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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

207 replies

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:00

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 19/05/2026 23:26

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 14:08

That mumsnetter was telling the truth. I tested the theory by releasing messages from a suspected participant and she found the post overnight along with a flurry of DPs mates. They are monitoring my socials and talking still.

You realise that doesn’t prove that the mumsnetter was telling the truth? You posted controversial stuff on your story to draw attention, knowing the person you mentioned in your OP was watching, and they obviously mentioned it to a few people. That mumsnetter could be any old shit stirrer having fun with you

TheJoySpreader · 19/05/2026 23:23

Can i just make sure we're all all still here?

Laura95167 · 19/05/2026 21:54

neveraskingtime · 14/05/2026 21:07

Idk to me it seems like she's the one trying to initiate something but is apprehensive possibly because of how his friends and family might react if they found out. Probably doesn't want to be cast out of her own community.

Edited

Why would you think shes initiating anything? She hasnt added you or messaged. She might not even know you check viewers. Id ignore her or block her

Ilovelifeverymuch · 19/05/2026 21:48

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 14:08

That mumsnetter was telling the truth. I tested the theory by releasing messages from a suspected participant and she found the post overnight along with a flurry of DPs mates. They are monitoring my socials and talking still.

I find it weird that they have spent 3 whole years keeping track of your Instagram stories so they can continue to chat ang gossip about you on a group chat especially when you say you only post mundane things, so what exactly are they talking about for 3 years?

These are you own words: "The most mundane room temperature meme shitposts imaginable and occasionally a homemade organic dish. I don't normally write anything or express an opinion on anything"

So what gossip exactly do they have to talk about that they have been at it for 3 years?

Either way you've decided what you want to do so as I said in my last post there's really no need to spend time and energy explaining yourself or arguing back on forth on mumsnet.

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 14:08

Dweetfidilove · 19/05/2026 14:06

Did the random user verify in any way that there is in fact a group chat related to your IG posts?
Any MN shitstirrer could type that there is a group chat, but I'm sure you'd at least confirm they are who they say they are, and not just run away with yourself on IG.

That mumsnetter was telling the truth. I tested the theory by releasing messages from a suspected participant and she found the post overnight along with a flurry of DPs mates. They are monitoring my socials and talking still.

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Dweetfidilove · 19/05/2026 14:06

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 13:03

sure did. And I regret nothing. How big must this group chat about me be if a random user from mums net was added to it 😂

Did the random user verify in any way that there is in fact a group chat related to your IG posts?
Any MN shitstirrer could type that there is a group chat, but I'm sure you'd at least confirm they are who they say they are, and not just run away with yourself on IG.

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 13:03

Dweetfidilove · 17/05/2026 23:09

This escalated rather quickly 😳.

sure did. And I regret nothing. How big must this group chat about me be if a random user from mums net was added to it 😂

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Dweetfidilove · 17/05/2026 23:09

This escalated rather quickly 😳.

tulipseason12 · 16/05/2026 00:38

i watch everyones stories on instagram its usually because i just scroll through and tap from one to next. 99.9% of stories dont interest me unless its my best friend or my daughter etc its just a boredom habit

CodeAmber · 16/05/2026 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 23:58

Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/05/2026 21:11

"SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · Yesterday 22:44

Oh christ I know who you are. No don’t speak to them block immediately they speak about you on a group chat."

This is the post she is referring to that she's gone all attack mode. Some random person on mumsnet told her there's a group chat about her and now she's going to show them by posting everything.

@neveraskingtime I have absolutely no idea what you think that will accomplish or why you think they will stop gossiping about you if they have been gossiping for 3 years. How much juicy gossip is there about you that the group chat is going strong for 3 years?

Having said that you're an adult so you can do what you want, there's no point going back and forth with strangers on mumsnet. I hope you find closure and can move on from these toxic set of people and heal from the trauma of losing your partner, dealing with all the pain that comes with loving a drug addict and then being wrongly accused of his death. That's a lot of trauma and I do how you are able to find help and peace.

Edited

All I have done is leak actual documents of black and white facts from the inquest that establish that I did NOT murder my own boyfriend.

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Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/05/2026 21:11

PoppinjayPolly · 15/05/2026 19:58

How on earth do you know that they have a current group chat, still centred on you?

"SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · Yesterday 22:44

Oh christ I know who you are. No don’t speak to them block immediately they speak about you on a group chat."

This is the post she is referring to that she's gone all attack mode. Some random person on mumsnet told her there's a group chat about her and now she's going to show them by posting everything.

@neveraskingtime I have absolutely no idea what you think that will accomplish or why you think they will stop gossiping about you if they have been gossiping for 3 years. How much juicy gossip is there about you that the group chat is going strong for 3 years?

Having said that you're an adult so you can do what you want, there's no point going back and forth with strangers on mumsnet. I hope you find closure and can move on from these toxic set of people and heal from the trauma of losing your partner, dealing with all the pain that comes with loving a drug addict and then being wrongly accused of his death. That's a lot of trauma and I do how you are able to find help and peace.

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 20:05

PoppinjayPolly · 15/05/2026 19:58

How on earth do you know that they have a current group chat, still centred on you?

Someone on mums net told me she knows who I am from the details and she knows they have a group chat about me. Also confirmed by all these people ive never heard of swarming to my instagram.

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PoppinjayPolly · 15/05/2026 19:58

How on earth do you know that they have a current group chat, still centred on you?

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 19:52

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 19:51

What happened to ‘I really don’t mind people gossiping about me’?

I don't, like I said. But I am going to confront them with the truth. So now at least their gossip will be forcibly accurate.

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 19:51

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 19:49

I haven't contacted them in any way, they are the ones with a group chat about me 3 years after his death for crying out loud. I am releasing the witness statements from the inquest because fuck if I'm gonna be called a murderer and abuser for that 3 years after the fact. They can shove the cold hard facts up their group chat.

What happened to ‘I really don’t mind people gossiping about me’?

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 19:51

The MNer here who told me they have a group chat was right. Swarms of people I have never heard of are begging me to remove the photos of the nasty messages one of them sent me and accusing me of humiliating her. All I did was post her own words with zero added commentary or context.

Trying to appeal to my humanity and empathy. Where was the compassion and respect for my privacy and my dignity that you now boldly ask of me when you and your friends were calling my workplace, blaming me for his death, showing up at my house, circulating vicious conspiracies, mocking me for crying at the funeral and calling me from 10 numbers?

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neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 19:49

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 17:38

Why though? Why not just leave them in peace rather than seeking further upset and attention?

I haven't contacted them in any way, they are the ones with a group chat about me 3 years after his death for crying out loud. I am releasing the witness statements from the inquest because fuck if I'm gonna be called a murderer and abuser for that 3 years after the fact. They can shove the cold hard facts up their group chat.

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Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 15/05/2026 19:47

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 17:18

I'm, not angry. I am just sick of this and I am gonna post every horrible message I have received blaming me for his death .

But, you’re not angry.

walk away with dignity OP. Don’t stoop to this ridiculously low level

PoppinjayPolly · 15/05/2026 19:45

Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/05/2026 18:46

Cease and desist what? Gossiping about her on a group chat that she isn't a part of or desist from the person viewing her Instagram stories?

She can easily block the person from viewing her stories but chooses not to. Heck she started this thread asking if she should reach out to the lady.

This, how can they be “ceased and desisted” from viewing a public item??

Ilovelifeverymuch · 15/05/2026 18:46

Itsanewdawnitsanewdayitsanewlife4me · 15/05/2026 17:44

OR

They could leave her in peace? I can't imagine how awful it is being accused of causing the death of another person when I am totally innocent. It is abuse from them to the OP. I am not sure how I would go about it myself but she can't let people ruin her character in this way.

OP have you tried talking to a solicitor about cease and desist letters? Sorry if you said already and I missed it.

Cease and desist what? Gossiping about her on a group chat that she isn't a part of or desist from the person viewing her Instagram stories?

She can easily block the person from viewing her stories but chooses not to. Heck she started this thread asking if she should reach out to the lady.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 17:46

Itsanewdawnitsanewdayitsanewlife4me · 15/05/2026 17:44

OR

They could leave her in peace? I can't imagine how awful it is being accused of causing the death of another person when I am totally innocent. It is abuse from them to the OP. I am not sure how I would go about it myself but she can't let people ruin her character in this way.

OP have you tried talking to a solicitor about cease and desist letters? Sorry if you said already and I missed it.

Maybe I’ve managed to miss it… what are they doing to her? Other than one person viewing a public story (and then several when she deliberately posted inflammatory stuff last night). I honestly can’t see where she’s said they are communicating with her

Itsanewdawnitsanewdayitsanewlife4me · 15/05/2026 17:44

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 17:38

Why though? Why not just leave them in peace rather than seeking further upset and attention?

OR

They could leave her in peace? I can't imagine how awful it is being accused of causing the death of another person when I am totally innocent. It is abuse from them to the OP. I am not sure how I would go about it myself but she can't let people ruin her character in this way.

OP have you tried talking to a solicitor about cease and desist letters? Sorry if you said already and I missed it.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 17:38

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 17:18

I'm, not angry. I am just sick of this and I am gonna post every horrible message I have received blaming me for his death .

Why though? Why not just leave them in peace rather than seeking further upset and attention?

neveraskingtime · 15/05/2026 17:18

Ilovelurchers · 15/05/2026 16:53

Lovely, I am not sure this thread is doing you much good.

I understand you carry a lot of anger towards your DP's parents, and probably want revenge - who wouldn't? It's a human emotion.

But at the end of the day, we are all born alone and die alone, and the person you owe the most love and care to, is yourself. You are the only one who is always with you, whatever happens. You are the only one who will never not be in your corner.

So do future you a favour, please think carefully now about what will be best for you at this point. Yes, you are angry beyond belief - who wouldn't be - and you want revenge.

But will getting further enmeshed with these disgusting excuses for human beings, actually help future you to heal and be happy in the future?

It's trite but true - sometimes the very best revenge is your own peace and happiness.

Wishing you well, from the bottom of my heart. X

I'm, not angry. I am just sick of this and I am gonna post every horrible message I have received blaming me for his death .

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