AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

When visiting DD I always help around the house and DH does stuff in the garden as we like to do it and that's the way we are. My own mum used to do the ironing if there was any if she came round to babysit but my MIL would just sit if ever she came round and that was fine. I think you're being unreasonable in your expectation of your MIL. Haven't read the full thread but how old are your children and why aren't they putting their own stuff away?

Well now you know the level of help mil offers so just make sure you make it clear to DH that either it’s your mum or he gets home first to deal with the mess mil leaves if he insists on asking her.

🤣

They are 4 and 6.

Don’t try and say ooo my kids at 3 and 5 did all their own laundry!! It’s not realistic to expect 4 and 6 year old to use a washing machine to clean their own clothes, that’s a grown ups job

Tbf its not her house, they're not her kids, she's not your mother and it's not her job. You asked her to look after them, which she has. She doesn't have to clean your house.

This is honestly like my mum. And the reason I don’t ask her to have my kids anymore. It’s just not worth it. It’s not entitled to expect basic courtesy when in someone else home

I think this might go to the heart of it actually.

It isn't tidying up after herself that you're really expecting, it's tidying up after your children. And I don't think that is the same thing.

Oh that’s not on !!

I am astonished by how ungrateful you are.

It's a huge favour to take two kids that age swimming, give them dinner and put them to bed. God forbid she relax and read a book afterwards!

We don't have anyone to do this for us so either one of us has to say no to a work commitment which clashes with the other's or we call in a favour from a school parent who definitely won't do our washing, washing up and make us a cuppa 😅

I’d be annoyed she hadn’t let the dogs out …but how do you know she hadn’t let them out ?
Did they do wees in the house ?
I know if it were me looking after grandchildren then I’d let dogs out , pop a wash on with the swimming things , and clear away the worst of the dinner dishes .
And yes I’m older but I could not stand sitting in a mess

I voted AIBU as I think you shouldn't expect it.
BUT I get how annoying it is. When my parents look after my DC (its usually overnight as they live so far away), the house looks like a hurricane went through it. I'm not asking them to tidy my house if its messy before hand or have it pristine, all that would be nice is if they tidied up after themselves / the children if they are looking after them so I don't then have a few hours of sorting it all out again.

Our youngest have always known soon as they get in empty bags, swimming stuff and dirty school bits in washing machine, lunch boxes drinks cups etc in dishwasher and anything used at tea time that's from all ages 3-16 ...so no I wouldn't expect my mum or mil to do it other than let dogs out but they never need asked to do that

Wow. That's quite some level of entitlement.

I sympathise with coming home after a long day to a messy house. But don’t lay this as your MIL’s door. Looking after small children probably takes a lot out of her. Perhaps your mum would have tidied alongside that, which would be wonderful. But it’s absolutely not something you can expect MIL to do while caring for small children. You say that you would do that if you were in her position. I hope that in 3 decades time you have the energy for that. But at this stage you have no idea what your body will and won’t be capable of then.

Tell that to your kids then.

YADNBU
She sounds a bit ignorant and/or lazy to me.
I don’t know anyone who would leave wet swimming gear in bags.

For once a problem easily solved - don’t ask her again.

But I bet you will.

But why shouldn't the kids have took their wet swimming stuff out and put in washing machine

Yes, absolutely right.

My MIL baby sat for one hour for an emergency baby scan. Cleaner had literally just left a few hours prior. Came home to their fish supper in our bagless recycling bin, fish stuck to the sides- our rubbish bin is right next to it! Dirty juice cans left on the side and plates piled up above our empty dishwasher, house was absolutely stinking. 😂

Why arent you irritated at your husband for not doing this stuff, and mobilising the children to pick up after themselves? Absolutely I would expect the MIL to perhaps supervise the kids to unpack the wet swimming togs, or to wash up her plate and glass if she had something to eat, but tidying up and washing up all the mess? No, absolutely not! She's a kind relative doing you a favour, not unpaid domestic help.

If you don't like the quality of the free childcare that you've been given, then don't avail yourself of it, and pay for a childminder instead.

No! The entire point of feminism is not to expect women to skivvy for each other as much as they have done for men. The entire point of feminism was that women would be see as equal to men in society, that these jobs are not seen as womens work, yet where are the expectations on the men here? Everyone posting about what a marvellous skivvy their own mother is, but don't mention their fathers, because the expectation is STILL entirely different.

Go on less business trips?

oh yes boss sorry I can’t go to that conference in Geneva on thursday, I have to be at home to put the swimming kit in the washing machine because my MIL isn’t able to

those ‘business trips’ pay the bill you idiot

It is fine, but it’s annoying and stressful to come home to a big mess after being awake early in the morning and traveling all day. I would seek out other care in the future if it bothered me.