Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

357 replies

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 12:02

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

OP posts:
caretoshare · 14/05/2026 17:11

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/05/2026 17:02

Maybe the evolutionary benefit is that we are squishy cuddly grandmas?
ummmm we are warmer so the yoof can sit nearer the fire?
people can eat us in times of need??

This made me laugh 😂

I don't want to be squishy or cuddly though!

OP posts:
JoanOgden · 14/05/2026 17:07

It's helpful for societies to have middle-aged women doing lots of work but requiring very little food.

Apparently the reproductive system uses quite a lot of calories, which is one of the reasons menopause reduces calorie needs.

Caaaaaake · 14/05/2026 17:05

I've gained half a stone this year.

Coincidentally, had my NHS health check today and everything was within normal range. But the nurse said I should book an appointment with the GP in case they want to do any tests because I'm reasonably active, have a reasonably good diet, haven't changed anything (except to cut back/eat more healthily), barely drink.

I just thought it was something I had to accept or starve myself (will most likely turn out that that is the case anyway!) but I will probably make an appointment now.

Even just 12-18 months ago, if I cut out cake and ate more salad, I would drop a few pounds pretty quickly. Somewhere between 44 and 45 everything just seems to have turned to fat - and all gathering round the middle.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/05/2026 17:02

Maybe the evolutionary benefit is that we are squishy cuddly grandmas?
ummmm we are warmer so the yoof can sit nearer the fire?
people can eat us in times of need??

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 17:01

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 16:57

This was never a thing until upfs and monetising every aspect of life.
The average person today needs nowhere near the 2k calories "recommended" as most are sedentary. By the same token, there is no requirement for "snacks" or anything else unnnatural.
However, if you do not know about basic human nutrition and think all your food comes pre-packed from a shop...

How does this fit in with menopause?

I do not snack or eat breakfast. 2 meals a day with only water or tea in between. 2k calories would make me gain fast!

OP posts:
caretoshare · 14/05/2026 16:59

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 14/05/2026 16:57

Given the weight gain is widespread in 40s and 50s, I’m wondering what evolutionary gain there is from it. If I could see that, I might start to accept the whole situation but as it is, I rail against it.

My whole leptin and ghrelin balance has gone.

I wondered this too. Also why does it affect women more than men? DH can still pretty much eat anything he wants and doesn't gain even though he has got older.

OP posts:
Jinxy1 · 14/05/2026 16:58

bumptybum · 14/05/2026 16:50

A cubed cm of muscle weighs more than a cubed cm of fat

it comes down to density, Muscle is less dense than fat so takes up less room, however a lb is still a lb that cannot change.

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 16:57

This was never a thing until upfs and monetising every aspect of life.
The average person today needs nowhere near the 2k calories "recommended" as most are sedentary. By the same token, there is no requirement for "snacks" or anything else unnnatural.
However, if you do not know about basic human nutrition and think all your food comes pre-packed from a shop...

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 14/05/2026 16:57

Given the weight gain is widespread in 40s and 50s, I’m wondering what evolutionary gain there is from it. If I could see that, I might start to accept the whole situation but as it is, I rail against it.

My whole leptin and ghrelin balance has gone.

VinoEsmeralda · 14/05/2026 16:54

I m fit and healthy but same as most people on here my shape has changed and weight crept on.

Ive just gone back to basics with 3 meals a day and a few snacks. No UPS or coffee and starting to enjoy the benefits, no more energy slumps after lunch ( did 16:8 before), better sleep, skin looks much better but the best but is no bloating and lost half a stone.

bumptybum · 14/05/2026 16:54

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:36

Wow, impressive! But what would happen if you allowed yourself a little bit of leeway? You're nowhere near overweight...

Because presumably she doesn’t want to be any bigger. Leeway would result in fat gain. She presumably is happy with the size she is.

is restricted eating fun? Nope. Is being fat fun? Nope. Some of us prefer the restrictions and eating, then we do being larger

I like not having to think about what I wear. When I’m the size I am, I can just pull on anything and I feel fine. I don’t have to think about it too much. When I’m larger, I’m constantly feeling that I don’t look great and what I’m wearing something that look good. One day looks rubbish the next day

I end up dressing to hide bits of my body instead of just putting on whatever it is that I want to wear. It’s far too much mental ball ache to be fatter for me. It’s a lot less mental energy for me just to be slim and that requires me to think about what I eat. But the thinking about what I eat takes a lot less energy and a lot less of my time than thinking about what I wear

Girlwithavibe · 14/05/2026 16:53

user464632168 · 14/05/2026 16:38

One thing I would suggest to anyone struggling with this is to get your thyroid levels checked. Perimenopause/menopause are a classic time of life for things to go awry.

I agree with this as well I have subclinical thyroid problems where I have lots of antibodies attacking my thyroid so it's not doing anything one way or the other ATM but I am guessing it goes under and over at times 😕

Barbie222 · 14/05/2026 16:51

I’m hearing you! The thing that’s working for me is spaced eating - for now, anyway. I also lost weight when I stopped HRT, for me it was similar when I was taking the pill

Realvintagewrinkles · 14/05/2026 16:50

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 14/05/2026 16:04

You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

I don't do any of that. I eat what I want.

Me too! I think you’ve always had it wrong Op and probably eating more than your body needed but were younger and possibly moved more.

I’ve always had to be sensible with what I eat and be very conscious of calories in and the exercise needed to allow for treats. I eat a Mediterranean diet and exercise everyday, always have and have found no difference since being menopausal.

bumptybum · 14/05/2026 16:50

Jinxy1 · 14/05/2026 16:33

Muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat. A lb is a lb be it feathers or bricks. A lb of muscle just takes up less space. I do agree about the meno apron though,

A cubed cm of muscle weighs more than a cubed cm of fat

Girlwithavibe · 14/05/2026 16:48

MinnieMountain · 14/05/2026 16:44

How old are you @Girlwithavibe ?

I'm 50 !

bumptybum · 14/05/2026 16:47

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/05/2026 16:06

No, muscle doesn't weigh more than fat

A cubed cm of muscle weighs more than fat.

MinnieMountain · 14/05/2026 16:44

How old are you @Girlwithavibe ?

Threeslothsontheshirt · 14/05/2026 16:41

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:37

OMG should we all just have a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine and be happy?? Who's in?

Me. Opening my bar in half an hour

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 16:40

Girlwithavibe · 14/05/2026 16:34

Eating healthy is a lifelong thing it's not just so u can lose weight then slip back into old habits !
And this is why alot of people find it so hard ! Just eat sensibly and it becomes second nature there isn't any reason why people can't lose weight due to menopause alot of people don't actually know the amount of calories they are consuming and more than likely eating way over a deficit !
Mayonnaise for example having a few big Dollops a day will tip u over if u are not eating a healthy meal .
Lean proteins lots of veggies u can eat pasta rice and pototes but a smaller portion then your veggies and just keep moving !
Glasses of wine are another hidden calorie danger !
It doesn't have to be so hard when u do it as a lifestyle it's hard when u doing it to get to a specific weight and not overhauling lifestyle !

I already eat healthy. I know the amount of calories I am consuming. I have smaller portions, eat lots of veg, upped my protein, have never drank alcohol. I am active. Weight training and walking around 14k steps a day. My body is different now it is menopausal. There is barely any leeway. I can't make my portions much smaller or up my activity.

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/05/2026 16:39

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:36

Wow, impressive! But what would happen if you allowed yourself a little bit of leeway? You're nowhere near overweight...

I daren't. I can put on weight looking at a cake. I very occasionally have a big meal out or something, if I'm on holiday, but it takes so very long to lose even a pound and I have to eat SO little in order to lose weight that I prefer to keep my weight where it is, because I'm afraid that if I start to gain it will pile on and I'll be back trying to lose weight. It's easier to be stable than lose anything.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 14/05/2026 16:39

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/05/2026 16:33

So much this. My weight is steady at a good nine stone, so I'm BMI 21. But I only eat one meal a day, run for miles, cycle, walk, do Pilates, I've started weight training too, and if I eat ANYTHING over this one fairly light meal, on goes the weight. I can't eat any less, am frequently very hungry, and yet... what are we supposed to do?

Are you actually happy living like this? Because this would make me absolutely miserable.

user464632168 · 14/05/2026 16:38

One thing I would suggest to anyone struggling with this is to get your thyroid levels checked. Perimenopause/menopause are a classic time of life for things to go awry.

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:37

OMG should we all just have a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine and be happy?? Who's in?

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:36

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/05/2026 16:33

So much this. My weight is steady at a good nine stone, so I'm BMI 21. But I only eat one meal a day, run for miles, cycle, walk, do Pilates, I've started weight training too, and if I eat ANYTHING over this one fairly light meal, on goes the weight. I can't eat any less, am frequently very hungry, and yet... what are we supposed to do?

Wow, impressive! But what would happen if you allowed yourself a little bit of leeway? You're nowhere near overweight...