AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

A major tidy up is some dishes, some swimming bags, achool bags and letting the dog out?

YABU

Neither of the grandparents have ever sorted the the kids with anything. And when they babysat (that was rare) - it was on the condition the kids were in bed sleeping. And we were very grateful that we were able to go out!

Where was your dh - he seems to have passed the buck!

Op's mil didn't do any of that though. Schoolbags not put away, swimwear not taken out and washed, dishes not done, that is what the op described and none of it would take more that a few mins once op or the dh got home, especially with the dc fed and in bed.

Does this mean that your mum has to not only tidy up for when you are due to arrive back but in case you come back unexpectedly also? I assume your mum had babysat before, and when you got back at the expected time, did not leave a mess?

And I had a MIL that fed my kids crisps then said they wouldn't eat dinner that I'd cooked...but you know what, I sucked it up as she was doing me a massive favour babysitter

This! Why have you raised your kids to be such messy buggers? Teach them to put their swimming stuff away etc rather than expecting others to do it.

Yeah you sound spoiled

Normally, I disagree with MN about babysitting being a 'massive favour' and all that. Don't see it this way.

But jesus, you're a cheeky fucker, ain't you? Sort your own goddamn kids, their mess and your tip of a house. Where's their father? In a meeting? So he can clean afterwards. Hire a nanny, hire a maid/cleaner, if you don't manage to adult between two grown people.

Your MIL did a nice thing, helped you out. She's not your servant, FFS. It's not 'her mess', it's yours, your kids' mess. I'd do the same as her, sure as hell I wouldn't 'tidy' your tip. And if I heard that you bitched about me behind my back, you could watch your sprogs yourself the next time.

The only thing she did wrong was the dogs.

I'm very far from MIL age and don't have a MIL myself, no skin in the game.

I would have expected the swim stuff to have been sorted ( or at least out of the bags to dry a bit ) but dependant on ages kids should be putting their own stuff away and into wash baskets out to dry. If she fed them again plates into dishwasher can be done by kids/ her but apart from swim bags and water anything else could have waited till the morning so didn’t need doing when you got back. Also when was DH back?

But... she was with the children for bath and bedtime. That is what OP said in her opening post.

My MIL would do this. I went back to work and kids were in wrap around care except one day when they needed picking up and taking to an activity.

She would walk into a clean tidy house, bring all the ingredients to make pancakes and make them and leave a huge mess, with kids fed on beige crap at an odd time of day, so hungry later on. She would pull out toys/ make a mess etc. She would nt find the time to tidy up but would find the time to move my furniture around to ‘make it look better.’

i sucked it up as it was a favour, but it was a total power move, which I have never forgotten.

Some people's attitudes on here are very transactional; you can only hope for a bit of tidying if you're paying someone cold hard cash?
It's just common sense to let the dogs out and take wet clothes out of swimming bags (although I'd wonder where to hang them, if I didn't know the house/routines; but if someone did it for me and hung them somewhere weird, I'd still be grateful that they'd been taken out at all).
I can't say I'd do the dishes, though.

Ah dgc? So you’re a grandma and quite a long time since you’ve been a mother! Your expectations of a very small child to put their shoes away completely unprompted every single time is unrealistic. Rose tinted glasses is very easy from the older generation

As OP has been away, she will not know how bad a state her husband had left the house in before her MIL arrived. Perhaps MIL has already done some tidying up and is now quite rightly putting her feet up.

How much are you paying your MIL Maid? Swopped in with a coffee?

I think you’re thinking of an 8 year old. To expect a 4 yo to unpack their own bags at the end of the day is not very realistic. Shoes fine but again, will often need reminding.

im baffled why this is all on the kids when the MIL is a fully grown adult. She sounds like she needs some training!!

The kids left the wet swimming stuff on the floor, they should be better trained by OP.

Hard agree!

A family member has a tonne of unwritten rules and expectations from others.

I mean the list is bloody endless.

We have stepped back massively because we are no longer willing to meet the expectations. We have our own limitations which she has absolutely no understanding of or appreciation for.

She feels utterly abandoned which obviously we are not happy about but is largely out of our control.

We felt put upon and drained by the weight of expectations and the subtle passive aggressive criticism when we didn’t live up to them.

Don’t be that soldier putting yourself in that situation. Expect others to live by their own standards and limitations not your expectations. Say thank you.

But after they'd been told this every day since babies it should be automatic

My 15 month dgc is told each day about shoes so by the time they are 4 ....

I can see someone coming on here and posting that their MIL came to do a spot of babysitting, did all the tidying up and now they feel shamed.

Your mum knows she can do whatever as it's a different relationship and if she's always been a doer, that's what you know and expect.

Your MIL is more a visitor and needs explicit instructions. It's just a different dynamic. My Mil used to come and tell me how to clean, my mum never came at all, so you should be far more grateful than you sound.

Yeah so you used to tell them and prompt them. There was adult input. MIL is not doing this at all. MIL isn’t reminding the kids to put shoes away etc etc. this isn’t being done like you explain

No but they can take the stuff out the bag and put the inside the machine. No one said they had to switch it on, add powder etc

I used to tell mine to do that as soon as we entered the house. As well as put shoes on rack etc.

If the kids were fed, happy and in bed I would be thrilled.

You and DH divide the tasks of wet swimmers, lunch boxes/bags, dishes and attending to dog between you and it will take all of 20 minutes.

Thank MIL and have a cup of tea.

At ages 4 and 6 you can start to train your children to empty their wet swimmers into the washing basket, put lunch boxes in the kitchen etc. If they were well trained in their after school routine MIL would not have to learn it.

Maybe after the cup of tea, MIL would have packed the dishwasher and wiped the kitchen.. But she possibly enjoyed the children rather than the housework. Fair enough.

Why did you leave your house in such a state?