, wet swimmers and the poor dogs not let out, I would say YANBU. Not at all. Can you send her a (politely worded) text saying your disappointment and you were exhausted from a 5am start and 3 hour journey and got in to a mess and the dogs not even let out? Can your DH speak to her?

Many others absolutely would not and that’s more than fine.

I don’t think you can expect it, as others have said. Also, it hardly sounds like a major tidy up.

OP did not say she expected MIL to “slave sorting what other person left undone in their own house!”. She said that had she been in MIL shoes she would have cleaned up any mess made while she was with the children.

I didn’t say that you used the words “frail”. Can’t you read?!

You did say she was a retiree which comes with assumptions about her energy level. And if you weren’t making assumptions then I’m unclear why you would label her in the first place.

Maybe she was taking a quick break to read her book before cleaning up the mess but in that case she should have offered to help OP with tidying before she left. It’s common sense to tidy away dishes. I don’t think OP was expecting a deep clean but it is reasonable for MIL and children to tidy their mess away prior to bedtime.

I would assume it’s because they’re boys and so aren’t expected to do any work that females should be doing.

Do a job badly and you won’t be asked to do it again. She doesn’t want to be your go to childcare option. That’s fair enough. Now you know.

You cannot really win as a MIL I looked after my grandchild when small would be there for the day and while the baby/ toddler napped would do a tidy up, but was told it wasn’t appreciated as I was only there to entertain/ supervise the grandchild 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely you have the intelligence to grasp that your children are "thirsty" because they want to chat to their mum?

Yabu to expect your MIL to be your skivvy . Where is DH in all this? Or DFIL? Why can't they tidy?

Right, you say your MIL was there for.. bathtime and putting the children to bed and supervise till you got home.
So, where under her watch did the dishes get dirty and the kids went swimming?
That is quite the bedtime routine!
I would sort the items I used while looking after the children. So dishes if I gave them dinner, swimming costumes if I took them swimming. But no way I am going to slave sorting what other person left undone in their own house!
The thirst, did they tell their grandma they were thirsty? Do you give them any drink after bath and bedtime?

How strange that your children, whilst perfectly able to tell you that they are thirsty are unable to communicate that to their grandmother or, better yet, turn on the tap and hold a cup under it. Is that the result of the same disability that means they can't empty a swimming bag?

If this isn’t a joke, it’s absolutely fucking awful.
if I was looking after my sons children, would I have picked up a few bits off the floor? Probably.
but if I found out his wife expected me to do more, my response the next time he asked me to do them a favour would be ‘fuck off you ungrateful entitled x’

op - when your dad, dil or brother babysit for you, how much cleaning do you expect them to do?

The op needs to be paying a dog walker. It’s not her mil’s responsibility to care for them.