Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

Had that of been my thoughts I'd have written it.

Pretty sure that's only true of C of E churches. But yes, I've heard older relatives say that in their day in working-class communities people weren't formally invited to a C of E church wedding, it was just sort of made generally known when it was happening and anyone who wanted came along; it was the reception that required invitations. Must have seemed a lot more normal in the days when most people were more integrated with their communities, more people went to church, and it was less common for working-class people to marry someone who hadn't grown up in the same area or to have their wedding a long way from home. A wedding was everybody's business.

If you are part of the congregation of the church normally, then I don't see why it would be a problem unless it's standing room only for the ceremony? I wouldn't do it, but then I'm not part of the church.

I attended a Christening fairly recently and there was a fair few people there who were clearly just regular church-goers.

As someone else said, part of having your wedding or christening at a church is because you're being welcomed into said church. So why would it be an issue?

It used to be very common in the village I'm from. People would just sit at the back of the church to see the ceremony and wish the happy couple well. I don't know why people think it's weird as churches are public buildings. It's not like walking into a private home.

When I got married loads of random people from my church turned up. I didn't mind, it was nice to see them!

We don't have christenings, we have baby blessings (done during Sunday services) and baptisms when children are eight, or adult baptisms which are also often done on a Sunday after church is finished. Families invite people, but the congregation usually stick around as well.

You clearly don't understand the function of a church or proper behaviour.

I think it would be incredibly selfish (or at best inconsiderate) to do that. It's someone's special day....let it it be the way they want.

This is really weird.

I have been to many weddings and funerals in Scotland, especially in rural areas, which are seen as community events. You might not have been invited to the reception or as a guest, but if the neighbour's daughter is getting married, or the son of a passing acquaintance, or you want to pay your respects to someone in the village, you just go to the church. It's no biggie, nobody is going to think it's weird at all. Christenings are generally part of the standard church services in Scotland so there is no "guest list".

I grew up in a reasonably small village and people turned up at mine, and they will also go to others simply to raise the singing voices in hymns, join in prayers and be there to celebrate the marriage. It’s not something I’d expect in a larger town simply because the community isn’t quite the same as an ‘everyone knows everyone’ setting, but we were happy to have people come along and perk up the singing! Nobody would dream of throwing confetti/getting involved beyond sitting at the back, but I think it’s quite nice!

Good for him! I wish more clergy would do this if they could.

God no unless I was an avid church -goer or planned to stand up and object! If I know them but they hadn’t invited me I would assume they don’t want me there so I don’t want them to be confused or for it to cause a scene. I don’t wear wedding-appropriate clothes on an average day so would have to get dressed up. If I was passing I might stop and watch random newlyweds coming out the church but definitely wouldn’t go in or join in

That's a bit different. E.g. baptisms at my church (quite high CofE but not Society i.e women priests are highly welcome and of the 4 there, 3 are women and so is the Deacon) are done in the main Sunday service which is a eucharist. It's nice. I wouldn't walk in on a private baptism or a wedding - funerals are slightly different as invitations are not usually made and anyone can attend (though I think you'd have been turned away from Westminster Abbey had you tried to gatecrash HMTLQ's funeral).

My brother got married at a cathedral so there were some random tourists at the back observing the service since they happend to be visiting the church at the time. When I was a child, at my grandmothers home village they would put wedding invites to newspapers and people would just show up if they like they were close to the couple. We have attended one or two of these ceremonies if it was a distant relative or family friends.

But no, I would not show up to any of these events if I was not invited.

I’ve only noticed this once, I think they were family of the bridesmaids who wanted to see them in their dresses.

I'm going to one on Saturday! A couple from our local church who I see and chat to most Sundays. I'm going to sit upstairs out of the way. I think there will be lots of us who do that.
I actually asked them if they would mind. They had never heard of the tradition but were touched we'd think to go.

I don't think it's weird at all

I avoid churches in general and for that reason I am also not official godmother to my goddaughters. I think the only time I would turn up for a church wedding would be to make a 'The Graduate' style declaration. That said I have singer's nodules, so I can't actually scream and shout... so it would be a bit of a damp squib of a rebellious act...

Years ago there was a Church of Scotland minister whose beautiful church sits in an area with spectacular scenery and he was constantly in demand to do weddings because of that. He could have had weddings every Saturday which would have taken up a lot of his time and taken him away from serving his parish properly so he took the decision that Saturday was his day off and he wouldn't do any Saturday weddings. The Church of Scotland doesn't charge for weddings so there were no financial consequences for the church but it stopped the church being used just because you got nice photos.

No I wouldn't as I would not be wanted there if not formally invited.

As a teenager I went to the church wedding of a person who worked at the same riding stables as me, she was older and sort of in charge. I wasn't invited but she gave me the biggest smile when she saw me as she walked down the aisle.

My co-worker wasn't invited to my wedding but she came to the church to see me get married

I took my DD to the church to see our hairdresser come out of the church.

I don't think there is anything wrong. Never expected an invite but just wanted to see them on the happiest day of their lives

I grew up in a community where this is normal till today.

So...you are one of those people who thinks churches are just pretty backdrops?

Or who 'get on their knees to avoid the fees' people?

Your choice to have those attitudes, but please don't try to make out that the actual churchgoers who were simply participating in what they (quite reasonably) thought was a lovely, inclusive religious service are the wrong'uns.

YOU are clearly the ones with the weird, skewed understanding of what a Christening actually is. Own it!

Not a wedding, but when I'm old and retired I fully intend to spend my days sitting in the public gallery at trials and watching all the ins and outs. Because I can and I find it interesting

With my knitting and flask of tea

You are the ignorant one here. It was a common custom once and churches and all services in churches are open to everyone. Are you a churchgoer? It doesn't sound as though you understand what a church is about. It's not about exclusivity.

And I speak as a non-believer, but I'm very aware of the cultural as well as the religious meaning of churches. They're not just private backdrops for Instagram. The 'total strangers' were probably parishioners - people whose church it actually was.

Did you then attend the church, following your nuptials, or was it just for Insta?

Our Church often has weddings of couples from other parts of the Benefice simply because our Church looks better on the social media photos, not having been 'modernised' like others! We don't mind, we get the fees and as the saying goes, Every little counts.

I used to work for a funeral director and it amazes me how many funeral notices in newspapers now include details of the wake. I always discouraged families from including that information in such a public way to prevent random people turning up for a free meal.