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AIBU?

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She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

207 replies

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:00

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/05/2026 21:30

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:28

She was one of his sober friends who I believed would be a better influence on him and I sought her out specifically to try and rekindle their friendship, to which she was very receptive to and positive about. She is also linked to his addict friends but not necessarily in the same real-life social circles.

Edited

Were you also an addict?

Canthi87 · 14/05/2026 21:30

I suspect she just looks at anything that comes up at the top of her screen. I tend to look at most of it. It doesn't mean I'm following that person particularly or that I'm even interested in them. Sometimes I click on by accident because Im watching something else or it automatically starts when another finishes. I think the fact that you're checking who is looking at them is a bit odd and you'll come across as strange if you contact her because you are monitoring who is looking at your stories.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:28

Pinribbons · 14/05/2026 21:24

Do you want to contact her? Is it that she was one of his "good" friends and yiubthink contact withvher woukd be helpful/comforting to you, or are you wanting to challenge her a out looking at your story.

If you don't want people to look don't post or make it private. If you think she's trying to reach out, and you'd like that, contact her.

Why does his family hold you responsible? I doesn't sound like you're an addict too, so why do they think you had a hand in his death? Why don't they want his addict friends contacting you? I'm a bit confused.

She was one of his sober friends who I believed would be a better influence on him and I sought her out specifically to try and rekindle their friendship, to which she was very receptive to and positive about. She is also linked to his addict friends but not necessarily in the same real-life social circles.

OP posts:
Sartre · 14/05/2026 21:25

As others have said, I think you should block her. It’s weird she’s spying on you daily but hasn’t reached out imo. If you really enjoy drama just send a message to ask whether she’s enjoying the pics of organic food and shitty memes.

Pinribbons · 14/05/2026 21:24

Do you want to contact her? Is it that she was one of his "good" friends and yiubthink contact withvher woukd be helpful/comforting to you, or are you wanting to challenge her a out looking at your story.

If you don't want people to look don't post or make it private. If you think she's trying to reach out, and you'd like that, contact her.

Why does his family hold you responsible? I doesn't sound like you're an addict too, so why do they think you had a hand in his death? Why don't they want his addict friends contacting you? I'm a bit confused.

Trallers · 14/05/2026 21:24

I would guess the best case scenario is that she's nosey/curious and likes seeing what you're up to. Worst case she's keeping an eye and gossiping/reporting back. Either way I bet she doesn't realise you can see who views your stories. If she wanted to reach out she could message you on IG presumably? Would you be hoping for contact with this lady if you messaged her? I'd be worried it would leave you feeling rejected (or worse) if you got the wrong response.

mommatoone · 14/05/2026 21:22

Why don't you just block her so she can't see it? I don't understand.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:22

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2026 21:20

Ah ok, I understand now. I dont think it means anything per se, however it is obviously being used as a means to gossip if his other friends then viewed your holiday so you need to take it off public.

I really don't mind if people are gossiping about me, I gossip about other people all the time.

The inquest was clear in its findings and there was not even a second of entertainment by the coroner of any allegations made against me by the family.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 14/05/2026 21:20

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:16

He was an addict and died from an accidental overdose but the family seemed to believe that I caused the death and voiced that opinion at the inquest, but as I mentioned, the coroner abruptly shut that down as there was no evidence or suggestion to substantiate their claim.

Ah ok, I understand now. I dont think it means anything per se, however it is obviously being used as a means to gossip if his other friends then viewed your holiday so you need to take it off public.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:17

TofuTuesday · 14/05/2026 21:14

Im really sorry op im struggling to understand.
you asked this friend to connect with dp to try to steer him away from addicts he was socialising with
sadly he died soon after
at the funeral your family told anyone he knew to stay away
you wonder if she would like to reconnect with you, and would be ok with this?

Edited

DPs family were not keen for anyone to interact with me further and everyone from his life abruptly stopped contact with me all at once right before the funeral. Three people who approached me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

OP posts:
RaspberryFeet · 14/05/2026 21:17

I can’t see any point in asking her about it. What could she possibly say that would be a good outcome?

I suppose she might say she thinks you are interesting but would that make you feel happy?

She’s far more likely to ignore you or even to say something that you don’t like.

BellatrixpureBlood · 14/05/2026 21:16

Why are these people allowed to view your instagram after cutting you out if their lives? You can change privacy settings

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:16

BurnoutBee · 14/05/2026 21:15

That’s tough if your IG story is public. If you have public settings it’s public consumption. You don’t get to decide who sees it ? Just close your IG down to friends only. Problem solved.

I don't mind that she's looking I just wondered if it means anything.

OP posts:
neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:16

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2026 21:14

I would restrict to followers only not public.

Im not sure i understand the circumstances of you being outcast though. Was he an addict that went cold turkey?

He was an addict and died from an accidental overdose but the family seemed to believe that I caused the death and voiced that opinion at the inquest, but as I mentioned, the coroner abruptly shut that down as there was no evidence or suggestion to substantiate their claim.

OP posts:
BurnoutBee · 14/05/2026 21:15

That’s tough if your IG story is public. If you have public settings it’s public consumption. You don’t get to decide who sees it ? Just close your IG down to friends only. Problem solved.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2026 21:15

Let sleeping dogs lie, nothing good will come from taking any action here.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:15

UnhappyHobbit · 14/05/2026 21:13

Why did your DPs family instruct people not to speak to you?

I explained it in the original post, they believe that I participated in DPs death even though it was ruled an accident and they raised this opinion at the inquest. My Mother also remembers receiving a call from one of the parents saying something along the lines of 'had they not met, he would be alive still'.

OP posts:
TofuTuesday · 14/05/2026 21:14

Im really sorry op im struggling to understand.
you asked this friend to connect with dp to try to steer him away from addicts he was socialising with
sadly he died soon after
at the funeral your family told anyone he knew to stay away
you wonder if she would like to reconnect with you, and would be ok with this?

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2026 21:14

I would restrict to followers only not public.

Im not sure i understand the circumstances of you being outcast though. Was he an addict that went cold turkey?

MauriceTheMussel · 14/05/2026 21:13

Set your profile to private (for so many reasons!)

Dalmationday · 14/05/2026 21:13

I don’t think watching someone’s story means as much as you think. I scroll most days and just flick through the stories as they auto come up.

personally I would unfriend or de list her and just move on with your life

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/05/2026 21:13

I don’t understand what there is to ‘reach out’ about? Putting public stories out every single day means you want people to view them, and she’s a bit nosy. There’s nothing in this

UnhappyHobbit · 14/05/2026 21:13

Why did your DPs family instruct people not to speak to you?

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:11

YourShyLion · 14/05/2026 21:10

How do you know she's looking at your story? Just curious because I didn't know that was a thing.

It says her name and photo every time. I noticed that when I went to the Bahamas and posted it own my story that a few of his friends also viewed my story so I wonder if there's some group chat where she posts anything she finds scandalous. TBF I did wait a good 2 years after his death to go away...

OP posts:
YourShyLion · 14/05/2026 21:10

How do you know she's looking at your story? Just curious because I didn't know that was a thing.