Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

I'm not sure I'd call it selfish as much as pointlessly extravagant: you don't need a 5 bed home for two of you!

I mean if you got another gift would you go for 6 bedrooms?

I just can't see the justification.

I wouldn't do either (assuming the local comp is half way decent).

I'd work less, and go on amazing holidays with my child. Maybe take 3 months off and go round the world on a big trip when they are old enough to appreciate it. Big houses and private schools are not things I value.

Buy the house, do private for high school.

Round here, 150k wouldn't even touch the sides of private education from Reception to Year 13. We are paying about £15k/term at secondary (day only). Dread to think what it would be in 7 years from now.
Even if it is half that in your area, £150k is nowhere near enough.

No way to say whether you should spend the money on private education without knowing your choice of state and private schools and how well they would suit your child. There are some great state schools and some shonky private schools out there.

The house move sounds a bit pointless. Why not invest it and end up with enough to pay your child’s uni costs and a large deposit on a flat (or even a whole flat depending where you live).

As pp say, it's hard to get behind the house move when you already have a decent size house. I don't think I'd want to spend all that and increase monthly outgoings for that.

I think if you don't know atm, do not spend the money for now. Many primary schools are excellent, but you might at least look at private since it has been on your mind. Private school was never an option for my dc but dd1 has ASD and it would have been great to have had more options.

I’d speak to a financial advisor to see how the £150k can earn you some money.
I’d also look at the cost of extending the home you have if you want more room, if that’s feasible.
I’d choose school fees over a house move tbh. If you have a good primary you could start private at secondary.
You mention maintenance, if your child’s father wants private education also, would he be in a position to contribute to fees?

Our child is in state primary and we can afford private secondary.

what puts us off is

1. The money: we could literally buy her a house instead which gives us peace of mind that she will be ok.

1. She has phenomenal friends who are all excited to go up to state school together. I know she could make new friends, but she has a solid group and there's a lot to be said for that.

So I'd say think carefully now rather than making the casual assumption that just going from state to private after primary will be simple. I would advise one or.the other because the consistency is valuable in its own right.

Private school is NOT a waste at primary - it made an astonishing difference to my dc (we moved from state). However, speaking as someone whose parents poured every possible penny into property at the expense of many other things, I would take care over this decision - there is much more to life than a large house.

Id invest it. Send the child to state school. I’d rather pay for a house for them in the future.

This is going to sound unkind but ‘status’? WTF!

No one gives a crap what house you live in. Especially as we are comparing two pretty similar options. People form their opinions based on how you treat them and the type of person you are, not what stuff you e managed to accumulate

It might not be about the extra bedroom but a second bathroom/toilet, bigger bedrooms, bigger living room, less cramped hallway, bigger garden, a separate utility room, kitchen with an island, better location, garage/driveway. A bigger house can have a lot more advantages than just one extra bedroom.

also to look at this from the other side.

If you come across as a snobby status chasing person people won’t want to invite your child to play dates at theirs.

Because they will think you a judgemental person so maybe look beyond your nose and ego.

Then your child loses out. Regardless of your 5bedroom home.

I'd hope being mortgage free, bringing home approximately 5k a month and only having a preschool aged child meant the OP already had a very vast saving pot and pension.

I probably wouldn't go for private for primary unless your child will go to a particularly bad school otherwise. However, if the bigger house is mostly about status, that's not a great choice, either. I'd be more enthusiastic if you'd said you wanted it for other reasons (better garden/play area, nicer location and community, more comfortable for your family's lifestyle).

I'd at least consider investing some of it, personally.

I would not say that you are being selfish, but you are being extravagant. You're going to piss away £150k on a house you don't need rather than invest in your child's education. For what - status? FFS, get a grip!

Well given the OP hasn’t got a mortgage to pay, I’d say she was pretty well placed to achieve the big pension already!

I’d sack off the school fees and the bigger house and invest the money, maybe in your private pension.

Your child only gets to one go at going to primary school but you will have other opportunities to buy a nicer house.
Use this money for private school fees and save for upsizing.

It is shallow and pointless. We (3 of us) live in a huge house and I hate it. My DH loves it and he’s all about the big house status but he’s not the one keeping on top of everything; in the spare rooms and many spaces I barely have any furniture so that’s easy to clean and at the same time it doesn’t feel like a home as it’s not furnished the way I’d like it to be. We do have a weekly cleaner but that’s not enough. I’d move to a 2 bed apartment in a heartbeat.

The gap when the older two started seniors was quite difficult for them, my eldest was always very academically able (GD for most SATs) but even he found it tough going. French, music, maths - the other children all seemed to be starting from a different point. The senior school is about 75% of pupils from either their junior school with a few more from other private schools. The eldest has caught up and is fine now but it was definitely a struggle. My youngest in primary has been getting support for dyslexia which has made a huge difference - his state primary just didn't have the capacity (or the will tbh) to give him extra attention.

If you are chasing status the. Private school is it over an additional spare room.

Unless your extra bedroom also gains you a few acres, stables, workshop and a fishing lake then the status gain won’t be much.

Well that's because people don't have the money and need to save for secondary which is the most important. Primary thugs can be dealt with- secondary less so because you don't know the parents.

Don’t be so silly. This is one adult and a junior school child in a 4 bed already! Not even remotely comparable

Realistically how small can a half a million pound house in the midlands with 4 bedrooms be?