Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

We spotted a slightly weird elderly-ish/late middle-agedcouple at my FIL's funeral in a rural church. We didn't recognise them but thought they might be some of his many, many contacts across the region through his local politics and charitable work.

Another of his friends recognised the couple and politely sent them packing when we were leaving the church for the reception back at the house. Apparently they are regulars at funerals and wakes of people they don't know.

Jesus. It’s not 1940s Britain anymore.

Absolutely not. It’s very undignified.
If a person had specifically left someone off the invitation list they have their reasons so the person turning up uninvited is embarrassing themselves.
Someone I used to work with had a saying “well if I’m not invited, I shan’t be going” 😂

I was worried about family members I didn't want anywhere near me (for good reason) coming to my DC's christenings, just to prove that I couldn't stop them, but it didn't happen. Not sure if that was because even they realised it would be unacceptable or just that it would have been too much effort.

We did have a couple of people (family of our friend who was a Godmother) come along to the church though. Since they'd travelled quite a long way to be there I felt obliged to invite them along to the get together afterwards which annoyed my parents as I'd not invited everyone they wanted to invite (every member of the family, all their friends, their neighbours etc- you get the picture). If my family had been more normal it wouldn't have bothered me at all as the uninvited guests made it clear they were not expecting to come to the gathering, just wanted to see their family member with her Godchild. My DM did a very loud stage whisper to DF of 'I hadn't realised we could just tell people to just come if they felt like it'. My family are weird.

While we were waiting in the waiting room for a funeral, a man came along and asked whose funeral it was. He was a member of the church it was being held at. The family friend whose funeral it was was a member of the church and would have been delighted he came.

I actually didn’t know this was a thing. I’ll put it on my “hobbies to try” list.

My parents do this fairly regularly when they're invited to the evening do, but not the reception or even when they are friends of the parents or it's someone they know from their church but haven't been invited at all. A church is a public space and as long as you are discreet and sit near the back there's no issue doing it at all. Most people that are church regulars will understand this, and if you are not a regular why should you be allowed to exclude those who are from their space? If you want exclusivity then book a hotel.

<side-eyes>
Do you live in a village or a small town?
Because if you do, you'll learn that 'Community' is a kind of glue. It gets old people lifts to the Horticultural Society when they can no longer drive, and compels people who'd prefer a quiet life to take responsibility and go on the cricket club committee, and ensures that if a single mother breaks her leg and is laid up during her child's GCSEs, someone brings a hot dinner round every evening during the crucial week.

So the very old can still participate, and the cricket club continues to function, and the child passes her GCSEs...

It’s pretty common across the country.

The congregation thinking they’re something special and deserve to be at private family events (whether a wedding or christening) is really fucking weird. Why would you even want to go to an event for someone you don’t know?

At my wedding we had loads of customers from my parents pub turn up at the church to see us get married - it was lovely! A lot were invited to the evening do anyway, but I had no issue with them coming to see us get married.

I haven’t been in a position where I haven’t been invited to a friends wedding that I would want to go to, but I think if I were, and they were getting married in a church, I’d ask them if they minded me coming to the church to see them get married as i understood they couldn’t invite everyone to the wedding breakfast due to numbers and cost. I couldn’t imagine a friend saying no to that, but if they did I would respect it.

Whose church do you think it is?

That would be very common in France too. People gather outside the Church or town hall to see the bride or groom arriving. Is this not what being part of a community is?

At the family church we grew up going to (Home Counties, catholic), elderly parishioners would often pop into the back of weddings. I always thought it was rather nice that they cared!

I am not a church goer now - but if someone regularly attends a church I can’t see a problem with them attending the service!

Of course its the congregations business. Part of a child being christened is about them becoming a part of that church. The congregation have a part of the service where they acknowledge this child as part of the church family. How dare a family essentially lie to the church and congregation just so little jonny can go to a different school. That is way worse than turning up at a wedding / christening.

It's not whose? The church is the congregations.

A church christening is not private. It is normal for some of the congregation to attend to support the family and welcome the child to the church.

I attended a wedding in Italy in an outside courtyard area of a church - a popular tourist spot. The church didn't close to visitors and there were around 20 or so milling around the edges of the ceremony watching and taking pictures!

If it is in a church then it is not totally a private event. Members of a church are entitled to see new members of the church joining.

I am an atheist and do not belong to a church.

Yes love a wedding, very popular to do in rural Norfolk.

When I was at primary school, the church warden would tell me and my friend when there was a wedding so we could sit outside to watch. We wouldn't have gone in.

Those pesky Christians wanting to celebrate and mark the occasion of welcoming others into their faith. What on earth are they thinking?

Several of my cousin's other side family (so their great aunts that im not related to) came to my wedding to wish us well etc, it was lovely seeing them all at the back. A few of long deceased GD's friends too

It’s pretty common for the parishioners to stay or come along to a wedding, baptism, or funeral service, particularly if the recipient of the sacrament is a member of the church. My sister in law is an active member of her church - plays the organ - volunteers for church activities, etc. and she had a huge turnout of neighbours, the choir, and friends of the church.

After the service she had everyone come over to the church hall next door and served homemade sausage rolls and shortbread with tea and coffee for about an hour before heading off to her reception. It was actually really lovely, and the photographer took some great pictures of everyone celebrating.

I’ve certainly heard of people attending funeral services, in the hope of being able to blag a free glass of something/cup of tea/a sandwich/sausage roll or two, at the wake!

It’s not theirs 😂