To not have the school home visit?

Former Reception teacher here. Don't give the visit a second thought. We didn't when offers of home visits were refused. You could always ask for a quick meeting with the teacher at the school if there are any issues you'd like to discuss.

Having said that, the home visits were useful for us and child/parents. The children remembered our visits too.

Well then his dad takes him out for 30 mins

but given the op says he goes to a different school, somewhat safe assumption that he would have been at school

That doesn’t mean he’s attending right at the moment, or even that he’s full time.

I just don’t like the ‘oh haha gotcha’ element to these posts. There’s nothing wrong with a ‘but your older son will be at school won’t he?’but some posts are just spiteful and have a horrible air of triumph about them.

For my part, I do think there’s an element of observation, if not judgement. If a teacher goes to a home and it’s crowded; a lot of people, a lot of pets, a lot of noise, then that will impact on the child and they’ll be aware of it.

Can you explain why you’re using your other son as an excuse when he’ll be actually at school when the visit takes place?
It doesn’t make any sense.

I found the teacher visit helpful for my children to get to meet their teacher and have a nice chat prior to starting school. They were also at the school nursery. It was still very worthwhile.

My eldest child has ADHD and ASD. I have to be very careful to ensure my youngest doesn't miss out on things because of their sibling's additional needs. It's easy to overlook the neurotypical child's needs when you're focusing on how to manage the other child's requirements.

I think you might be falling into this trap here. Try and make it work and organise a visit when your elder child can be elsewhere. This visit is for the benefit of your youngest, not you or their sibling.

I’m in the same situation as you sort of, although our new school is visiting childcare settings not home visits. If it were a home visit and I had no one to care for older child out of the house then I would request a phone call and explain why.

it is important the school is aware of the child’s home situation but they can be made aware without upsetting your older child. Those saying it’s not fair to have youngest loose out for the needs of oldest and it builds resentment have a very valid point that you will be managing likely all your life with differing need children. But consider how it feels to have something about you like a teacher home visit ruined by the high need sibling?

I would go ahead with it - it will show the teachers what your DS’s home life is like and give them important context about his older brother and how his behaviour impacts you all.

Explain to your eldest in advance that they’ll be coming and that it’ll only be for a short time, but it is good to do it.

I don't think they were offered round here when my DC started school. We certainly didn't have one if they were. We'd both have been at work which I would think is probably the commonest reason people decline. Between the introductory sessions that are actually in school and staggered starts in September a lot of families find the amount of leave days they need to take at the start of school can be quite difficult to manage and an optional home visit probably isn't top of the agenda. I doubt you'll be the only ones not to sign up OP and I wouldn't worry about it.

I think you should have the home visit if it's the right thing to do for the child it relates to, and not base decisions that affect their wellbeing on the needs of your other child. That's a good way to make them grow up resenting you and their sibling.

We never had one. Really a non issue.

I don't like the idea of home visits. I feel houses and families are being judged (I am a teacher. Although my school doesn't do them).

You are not opting out, just not opting in.
Could DH stay in with dc and you take older child out. Presumably it will be in school hours so elder will be at school.

I didn't have a home visit for DC1 because hey, I was working, and I wasn't about to waste precious leave on it. For DC2 I was between jobs so had the visit. It was pleasant but added nothing important.

I think it would potentially benefit your younger child for his teachers to know the challenges he has at home.

Ive also opted out.
They did question me, but my reasons are valid.
He's attending the nursery attached to the school full time 30 hours. He knows all the teachers very well as I work as a TA in the reception class next door full time.
Also had a home visit for my daughter several years ago.

Cba with it. 😂

It is supposed to be so the parent and child feel at ease in their own surroundings definitely not to snoop. This is the reasoning I was given as a teacher but, as I said, I never did them.

I agree. I never did Home Visits as I was never given cover in school hours to do it. I don't think it made any difference.

Ex reception teacher here who used to do home visits for the new intake. There’s a lot of suspicion here - I assure you ‘snooping’ was not the point at all and I couldn’t have cared less whether people had hoovered or not!

The main point of the visits was for the child to spend time with their new teacher on their territory to help with familiarity rather than them just spending time with a new person in what was also a new place for them. It was also an opportunity to chat to parents about any issues and concerns they had before their child started school and for them to ask any questions. It was surprising how many parents (particularly when the child was their first to go to school) had lots of questions that they would preface with ‘I didn’t want to ask at the new parents’ meeting but can I just check…?’. I would always rather they had the chance to ask what they wanted to know in a comfortable setting.

That being said, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t want to do it for whatever reason. If I’d had the message that you didn’t want a home visit because you didn’t want to disrupt your older child, I’d have asked if there was an alternative that would suit you better, like a private chat at school or whatever. The point is to build a relationship between school and home, not to inspect your house. Do what you’re most comfortable with.

You wouldn’t know Tbf as the English government act like parents in a lot of the educational decision making. When you infantile people enough that they can’t give their own children lunch, pencils or glue or pay for a book, the teacher has to sub it, a nanny state is born.
I have the July provision for DS. I had teachers here during lockdown and for the month of July every year, I just think it’s strange.

They’re never going to start school again, either. If a home visit smooths over starting fears because a child gets to introduce his teacher to his dog, I don’t see the issue. ‘Spying’ seems deeply paranoid.

As you are probably aware living here, in Ireland the children get to meet the teacher, principal and visit the classroom before they start.
Is it a spying tactic too? Seems an unnecessary time waster, teacher is never going to be in their home again.

Completely usual in England, where we lived when DS started school. Doesn’t happen in Ireland where I’m from, but it was actually kind of nice. DS enjoyed it, anyway, and felt some kind of rapport with his two Reception teachers (job share) outside the school context, which was the main point.

It seems mad to me to greet it with such suspicion.

OP, I would do it if at all possible. If not possible, explain why.

@Fishingboatbobbingnight. So true, my dd is 27 and we were given the same advice - don’t pussy foot around, don’t give in, don’t allow her to call the shots, vary routines deliberately and treat her like your other child. Dd was 2 when diagnosed with autism and now an adult she is married, sort of has a job (well it’s a programme to help people into work) and generally gets along ok, uses headphones etc but you couldn’t have predicted this from the screaming non verbal preschooler aged 4. She definitely had serious moments! I didn’t make my life easy but the whole point to not allow her to go down the demand avoidance path in the first place

Home visits are weird. Thankfully my child's school stopped doing them last year when he started reception. They did a one to one to come in with a parent and meet the teacher for 20 mins instead.

Though I do agree with your husband that declining it makes your home situation look suspicious. I always assumed it was a sort of safe guarding thing for them to get an insight into the child's home life. Can you do something with your older child and your husband be there with the younger one and the teacher?