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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

357 replies

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 12:02

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

OP posts:
Neuronimo · 18/05/2026 12:15

@ CurdinHenry · I say this with kindness, I have to wonder why a person in their mid forties is so intent on lecturing people on a thread meant for women supporting each other through menopausal struggles with weight. This typically happen in their fifties. I am really glad that you are fit and well, but this thread isn't really about you and your judgement of others. I think that you might find that you are talking to yourself.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 18/05/2026 11:34

CurdinHenry · 18/05/2026 09:19

You need to redesign your life so it can be healthier and your teenagers aren't physically dependent. I live somewhere I can walk to work precisely so I don't become unhealthy.

Edited

sigh

EvieBB · 18/05/2026 10:11

Bikenutz · 18/05/2026 09:01

We are all different for sure. My post wasn’t at all intended to be a comment on what others do, just what worked for me.

I know :) x

CurdinHenry · 18/05/2026 09:19

britinnyc · 18/05/2026 01:50

I am laughing at the idea that it is easy to fit in 3 hours of walking a day! Not all of us have the luxury of being able to walk to work, my job is 30 miles away so I drive. I am up at 5, go to the gym for a hour then get ready for work and drive to the office. I try to walk for 30
mins at lunch but my schedule doesn’t always allow it, I work 9 hours in a demanding professional job and then get home about 7. I either have to drive my teens to activities or maybe I have some time to meal prep and then it’s time for bed. 3 hours a day is a luxury most of us don’t have and I consider myself pretty privileged because I have the time to go to the gym every day

You need to redesign your life so it can be healthier and your teenagers aren't physically dependent. I live somewhere I can walk to work precisely so I don't become unhealthy.

quirkychick · 18/05/2026 09:12

Bikenutz · 18/05/2026 09:01

We are all different for sure. My post wasn’t at all intended to be a comment on what others do, just what worked for me.

Same here, no judgement at all, just saying what worked for me. I think I do similar, but low carb-ish, depending on activity levels. Yesterday was pretty active, today will be less so, but I still try to get in some gentle exercise to help muscle recovery, walks and general movement.

Bikenutz · 18/05/2026 09:01

EvieBB · 18/05/2026 06:31

That's great and sounds v healthy and glad it's worked for you. I've eaten more protein and fibre (wholegrain version of all carbs) for years in a bid to help my CFS - which must have helped but I still (for some frustrating reason) have big appetite and tend to eat too much sugar. The CFS also means I don't always have the energy to exercise...although I would love to as I was always very sporty growing up and loved exercise (county High jump champion and on the athletics team and netball team at school). Sadly if I overdo it now I can feel like I've run a marathon (even if I haven't done that much by most people's standards) and it sets me back for days. I need to prioritise my energy so that I can be the best mum possible and continue going to work/earning. That's why it makes me really cross when people judge others for weight gain when they really don't know what's going on behind the scenes in people's lives (sorry that's not aimed at you)...just generally

We are all different for sure. My post wasn’t at all intended to be a comment on what others do, just what worked for me.

EvieBB · 18/05/2026 06:31

Bikenutz · 17/05/2026 21:03

I became overweight at 52. What helped lose the excess was making sure I did over 10,000 steps every day plus lifting heavy things and including more fibre and protein in my diet. This means not eating the usual things most people eat- everything is whole wheat versions, which I’m now used to and prefer.

That's great and sounds v healthy and glad it's worked for you. I've eaten more protein and fibre (wholegrain version of all carbs) for years in a bid to help my CFS - which must have helped but I still (for some frustrating reason) have big appetite and tend to eat too much sugar. The CFS also means I don't always have the energy to exercise...although I would love to as I was always very sporty growing up and loved exercise (county High jump champion and on the athletics team and netball team at school). Sadly if I overdo it now I can feel like I've run a marathon (even if I haven't done that much by most people's standards) and it sets me back for days. I need to prioritise my energy so that I can be the best mum possible and continue going to work/earning. That's why it makes me really cross when people judge others for weight gain when they really don't know what's going on behind the scenes in people's lives (sorry that's not aimed at you)...just generally

Flomingho · 18/05/2026 03:26

I feel your pain. The lack of periods makes me feel bloated constantly 😫 Also, bra size keeps increasing so I have to size up in tops. Eating less and still same amount of exercise. It's all very frustrating.

britinnyc · 18/05/2026 01:50

I am laughing at the idea that it is easy to fit in 3 hours of walking a day! Not all of us have the luxury of being able to walk to work, my job is 30 miles away so I drive. I am up at 5, go to the gym for a hour then get ready for work and drive to the office. I try to walk for 30
mins at lunch but my schedule doesn’t always allow it, I work 9 hours in a demanding professional job and then get home about 7. I either have to drive my teens to activities or maybe I have some time to meal prep and then it’s time for bed. 3 hours a day is a luxury most of us don’t have and I consider myself pretty privileged because I have the time to go to the gym every day

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 23:35

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 23:32

You might want to read my posts. For someone with such a nimble brain you see to have trouble taking in information.

And yeah, so you're talking about normal life. Not exercising for 3 hours a day.

*You might want to look up the definition of ambient.

I've just had a look at your other threads. You have bigger issues than people with a little menopausal weight gain. I'll leave you to it.

Hm you're the one trying to normalise midlife eating disorders

Yes I am talking about normal life - I do cardio for for an hour, I walk for about three, I do a bit more strength, I ate a three course dinner tonight and I feel good

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 23:32

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 22:27

How much of the day do you sit on your bum watching TV and wondering why you can't eat anything without getting fat??

Three hours in a weekday is ambient time. Walk before work half an hour, walk to the office half an hour walk around the office and to the shops at lunch 45 minutes walk to the gym 45 minutes walk home half an hour round trip to Lidl to get some stuff for dinner half an hour or walk to see friends at the pub one hour round trip or just a bit of fresh air half an hour

It is really depressing that you think this is unlikely

You might want to read my posts. For someone with such a nimble brain you see to have trouble taking in information.

And yeah, so you're talking about normal life. Not exercising for 3 hours a day.

*You might want to look up the definition of ambient.

I've just had a look at your other threads. You have bigger issues than people with a little menopausal weight gain. I'll leave you to it.

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 22:29

And lol at "keep my brain nimble" I'm pretty sure I manage ok

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 22:27

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 22:13

So, if you work, say eight hours a day, let's assume, being conservative, 30 mins on either end to either get somewhere or get set up, and you exercise for 3, that's 12 hours accounted for. If you sleep for eight, that leaves 4 hours in your day for showering, getting dressed, family, friends, cooking, eating, hobbies, reading, life admin, following the news, educating yourself, keeping your brain nimble? I call either BS or you have some serious issues.

Edited

How much of the day do you sit on your bum watching TV and wondering why you can't eat anything without getting fat??

Three hours in a weekday is ambient time. Walk before work half an hour, walk to the office half an hour walk around the office and to the shops at lunch 45 minutes walk to the gym 45 minutes walk home half an hour round trip to Lidl to get some stuff for dinner half an hour or walk to see friends at the pub one hour round trip or just a bit of fresh air half an hour

It is really depressing that you think this is unlikely

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 22:13

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 19:44

I work full time in a professional job and have a family yes

So, if you work, say eight hours a day, let's assume, being conservative, 30 mins on either end to either get somewhere or get set up, and you exercise for 3, that's 12 hours accounted for. If you sleep for eight, that leaves 4 hours in your day for showering, getting dressed, family, friends, cooking, eating, hobbies, reading, life admin, following the news, educating yourself, keeping your brain nimble? I call either BS or you have some serious issues.

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 21:07

DaffodilValley · 17/05/2026 21:06

Should I tuck my wheelchair under my arm while I’m watching TV from the cross trainer?

Not everyone can walk, run or find the time or energy to do huge amounts of exercise.

I did explicitly say some people can't for health or caring reasons. Most people could but choose to calorie restrict instead, which I find inexplicable.

Awfulinlaws · 17/05/2026 21:06

Sleep is so important. Easy to say though as that also goes out the window.

DaffodilValley · 17/05/2026 21:06

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 17:57

Most people have the time but choose to do other things instead (sitting in front of the TV really isn't something anyone should be doing - you can get a home cross trainer). Obviously having intense caring responsibilities or health issues get in the way but that's not an issue for most.

Should I tuck my wheelchair under my arm while I’m watching TV from the cross trainer?

Not everyone can walk, run or find the time or energy to do huge amounts of exercise.

Bikenutz · 17/05/2026 21:03

I became overweight at 52. What helped lose the excess was making sure I did over 10,000 steps every day plus lifting heavy things and including more fibre and protein in my diet. This means not eating the usual things most people eat- everything is whole wheat versions, which I’m now used to and prefer.

Awfulinlaws · 17/05/2026 20:50

Agree. Steroids compounded the difficulties. Getting it down slowly. Have seriously cut what I eat and being very careful to include healthy things.

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 19:44

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 18:39

Do you have a career or a family?

Also, maybe some people exercise to the point they think they need cosmetic surgery and have saggy faces, you know?

I work full time in a professional job and have a family yes

user464632168 · 17/05/2026 18:39

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 17:57

Most people have the time but choose to do other things instead (sitting in front of the TV really isn't something anyone should be doing - you can get a home cross trainer). Obviously having intense caring responsibilities or health issues get in the way but that's not an issue for most.

Do you have a career or a family?

Also, maybe some people exercise to the point they think they need cosmetic surgery and have saggy faces, you know?

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 17:58

It genuinely gets on my wick how much burden is put on the NHS by people who think walking is unfathomable

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 17:57

WithTwoGiantBoys · 17/05/2026 16:43

So how long does it take you to walk 15km? It sounds like you are lucky enough to be able to devote many hours a day to exercise which is not realistic for most people.

I think you might be starting to get it, 1300 calories a day is NOT tolerable, it's miserable. That is the whole point of this thread.

I mostly eat vegetables, protein and beans/lentils so my macros are good but I cannot entertain the thought of either dropping more calories or somehow finding the time and energy to add another couple of hours of exercise to each day around a full time job. I'm pretty sure you are just a wind up merchant but you have at least given me the chance to complain about how awful this all is.

Most people have the time but choose to do other things instead (sitting in front of the TV really isn't something anyone should be doing - you can get a home cross trainer). Obviously having intense caring responsibilities or health issues get in the way but that's not an issue for most.

caretoshare · 17/05/2026 16:47

joanofaardvark · 17/05/2026 16:32

‘Plenty of people eat only one meal a day.’ Really? I should teach my daughters that dropping one or two meals a day is fine?
i just don’t feel comfortable with the very obvious
“you guys are eating but I’m not. Again.”

You don't need to teach your daughters anything you don't want to. No doubt they will hear about people only eating once or twice a day sooner or later. It is impossible to keep them sheltered from everything.

My DC understand that they are growing and need more food than I do. I am not going to eat meals like they do otherwise I will put huge amounts of weight on. They see their grandparents eat tiny meals and are not scarred for life. They are going to be exposed to all sorts.

OP posts:
WithTwoGiantBoys · 17/05/2026 16:43

CurdinHenry · 17/05/2026 16:11

I do an hour of cardio every day and walk c.10-15km on top of that. I do strength training for 20 mins typically three days a week plus a couple of planks a day, although know it should be more on the strength side for long term muscle and bone health. I feel very cooped up if I can't manage this so it's not like I am forcing myself to exercise but I think it becomes a self perpetuating thing once you get into it.

1300 calories a day is not tolerable. Maybe it would help to add more fibre?

So how long does it take you to walk 15km? It sounds like you are lucky enough to be able to devote many hours a day to exercise which is not realistic for most people.

I think you might be starting to get it, 1300 calories a day is NOT tolerable, it's miserable. That is the whole point of this thread.

I mostly eat vegetables, protein and beans/lentils so my macros are good but I cannot entertain the thought of either dropping more calories or somehow finding the time and energy to add another couple of hours of exercise to each day around a full time job. I'm pretty sure you are just a wind up merchant but you have at least given me the chance to complain about how awful this all is.