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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

357 replies

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 12:02

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

OP posts:
quirkychick · 14/05/2026 17:51

I definitely was affected, the combination of post baby/perimenopause in my early 40s caused weight gain. I also was pretty unhealthy/unwell and started to try and get well. I'm much more active now, eat lowish/moderate carbs and can fit in my old clothes. So, I don't think it's genetic. I agree with the pp who said a healthy lifestyle is about consistent habits.

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 14/05/2026 17:45

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/05/2026 17:40

I think those who aren't affected by the whole meno weight gain will swear blind that whatever they are doing is the right thing, when it might just be luck and genetics that mean they aren't gaining weight.

I have, occasionally, to appear in the public eye, and the camera adds so many pounds that I don't want to start off at a disadvantage. Plus my joints don't need any extra strain. So I can't just 'give in, eat what I like and put up with the weight gain' as some advocate. I wish I could!

Agree re the people who are lucky with this. Woukd be interested to see how it correlates with HRT ( I take it as well as an SSRI so double whammy). For me it’s mainly because due to needing a shitload of fertility treatment I didn’t manage to reproduce til I was almost 40 so now want to stay healthy as long as possible (I’m 51.5)

Rafiel · 14/05/2026 17:45

Like many women, I've been doing that my whole life! I'm very slim and being very slim is important to me. So it takes up headspace but it's becomes ingrained over time so will feel more normal.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2026 17:41

You have to choose your happiness.
Choose yummy food every day but overweight
Or restrict and deny yourself but healthy weight.

I lost 9 stone 7 years ago and every day I am fighting temptation, but it’s worth it for the confidence, great sex, clothes, being happy etc. but it’s hard and there is no leeway. I’ll have a meal out once a month. But yeah you have too choose which side you want, because you can’t have both.

I really really wish we could! I love food 😢

Meno hasn’t changed anything, I’ve never got away with eating too much.

FusionChefGeoff · 14/05/2026 17:40

@AmethystDeceiverso glad it’s not just me. I now look on Vinted when my favourite shorts etc start looking too tight and just find the exact item a size up. Problem solved!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/05/2026 17:40

I think those who aren't affected by the whole meno weight gain will swear blind that whatever they are doing is the right thing, when it might just be luck and genetics that mean they aren't gaining weight.

I have, occasionally, to appear in the public eye, and the camera adds so many pounds that I don't want to start off at a disadvantage. Plus my joints don't need any extra strain. So I can't just 'give in, eat what I like and put up with the weight gain' as some advocate. I wish I could!

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 14/05/2026 17:39

Ethelspagetti · 14/05/2026 17:25

My friend has finally managed to start shifting her menopausal weight. She now has protein with every meal, cut out processed food and goes to the gym to lift weights or walks 10,000 steps daily. She’s lost 3 stone since January!

Anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? 🤔 💉

quirkychick · 14/05/2026 17:36

I meant to add, that stressing your body with too much exercise and food restriction causes cortisol, which can add fat around your middle. Dropping levels of oestrogen also causes your body to store fat, as it tries to hold onto oestrogen.

Dr Mindy Pelz has lots of YouTube videos which I found helpful. great advice for foods/fasting that support menopause.

Specialneedsnightmare · 14/05/2026 17:32

I was thin, even underweight my entire life due to being petite and having health issues. Since my mid 40s when peri kicked in the weight began to pile on. I'm now a size 14 instead of 8!!! Trying to get a handle on it but no luck so far.

whattheysay · 14/05/2026 17:31

I only maintain my weight if I eat less than 1500 calories a day. Probably 1300-1400 is best but I struggle with that but I generally stay within the calories. It’s incredibly shit and I have to to eat a lot of high volume low calorie foods to feel like I’m actually eating something. I am 50 and not in menopause yet although I assume I am peri considering my age. Not sure if suddenly I will start gaining weight
regardless of what I do!

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 17:30

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 17:24

@caretoshare
I am 67, so well past menopause and can still wear clothes that are over 30 years old. You need restraint.
I got married when I was 41 and my dress still fits, if slightly too big these days.
I find that bread makes me fatter as it encourages water retention.

Edited

I do have restraint. I weigh 7lbs more than when I was 18.

I have dropped all snacks and eat two meals a day which are balanced.

OP posts:
AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 17:28

bumptybum · 14/05/2026 16:54

Because presumably she doesn’t want to be any bigger. Leeway would result in fat gain. She presumably is happy with the size she is.

is restricted eating fun? Nope. Is being fat fun? Nope. Some of us prefer the restrictions and eating, then we do being larger

I like not having to think about what I wear. When I’m the size I am, I can just pull on anything and I feel fine. I don’t have to think about it too much. When I’m larger, I’m constantly feeling that I don’t look great and what I’m wearing something that look good. One day looks rubbish the next day

I end up dressing to hide bits of my body instead of just putting on whatever it is that I want to wear. It’s far too much mental ball ache to be fatter for me. It’s a lot less mental energy for me just to be slim and that requires me to think about what I eat. But the thinking about what I eat takes a lot less energy and a lot less of my time than thinking about what I wear

Oh God I'd rather just buy a size up every 10 years! But we are all different

FusionChefGeoff · 14/05/2026 17:28

Personally, I’ve done a lot of work on my mental state rather than my weight. As long as I am within a healthy BMI I do not care if I’ve gone up a dress size or even 2 (on my arse!). I am doing all the right things (weights, running, lots of plants, eating when hungry, not mainlining sugar, no booze). I am quite happy to be whatever size those actions leave me to be honest.

I now find it quite hard to identify with this insistence that people cannot possibly be any bigger than they used to be and that they will make themselves miserable for what remains of their life trying to fight against what their body wants and needs?

Bit bigger than you were at 30? Who cares?!!

fabstraction · 14/05/2026 17:25

I'm not menopausal, but in my late 40s, it's probably not far off. In the past year I've done a complete overhaul of my diet for medical reasons. I was a bit overweight to start with, but not hugely so. With moderate exercise and the diet changes (cutting out as much sugar as possible, reducing carbs and sodium, more protein, veg, and healthy fats) I've lost a fair bit and am well within the normal range of BMI. I do sometimes resent the fact that I had to more or less give up so many favourite foods and drinks, but there are healthier options that are also enjoyable, and I think much less about what I'm missing now than I did when this all started six months ago.

The jabs probably aren't the best option for me (due to family history), so I'm hoping I won't struggle too much once menopause does come along. My mother has never seemed to have a problem with managing her weight, but unfortunately she has had other health issues, some of which I already seem to have inherited. I guess it's all just life!

Ethelspagetti · 14/05/2026 17:25

My friend has finally managed to start shifting her menopausal weight. She now has protein with every meal, cut out processed food and goes to the gym to lift weights or walks 10,000 steps daily. She’s lost 3 stone since January!

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 17:24

@caretoshare
I am 67, so well past menopause and can still wear clothes that are over 30 years old. You need restraint.
I got married when I was 41 and my dress still fits, if slightly too big these days.
I find that bread makes me fatter as it encourages water retention.

PassTheCranberrySauce · 14/05/2026 17:22

I gave up breakfast and sometimes lunch. I feel less hungry. I’m still struggling to lose weight though.

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 14/05/2026 17:22

JoanOgden · 14/05/2026 17:07

It's helpful for societies to have middle-aged women doing lots of work but requiring very little food.

Apparently the reproductive system uses quite a lot of calories, which is one of the reasons menopause reduces calorie needs.

Ah that makes sense. We are still contributors in our 50s and, as you say, for the group to have contributors who don’t need much food in return must be very helpful.

As time passes and we contribute less to the group, we are less useful to others and then what though….?

quirkychick · 14/05/2026 17:21

The fluctuating hormones in perimenopause can stress the body and spike cortisol, especially if you are exercising too hard or eating too little. So, it's better to mix some restorative days with the stronger workouts.

I definitely find being active helps, that includes general moving around as well as exercise. I do some intermittent fasting, eat mostly real food, prioritise protein and veg.

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 17:19

ImWearingPantaloons · 14/05/2026 17:14

I’ve just accepted it and stopped giving a shit.

Its very liberating.

This sounds good but I don't like when my stomach is sticking out and I feel uncomfortable in my clothes when I gain weight. I also have a horrific family history of heart disease and diabetes which puts me at high risk.

OP posts:
caretoshare · 14/05/2026 17:18

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 17:12

@caretoshare
Not sure what you are asking, but eating fresh foods, freshly prepared in normal quantities and chewing correctly will not make you fat, whatever your age.

I do eat fresh foods freshly prepared but I go out to eat with friends and family too, work lunches etc. Eating a bit extra means weight gain. This only happened after menopause.

OP posts:
PleaseAccepyMyUserNames · 14/05/2026 17:17

Girlwithavibe · 14/05/2026 16:34

Eating healthy is a lifelong thing it's not just so u can lose weight then slip back into old habits !
And this is why alot of people find it so hard ! Just eat sensibly and it becomes second nature there isn't any reason why people can't lose weight due to menopause alot of people don't actually know the amount of calories they are consuming and more than likely eating way over a deficit !
Mayonnaise for example having a few big Dollops a day will tip u over if u are not eating a healthy meal .
Lean proteins lots of veggies u can eat pasta rice and pototes but a smaller portion then your veggies and just keep moving !
Glasses of wine are another hidden calorie danger !
It doesn't have to be so hard when u do it as a lifestyle it's hard when u doing it to get to a specific weight and not overhauling lifestyle !

Completely agree with everything you said BUT really bad for you food is one of the few things that gave me pleasure in life!! 😭 Despite my meno-approaching age, I have a young child, and my socialising revolves around someone's kitchen table, a lovely camembert, bread, crisps and dips.
I can absolutely already see benefits of going no carb, and loading up on the veg but it just doesn't hit the same!

ImWearingPantaloons · 14/05/2026 17:14

I’ve just accepted it and stopped giving a shit.

Its very liberating.

AmazingGreatAunt · 14/05/2026 17:12

@caretoshare
Not sure what you are asking, but eating fresh foods, freshly prepared in normal quantities and chewing correctly will not make you fat, whatever your age.

Ifyounevergiveup · 14/05/2026 17:12

Jabs will help because your weight loss is caused by endocrine issues.

Thank your stars that you don’t have PCOS, hypothyroidism or any other metabolic disorder, or you would have started this struggle at puberty. Says the woman with both, who loses a pound a MONTH on the jabs.