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AIBU?

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Original poster

Incidental costs for children - who should pay?

33 replies

hoisttocrew · 13/05/2026 23:14

My ex husband has decided to stop covering incidental costs for my children. He pays over £550 per month in child maintenance, and I also receive a share of his pension (lump sum already received, and monthly payments as well). My salary is £85k, and I receive over £900 per month in rent from my new partner. My ex husband lives nearby and has asked for equal access to our children, but I have refused. When he asked why, I got my solicitor to threaten him with court action for harassment and intimidation.

AIBU to expect him to cover incidental costs on top of what he already pays?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
sugarpiebunnyhunch · 14/05/2026 14:14

LizandDerekGoals · 13/05/2026 23:15

Well this sounds like a reverse

It really does!

nam3c4ang3 · 14/05/2026 14:08

i fucking HATE reverses.

BMW58 · 14/05/2026 14:05

I hope he goes to Court, gets 50/50 PR so doesn't have to give you any money at all.

Well that's what I'd say if this wasn't a painfully obvious reverse.

Really annoying

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 14/05/2026 14:00

If your new partner wants to see his children, he will go to mediation and then court. You don't need to do anything.

Naunet · 14/05/2026 13:05

My ex husband lives nearby and has asked for equal access to our children, but I have refused. When he asked why, I got my solicitor to threaten him with court action for harassment and intimidation

Sure you did. 🙄

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 14/05/2026 12:45

Why do people bother with reverses? I just don't get it. Just ask what you have to, and folks will help the best they can!

Yetone · 14/05/2026 12:40

TheZTeam · 14/05/2026 12:25

Reverse?

Of course it is!

pinkfondu · 14/05/2026 12:38

try per visit 🙄

TheZTeam · 14/05/2026 12:25

Reverse?

inmyhair · 14/05/2026 12:24

😅

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/05/2026 12:20

Well, hi there new-partner-of-the-ex-husband.

To stick to the point…if “incidentals” are pre-agreed and sensible, then they should be shared between both parents regardless of maintenance agreements. You don’t mention what the dad’s salary is, which would seem relevant…the only details you’ve given relate to the mother, and those that help your cause.

cadburyegg · 14/05/2026 12:20

Let me guess OP, you’re the new girlfriend and your boyfriend has told you a sob story about how he pays soooo much in maintenance but the evil ex wife won’t let him see the kids??

Harriet36 · 14/05/2026 12:10

You're the new partner, aren't you? And you think (rightly) that the ex wife is a grasping and greedy woman.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 14/05/2026 11:42

'My ex husband lives nearby and has asked for equal access to our children, but I have refused. When he asked why, I got my solicitor to threaten him with court action for harassment and intimidation.'

LOL. If you post a reverse, you can't phrase it like this!

EmpressaurusKitty · 14/05/2026 11:32

And then at some point the OP says ‘Yes, sorry, its a reverse & I’m actually this other person’ but by then the thread is pretty much buggered anyway.

Jk987 · 14/05/2026 11:31

You haven’t said why him asking for 50/50 has resulting in a threat of court action for harassment? Come on, is this a wind up?

PrincessOfPreschool · 14/05/2026 11:29

A reverse is when the Original Poster is actually the person they are complaining about. In this car, the reverse is the parent who is doing so so much but only refusing 'incidental costs'.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2026 11:28

Reverse.

And a reverse from someone who doesn’t know the terminology re child arrangements

EvieBB · 14/05/2026 11:06

LizandDerekGoals · 13/05/2026 23:15

Well this sounds like a reverse

What's a reverse??

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2026 05:24

Are you the ex husband’s new partner? Sounds like you’re in for an exciting life…

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 14/05/2026 03:46

Well, I don't know about it being a reverse, I think it might just be a daydream that the OP has, and she decided to entertain herself by posting it here? Unfortunately, @hoisttocrew you have just overegged the pudding a little too much. Serving it with custard might have been okay, but the whipped cream and cherry on the top was just too much...

Imaginingdragonsagain · 14/05/2026 03:34

Reverse from point of ex-h’s partner?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 14/05/2026 03:31

Really? 😂

Tell us more...

Anticipation Popcorn GIF
CaffeinatedMum · 14/05/2026 03:20

Never seen a more obvious reverse

realsavagelike · 14/05/2026 02:07

I'm generally awful at spotting a reverse, but I DO have excellent prior experience in dealing with tight fisted asshole ex husbands who begrudge any kind of support, financial or otherwise, to the children they were more than happy to take part in creating.

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