Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

I don’t know the law that relates to church weddings, but this is for a private venue.

You also need to make sure that the proceedings:

• only take place in the specified area
• do not have any religious content (for example music or readings)
• are freely open to the public

https://www.gov.uk/find-licences/approval-of-premises-for-civil-marriage-or-civil-partnership

My BIL, who was dh’s best man, wore his Coldstream Guards uniform for the wedding, and when we were taking pictures outside the church afterwards, some passing tourists spotted him, stopped their car, and came to take photos of him! It is one of my many happy memories of the day.

Why are you asking @EWAB ?

Gosh, you seem quite angry about this. It's odd to be so disgruntled by the congregation of a church attending an event taking place specifically to welcome a child to the family of that church. I wonder if maybe you should be more concerned as to why a family are holding an event, in a church, to baptise the child into that church, if they "never have, never will" attend the church?

My son was a choir boy. He used to have to wait in the church entrance and give the nod when the bride was ready to go down the aisle. Once at a wedding the brides family wanted the church locked because they were worried the grooms family would turn up. The vicar refused as its a public event. They did turn up and the bride was in tears, my son, aged about 10 at the time was sent to get help.

When I was young, neighbours and non-invitees might gather outside the bride’s home to watch her leave for the church. Some might go to the church just to see her wed (I say her because it was usual then for the marriage to take place in the bride’s parish so locals might not even know the groom), or perhaps to wait outside to see the couple leave. But these would be people who had had no expectation of being invited to take part in any of the day’s events.
I think it would be very awkward to be seen at the church if one had received just an evening invitation. Sort of like: if anyone’s cancelled for the wedding breakfast then you-hoo, here I am. Somewhat humiliating too as people might say ‘where’s X, I saw her at the church but she’s not here for the meal?’ ‘No, she wasn’t invited’.
For a funeral, there are always a few who just turn up for the service, give their respects and disappear. But if there are perhaps fsmily complications and someone has been asked to stay away in order to keep the peace, then it is respectful to do that.

"... Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.
We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages..."

I did not know this.

Can you perhaps identify the law to which you are referring and which "Everybody knows..."?

It’s completely normal in my village for local churchgoers to attend weddings and christenings of people they don’t actually know.

Nobody would bat an eyelid.

However, I think that’s possibly not what OP meant? Are you asking if people would turn up to a wedding they had been pointedly and deliberately excluded from? I think that is different.

There is no way you can exclude children from a wedding service in England as far as I know. Anyone who wants to attend can bring their DC along.

Maybe they should introduce an opportunity to raise objections in Christenings too.

More bizarre to be christened and then never go to that church again. What was the point?

Yes, but usually in these cases, the problem is about who turns up to the reception because the bride&groom know that anyone can come to the church. I presume it's more about controlling how many people they have to feed.

This was why King Charles and Camilla got married at Windsor registry office - the original plan was a private ceremony at Windsor Castle but then they realised they would have to allow it to be regularly open to the public for weddings.

If you had been specifically told you were not welcome, rather than not being specifically invited then no. If they just didn't want a huge number at the reception afterwards and didn't send formal invites to those not going to the reception why not go to the church? Often neighbours or the parents neighbours, extended family and friends used to go, I guess going to church generally was more common then as well. A marriage was meant to be a public commitment in front of God and whole communities would attend to see it happen.

My in-laws' neighbours came to the church at our wedding as they vaguely knew us and also grew flowers to match the wedding colours along the little road outside their house leading up to in-laws' place where we had drinks and canapés after the ceremony. They also helped serve the drinks and food - so we had a high court judge serving canapes 😆It was very much a community affair and so lovely of them to help their friends and neighbours.

So what? The poster is still correct that christenings often/usually happen during the normal service.

And once again, just because it is at a different time does not make it private. You cannot prevent anyone attending a service in a parish church.

And, frankly, I think vicars ought not to do christenings in this way at all. It makes a mockery of a service which is precisely about welcoming someone into the church, to do it without most of the church present.

What's bizarre is having a Christening at all in those circumsrances. I'll put money on you having misunderstood and in fact it being part of a regualr setvice, as they always are.

We have a licensed wedding venue in the family. The public has to be given access. Signs have to be put up to direct people to where the ceremony is taking place. Like I said, it is a condition of the licence.

You don’t need to provide chairs for them to sit on.

Yes, I've done it.
I was taken to a wedding of some very distant relative by my dgm as a small child so she could show me what a bridesmaid does. We sat in the gallery.

When I was an adult bridesmaid some local women who were at school with the bride and me came out to see her go into the church. They were of course invited to come in. I can't remember how many of them did.

All of my children were Christened at a private church service on a Sunday afternoon.

At those anyone turning up wishing to object would have to be given access to the registrar or celebrant to make their objection.

You sound angry - maybe don't invest too much energy & emotion in this thread?

When my three sisters and I were bridesmaids for my Aunt (mum's sister) my paternal grandmother came to the church service and just sat in the backrow as she wanted to see us dressed as bridesmaids.

It was no fuss or drama, and seemed perfectly normal. She congratulated the couple and left right after.

I’ve been to three weddings that I’ve not been an official guest at. Two that I declined out of politeness (my estranged violent brother would absolutely have caused a problem at) and one that I wasn’t invited to for the same reason.
the church was here I grew up is one where you can easily slip in and sit at the back and then leave unnoticed. Meant I saw my nieces/nephew get married but with none of the hassle of my brother.

It’s also very common in our village for locals to go to weddings. Sometimes it’ll even be mentioned in groups at the church (toddlers, knit and natter etc) that there’s a wedding in a specific date and that tends to be when a couple are worried the church might feel mega empty if they’re got a small family (or in one recent case no family attending).
It has an amusing effect in that several of MILs friends are very very au fait in what is the current trend of bridesmaids dresses/wedding party size/children attending or not 😂 A couple of people I know planning weddings have asked them a few questions 😂

I don’t know how that would work with registry office weddings (or indeed at private venues). There is usually a capacity limit. We had to stand outside at one registry office wedding we were invited to because there was a capacity limit of 30 and we were not immediate family.