Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

Church weddings in the UK are not private. Church baptisms are not either, although they can be held outside of regular services and not necessarily publicised. I have attended both weddings and baptisms of people I know but was not invited to.

But - a very big but, I had no axe to grind with the people concerned and went along as an ordinary member of the congregation to support the main participants and to wish them well. Had I some problem with the people concerned, I would have stayed well away. Does that help @EWAB?

I love this.

People so often are upset they don't have a village, but are completely unwilling to cultivate said village.

I'm an atheist, but I do sometimes wish I had a religion so I had a ready-made circle of support, even if they weren't all my friends.

I have to say - this thread is Peak Mumsnet - with all the fuss about massive Insta weddings etc you get on here - it's almost comical to read about the ignorance, nastiness and lack of knowledge about those pretty buildings people choose to get married in.

What -😂 you mean, they have some other purpose too??

I mean someone where perhaps the stepchild has not been invited to a wedding so some people advise that anyone can go to a church or someone’s partner has been invited but they haven’t so again on here people saying just turn up at the church.

If you wanted to discuss this particularly specific situation, you really needed to have put it in the title and OP.
Obviously that is quite niche and specific, not a general question about the very normal practice of going along to watch two people you have known for many years get married.
People are only ever going to answer information from the opening post on MN threads, I'm afraid.

Really - go and educate yourself.

You (or your relations) have arrogantly used a religious building for hyprocritical purposes, with no understanding either of the role and purpose of the building or the meaning of the religious rite you have CHOSEN to put their child forward for.

Presumably everyone, parents and godparents, all stood there lying about the commitments and promises they were making and scowling at the actual church members who were probably feeling celebratory to see a child (as they thought) being inducted into their church.

Who's the baddy here? Not the churchgoers!

And again, I'll out myself as a non-believer, but I have respect for believers and church communities and I wouldn't go through a solemn religious rite frivolously or fro some nefarious purpose.

I wouldn't bother, while attending the church is allowed there would be no point as you still wouldn't be able to attend the meal/after event.

But many of us realise that the actual ceremony is the most important part of the day. "there would be no point as you still wouldn't be able to attend the meal/after event." is such a bizarre way to think.

At my church baptisms usually follow directly on from the main service and the congregation can (and often do) remain. The whole point is that you're welcoming someone into the church family, seems odd to have it as a private event. Obviously, you wouldn't expect to be invited on to the reception etc.

Weddings are different, they're usually separate events entirely. In theory I guess the congregation could go, but I don't think anyone does.

I certainly wouldn't turn up at another church though, or use it as an excuse to turn up where I clearly wasn't wanted.

I think that it's weird to have a 'private' christening service in a church. The whole event and the words of the service are a public welcome of a brand new person into the community of the church. The wonderful moment when the whole congregation responds and renouces "the devil and all his works!"

I think it would be very awkward to be seen at the church if one had received just an evening invitation. Sort of like: if anyone’s cancelled for the wedding breakfast then you-hoo, here I am. Somewhat humiliating too as people might say ‘where’s X, I saw her at the church but she’s not here for the meal?’ ‘No, she wasn’t invited’.

It's not awkward at all @rightoguvnor
It was very common / usual in the 1980s and 1990s.
Also very common for people who are members of Churches - it is really, really normal to say 'everyone welcome at the Church service'.
No humiliation at all - you'd just answer 'She's coming tonight'.
Invitations to evening parties would often include information about the time and place of the actual ceremony, as many of us believe that the service is actually the most important part of the day.

Although I love that people who don't have a faith no longer use Churches just for the pretty backdrop, and that people can choose to arrange weddings wherever they want and do them in less traditional ways, I do find it sad that I've not been able to go to some of the wedding ceremony of some of my dcs' friends, who I have watched grow up and would love to have watched them get married, but of course, as they have had 'wedding venue' weddings, only people going to the meal are really expected to go. I think something has been lost from the Community side of it.

Exactly this. The people who usually do it are known to the couple but not necessarily close enough to be invited. When I got married a few of my Mum’s friends came who she knew through her hobbies. It was sweet, I didn’t mind. I didn’t have to spend £100 a head on them at the reception but they wanted to see my dress / bridesmaids etc.

The primary purpose of the banns is so that anyone who knows of a 'lawful impediment' can object - it's to stop incest, bigamy, coercion etc. That is why the banns also have to be read in each party's home parish as well as the one where they will marry, if they are different.

I think if you are a Christian and are a member of the congregation who knows the bride or groom, it is fine and quite usual to turn up. Very often, especially if the Bride or Groom is getting married in their Mother Church, they or the Vicar will extend the invite to the Congregation which is lovely. I love a full Church! Half empty churches with whispered hymns always feel a bit sad to me.

Most royal weddings take place in 'royal peculiars', which are not parish churches and are under the direct jurisdiction of the monarch - Westminster Abbey, St George's Chapel at Windsor, etc.

This issue did briefly surface at the time of Pippa Middleton's wedding, as she was married in a parish church which was technically a public event. They got around it because the church is on private land: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/apr/24/pippa-middleton-wedding-anglican-church

There was a church in the area I used to live in, I’m not religious but it was a very pretty church in a nice area. There was a small balcony that was at the back that you could enter from the porch/foyer, so you could sneak in for a peek without disturbing the congregation. I popped in a few times to check out the wedding dress and general style after a wedding had started. I don’t think anyone ever noticed. It was a lovely bit of people watching. I never stayed more than 5/10 mins.

I often wonder why vicars agree to this. It goes against the whole point of baptism and means they have to do another service on an already busy day.

But still not private, part of the purpose of the christening is to welcome the child into the Church

Not weird at all, it’s welcoming your niece into the church (and it wasn’t a private event). Sounds like the congregation had a better argument to be there than you really, unless you were part of the wider Church

Just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean you should or that it’s a good idea. There’s nothing to stop me booking a table for one at the same romantic restaurant where my best friend is having a date and waving over at them all night, but it would be a bit bonkers.

I've watched my spouse's family's funeral services online. I'm assuming anyone who wanted to do so can.

They are not always part of a normal service at all. My Daughter and Sons were Christened at 14:00 on a Sunday years apart.

I am ethnically Indian. It is strange to explain but people often pitch up at our weddings at random. Invites are sent, but this will not stop aunties and uncles from pitching up. Which is why we always do buffets with masses of food. Weddings can often be lovely, but utter chaos. No such thing as a child free wedding. Everyone dressed up in their utter finery.

At DH’s grandfather’s funeral, a whole other family turned up. As in, grandpa had had another woman on the side, with a load of kids, and nobody had an inkling about them until the funeral.

The church was packed for my father's funeral mass. It was the normal mas the local Catholic school attended every week.

No, but many of us are lucky enough to be part of Communities that do still care for one another.
Oh, and not just in villages. I live in a big City and this kind of support is very common amongst people I know.

Move over England, Ireland has entered the chat 😎