Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

Baptisms and Christenings are a welcoming of the child into the church, so for other members of the congregation to be there shouldn't be unusual. Weddings are meant to be celebrations of the uniting of two people who are part of the church so again shouldn't be shocked by it. Funerals is a celebration of life and the onward journey or a church member - again shouldn't be a surprise if the congregation there.

Just before lock down my Mum passed away her funeral was a full on catholic job, we invited anyone for tea and coffee afterwards in the church hall afterwards The Church itself which wasn't a small one was absolutely full to the rafters and we were so appreciative even if we had to stand outside thanking everyone afterwards, we then moved onto the Crem which was invite only and back for the main function to the church hall again invite only.

My daughters baptism was part of a Sunday service which is pretty common for catholics.

Baptisms are sometimes held privately when there is a medical problem relating to the baby or, occasionally to the mother. If the baby lives then there is often a receving into the Church at a later date. I was such a baby.

I remember as a child in Scotland that loads of people would come to stand outside the church when the bride arrived and also when the couple left. When they left there would usually be a "scramble" when someone from the wedding party would throw a handful of coins and the children would all try to get some.

My late DM was a regular churchgoer (as was I, although I'm now a different denomination) and always used to say you could tell which parents were regulars in church or not, depending on whether they called it a Christening or a baptism.😂

Quite common in some communities. My Mum came along to the church service when my best friend from school got married in our local church. The church capacity is very rarely the limiting factor in wedding party numbers. I’ve been to other weddings where family friends have done the same.

I can’t imagine travelling any great distance just to watch a ceremony myself though.

As York Minster isn't a parish church, I would imagine they had a Special Marriage Licence.

There is a set of rules for weddings in parish churches - for instance, if you live in the parish and the wedding you're planning is permitted in the Church of England, you have a right to get married there. If you want to get married anywhere else that is a C of E place of worship and is not your parish church or your future spouse's parish church, you actually need permission from the vicar of your parish church. To have a wedding that's not open to all members of the public in a C of E place of worship, you need a Special Marriage Licence.

(This information isn't complete because if I went into all the detail - even if I knew all the detail - it would be very boring.)

Yes, people came to my mum's wedding who weren't invited to the reception, acquaintances like neighbours or work colleagues - she said it was pretty normal to do that and she would have done the same for them if they were getting married.

My friend had a problem with 'professional funeral attendees' though at the club she works at. They often host wakes and you get the same groups of people who attend every funeral and help themselves to the buffet/free bar!!!!

Well what on earth was the point in having the child baptised if they don’t normally bother with the church. It really pisses me off that these people want to use the church for weddings and baptisms just for show.

I would if it was a friend or neighbour and was village church. Just to see them get married. Then I would leave. In fact I would prefer to just see them married and go home for any wedding! The rest of the day especially far from home are boring as fuck.
If you don’t want the general public being able to attend, book a hotel etc. Not the local church.
I can remember having to attend church for my wedding bands being read out. I attended 3 christenings of people who I didn’t know. I thought was lovely as the church was full.

So are you saying the bit in the church is pointless ?

Weddings - unusual but absolutely fine.

Christenings/baptisms - expected. As others have said, it’s a public declaration of faith and the congregation commits to helping the family to bring the child up in the faith. It’s rare now to have christenings as separate services (DH is a vicar and he refuses to do them) both because the whole point is welcoming the child into the church community and also because he is already doing two or three services on any given Sunday so it’s too much to do another separate one. I’m glad our local school doesn’t require attendance/baptism as that seems to bring out so many people who are willing to lie their way through the process just to “get it done”. It’s very demoralising for the vicar.

Yes I remember that too. Especially if it was someone in the congregation getting married. I always used to like sitting in the balcony.

I remember walking down the aisle and thinking, "Who are you?" about a line of women sat at the back on the bride's side. Turned out to be coffee morning acquaintances of my mum. The more the merrier really. They were wishing us well. Maybe it used to be more of a thing - I remember going with my mum to see my ballet teacher married, and the daughter of a neighbour too.

If it had been a line of weeping or vengeful exes, for example, it would be different!

A few people turned up to my wedding that weren’t invited. I thought it was lovely. No one making a point, just old acquaintances and childhood friends who had heard on the grapevine and decided to pop in. People I hadn’t seen in years but no ill will. I was really touched they came.

Plus lots of regulars from the church who hadn’t been invited individually but were obviously included in a general invite.

Those who arrived uninvited to the reception were more of a challenge as had to find additional seats and meals last minute 😅 that was down to a miscommunication though.

OK, I have learnt something. The registry office would not allow people to stand.

I think if you are a regular church goer then it is not an odd thing. I remember my sister getting her wedding photos back and there was a smiling random old lady at the edge of the group photos.

Not weird at all. Presumably the congregation were regular churchgoers and a christening is to welcome the child into the church therefore, as Christians they came to welcome the child. I think like weddings, many people see baptisms as an excuse to dress up and have a party and the ceremony is nothing at all to do with any religious beliefs.

I mean when my daughters best friend gets married if she only has a small wedding I wouldn't expect an invitation... My daughter would, obviously. But I've known the friend since she was a toddler and know the family, so if they were marrying in a local church I'd probably send her mum a message and ask if it'd be OK if I come along to the church to give my good wishes to the bride?

Only if they're getting married in a normal parish church, which I imagine none of them do.

There are lots of Anglican places of worship where the public doesn't have access and can be prevented from attending without an invitation. To get married in one of those, rather than having your Banns read 3 times and an opportunity for any member of the public to object, you have to get your marriage licence from the Archbishop of Canterbury first. Presumably the AoC's office does some sort of check that there aren't any lawful reasons why you shouldn't be getting married.

Very common in Scottish weddings years ago - not sure about now. Usually people who knew the family but were not invited as guests. Same with funerals.

This ☝️ Really don't see what the problem is.

When we got married over 15 years ago a couple of my friend’s parents came to the church- which was lovely.

I've popped into a church wedding before, a siblings friend was getting married in the local church who I've known my whole life but wouldn't have made the cut for the whole wedding, they were very welcoming to people to pop along and see the ceremony at least as they couldn't afford to invite huge numbers to their full ceremony due to cost!

I'd never just turn up though unless it was a situation like this tho where I'd feel comfortable checking with the family etc that it was OK to come to the church, mainly just wanted to see the bride in her dress 😁

No, what is bizarre is for the parents to make promises that thay have no intention of keeping and to ask for their child to become part of the Church but then object when the Church shows up.

It is the same in any church, not just the UK. My sister had a few people from the village attending her ceremony. It was lovely.