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AIBU?

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She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

207 replies

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:00

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

OP posts:
neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:25

CinnamonJellyBeans · 14/05/2026 22:24

It's really digusting that his parents and friends are dealers/addicts and yet tried to blame his death on you, the non-user.

If she didn't have the gumption to support you at the time of your DP's death, she is weak and a bad friend. You don't need her now. Just block her and have nothing more to do with any of them. You deserve to be free of them and their toxicity.

She was more close with his friends and family so of course I could not have expected her loyalty to be to me

OP posts:
CinnamonJellyBeans · 14/05/2026 22:24

It's really digusting that his parents and friends are dealers/addicts and yet tried to blame his death on you, the non-user.

If she didn't have the gumption to support you at the time of your DP's death, she is weak and a bad friend. You don't need her now. Just block her and have nothing more to do with any of them. You deserve to be free of them and their toxicity.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:23

Happyjoe · 14/05/2026 22:19

They've made your loss much harder by their actions imo.

Please just live your life the very very best you can with all you have been through and keep these negative people out of your mind.

Yep. Be nice if we could all share photos but no such luck.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 14/05/2026 22:19

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:17

DPs family were not keen for anyone to interact with me further and everyone from his life abruptly stopped contact with me all at once right before the funeral. Three people who approached me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

They've made your loss much harder by their actions imo.

Please just live your life the very very best you can with all you have been through and keep these negative people out of your mind.

maybethisway · 14/05/2026 22:15

mommatoone · 14/05/2026 22:13

OP- please answer the question. Why don't you block her if it bothers you so much? Genuine (and reasonable ) question.

I don’t think it does bother her. She’s asking if she should get in touch, not complaining that she’s viewing.

Toomuchbaggage · 14/05/2026 22:15

I also think that if you reached out, they may just ignore and stop watching your stuff, rather than engage. Which would also give you a bit of closure on this perhaps.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:14

mommatoone · 14/05/2026 22:13

OP- please answer the question. Why don't you block her if it bothers you so much? Genuine (and reasonable ) question.

It doesn't bother me.

OP posts:
mommatoone · 14/05/2026 22:13

OP- please answer the question. Why don't you block her if it bothers you so much? Genuine (and reasonable ) question.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:11

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 14/05/2026 22:11

Ah ok so she doesn’t follow you so has clearly searched for your profile every day.

nosey then?

maybe just make your profile private. If she wants to connect, she can follow request then. It’s prob better to have a private profile anyway- lots of weirdos about

I specifically post so that there is nothing a weirdo could do anything with

OP posts:
Toomuchbaggage · 14/05/2026 22:11

ClayPotaLot · 14/05/2026 21:48

I see why you think she might want a connection but is hesitant, and I see why you would like a connection to someone who was part of his "good" past. I think it could be risky to reach out, though. If you would be okay with rejection, or even an offensive response, you don't have a lot to lose. But if you're still fragile about the whole the thing, I would just leave it.

This is what I was going to say OP.

I guess you just have to prep yourself for whatever worst outcome you can think of, and if you don't feel strong enough to face that, then either ignore or block/change settings. Either way it seems you need a bit of closure.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 14/05/2026 22:11

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:05

Everyday for 2 years is intentional though as we don't follow each other. Not even sure how she found my profile as I never gave it to her

Edited

Ah ok so she doesn’t follow you so has clearly searched for your profile every day.

nosey then?

maybe just make your profile private. If she wants to connect, she can follow request then. It’s prob better to have a private profile anyway- lots of weirdos about

maybethisway · 14/05/2026 22:07

Yes, why not get in touch with her? You both cared for him and I am sure you both have a lot of unresolved trauma from his sudden death.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 22:05

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 14/05/2026 22:05

I don’t think it means anything. You’ve presumably accepted her follow request or your profile is an open one. You post stories for people to view. She is viewing them. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than you’re both bored? I often click through stories when I’m bored - I don’t often see/talk to the people whose stories I click on- I’m just bored and scrolling

Everyday for 2 years is intentional though as we don't follow each other. Not even sure how she found my profile as I never gave it to her

OP posts:
Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 14/05/2026 22:05

Gowlett · 14/05/2026 22:00

I think this too. I just look at whatever comes up, I don’t actually search for anything. I also didn’t know that you can see who is looking. I’d say she’s just scrolling…

If you click on your own story and scroll down it shows you who has viewed it

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 14/05/2026 22:05

I don’t think it means anything. You’ve presumably accepted her follow request or your profile is an open one. You post stories for people to view. She is viewing them. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than you’re both bored? I often click through stories when I’m bored - I don’t often see/talk to the people whose stories I click on- I’m just bored and scrolling

Gowlett · 14/05/2026 22:00

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/05/2026 21:13

I don’t understand what there is to ‘reach out’ about? Putting public stories out every single day means you want people to view them, and she’s a bit nosy. There’s nothing in this

I think this too. I just look at whatever comes up, I don’t actually search for anything. I also didn’t know that you can see who is looking. I’d say she’s just scrolling…

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:59

ThornsInACheapBouquet · 14/05/2026 21:51

Comparing a man staying with his wife when she ate cake and got fat with you staying with an addict is totally unreasonable. A few stone weight nowhere near the behaviours of a drug addict and what they will do to get their fix.

edited to add- look how manipulative he behaved when yountried to end it by self harmimg

Edited

I was manipulating him too by threatening that I would leave if he didn't stop.

OP posts:
neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:55

fashionqueen0123 · 14/05/2026 21:54

And they blamed you!???

Yep, still do.

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · 14/05/2026 21:55

She might not even be nosey. I future posting every day, the algorithm will pick it up if she’s looked at it before. So if she looks through her stories each day, she’ll see yours. No idea why you’re making it a big deal.

fashionqueen0123 · 14/05/2026 21:54

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:52

No, according to him (and his personal diaries), his dad used to deal in the 80s and 90s and I think they all still 'party' so to speak. His friends' fathers also used to held drug parties during our relationship but I wasn't invited.

I don't think his family were actual full-blown addicts and they used in moderation as they were able to hold down long-term careers.

Edited

And they blamed you!???

BluebellsRoses · 14/05/2026 21:54

I just wanted to say that you sound like a really kind person OP. ,💐

And I think you should ignore the narrow-minded posters who feel like they should judge you for how often you post on social media. Their comments makes them look bad - cringe. 😆

Vivisays · 14/05/2026 21:52

I’d block her, tighten your social media security & leave them all behind you. It’s like a nosey neighbour poking their head through your net curtains.

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:52

DeedlessIndeed · 14/05/2026 21:50

Did they think you introduced him to the drugs?
If he was hiding it so well to begin with and your relationship coincided with him becoming more visibly addicted.

Either way, let sleeping dogs lie. Don't stir up anything else because no-one will thank you for it. If she really wants to talk to you, she will reach out.

No, according to him (and his personal diaries), his dad used to deal in the 80s and 90s and I think they all still 'party' so to speak. His friends' fathers also used to held drug parties during our relationship but I wasn't invited.

I don't think his family were actual full-blown addicts and they used in moderation as they were able to hold down long-term careers.

OP posts:
ThornsInACheapBouquet · 14/05/2026 21:51

Comparing a man staying with his wife when she ate cake and got fat with you staying with an addict is totally unreasonable. A few stone weight nowhere near the behaviours of a drug addict and what they will do to get their fix.

edited to add- look how manipulative he behaved when yountried to end it by self harmimg

MasterOfOne · 14/05/2026 21:51

YABU to message her
YABU to not block her

3 years on... do you like the drama? If not, cut the flying monkeys off.