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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

165 replies

Delftthunderclap · 12/05/2026 23:44

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 13/05/2026 01:32

So rude

CrackInTheGlass · 13/05/2026 01:00

Very rude and it smacks of “entitled” to your help. I’d not offer to help again in any way. Also would fear that you’d be blamed if it didn’t go the way they wanted so prepare for that. No good deed goes unpunished unfortunately 😕 you did a good thing so please keep that in mind however this works out, it’s not on you. They can FAAFO.

Zanatdy · 13/05/2026 00:53

Wow, both incredibly rude.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/05/2026 00:51

Yanbu that is rude

BlissfullyBoring · 13/05/2026 00:50

@Delftthunderclap it’s exceptionally rude. However I’ve come to realise that there are many, many people who feel entitled! The rest of us serve their needs.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/05/2026 00:43

Entitled and rude.

SoManyTshirts · 13/05/2026 00:29

Yes she was rude. Is it usual to give that much help on a dissertation to someone who isn’t your student? I did OU so didn’t write a full dissertation, but I believe final assignments were supposed to be all our own work.

Penkie · 13/05/2026 00:12

How rude!
I didn't think you were going to say a month ago. That's more than enough time for them to have bought a little gift or acknowledged your help in the appropriate manner.
Shame you can't send a bill for your time. £100.

Calendulaaria · 13/05/2026 00:00

Yes, I find that rude

BerryTwister · 12/05/2026 23:59

Very rude.

Allthegearsonowitstimetostart · 12/05/2026 23:59

Yes. Very inadequate response just to write “thanks” and appallingly rude.

The dd can’t even claim that helped was asked for without her agreement as she had said “both please”.

I’d be making it (subtley) known via my dh that I was unimpressed tbh!

But give it a bit of time first to see if they are just late. One of my DD’s is in her last year and she it’s very full on for her atm with submissions, presentations and forthcoming exams etc.

Edited: oh well if it’s already been a month then that’s even worse!

Delftthunderclap · 12/05/2026 23:54

Around a month ago.
I do feel it's rude but was questioning myself because how could anyone NOT think the right thing to do was send a more substantial thanks....?

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 12/05/2026 23:51

Sure, it's rude. But you already know that.

McSpoot · 12/05/2026 23:47

How long ago was this?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/05/2026 23:46

Very rude if that’s where it ends. Could there be flowers on the way or a nice card/letter?