To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

I’m not sure they’d “get it”.
If they’re that entitled they would think your interest in them was absolutely justified 😀

Hopefully they are just a little late getting their Thank You card and bottle of wine to you OP.

Same here. We had to write proper thank you letters.

I made my own daughters do the same.

My siblings and I have bought our nieces presents that they requested in the past and we still did not receive a thank you, a phone call or even a text. On some occasions it wasn’t even acknowledged whether the parcel had arrived or not.

It is very rude, and a cautionary tale - not to do favours for folks you don't have a close relationship with and where there is ongoing care, respect and consideration. I've also learned this the hard way. I now respect my own time a bit more, and am happier for it.

Yes op. It’s your dh who is definitely in the wrong. He’s put out bc it involves his friend’s family, It’s totally out of order for him to call you needy for expecting basic manners.

I don’t know what has got in to people nowadays but there seems to be a prevailing attitude that if you do something to help someone, then you must have wanted to do it, therefore no thanks are necessary!

And more than that, apparently it’s your fault for not having good boundaries if you didn’t actually want to do whatever it was, but went ahead and did it anyway, because you are being kind and didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Unfortunately this viewpoint completely ignores any pressure or obligation you may feel under when asked to do something by a friend of your family. And how it is actually can feel quite uncomfortable having to say no once asked, depending on circumstances.

In summary, I totally disagree with the blithe assumption that “it’s always ok to ask for a favour as the person can always say no”. Yes they can say no but then they have to deal with disappointment from the person asking and from the mutual friend or family member. In other words, they have put you on the spot.

Sorry to wang on but this is a particular bugbear of mine. And poor manners. And unsupportive husbands.

Anyway, you can certainly get the message across that this young women should not be expecting any further help from you if she goes for a Masters.

We had to write 'thank you' letters to anyone we wouldn't see in person - and it had to be a proper letter not just a 'thank you'. It sometimes felt like a chore finding enough to fill a page to say to elderly aunts we never saw, but looking back, I'm glad we did as I can now imagine the pleasure it would have brought them.

Same. I never get thanked anymore for sending gifts to nieces and nephews. When I was young, our mother made us pick up the phone and call/thank any aunt etc who'd sent us a gift.

I did something similar for someone I know as a friend of friends. Her DS wants to do the career I do and asked if I could also review something for them. I did it and sent back and didn’t even get a response at all! I saw her a few months later and they didn’t even mention it then! Some people are just ignorant.

Oh this happens to my poor OH all the time.

He works with cars, although not strictly a mechanic, he can do that stuff. Everyone takes advantage. Rather than taking their car to a garage, they message him. People who can't be bothered to talk to us the rest of the time. 'heyyy, heard you know your way around a car, mate!"

Someone who lives near us told their girlfriend to call him the other day as she backed into another car. We don't even know her! He couldn't do the work as you need specific kit but he helped her out massively with advice and how to not get ripped off.

When she was next in the area she didn't even knock and say thank you. Neither did the guy who sent her our way.

I would personally have sent you a card and flowers/chocs. I do this without fail for people who have helped me out. The salesperson who helped us get our current house (new build) got some pink fizzy wine, a card and chocolates, even though she really didn't do much.

I hate lack of manners. Everyone is so entitled. I really despair. It does my head in.

YANBU. For something that took this long and required your concentration it should have been along the lines of:

On receipt "Thank you, I really appreciate your help, I'll go through your notes now"
Follow-up "I've now submitted my dissertation, thanks again taking the time to review it, your notes were really useful" as a minimum - personally I'd add something more specific highlighting an improvement I'd been able to make.

Even if the notes weren't much use to her, she can still describe them as 'useful' if only to reaffirm her confidence that not much needed changing from her point of view.

I feel that this kind of routine politeness is disappearing. We regularly send gifts to younger family members and get no acknowledgment at all. This young woman probably didn't consider that your feedback took you time and she was very lucky to get it. Perhaps her mum didnt either. It's a bit sad.

I would also follow up if she doesn't contact you herself and perhaps pointedly say that if she wants to progress in her career she should think about the importance of manners towards those helping her along the way. I'm willing to bet she treats her parents the same way.

I get asked to do stuff like this for people all the time in my profession and for this exact reason my answer to anything that I know will take me more than a five minute signpost is “sorry, no” unless it’s for someone I’m very close to. I personally would not usually spend 1.5h doing something for someone I don’t know. People often simply do not understand (willingly or unwillingly) how long it takes to read and give feedback

Exactly this. So many people feel entitled to your time and skills, for free. Absolutely no.

“Asked a favour” but more than can you push the post through my letterbox whilst I’m away!

Deserves a bit more than “thanks”.

Me too.

I voted yabu as you should have charged them for this many people often a proof reading service. Yes they were rude.

No she didn’t. This sort of thing requires a lot more than “thanks”. Thats the sort of response you’d expect if you texted your neighbour saying “I took your bin in for you this morning”.

But you taught this age group so you know exactly how they can be!! I have some students who are so lovely they will give me chocolates or books and profusely thank me for being a great support. Then I’ll get others who will ignore me all year unless forced to interact. And given the fact you’ve supervised dissertations, you also know how many students don’t even have a topic a month before it’s due so…

The mother should have gone out of her way to thank you imo.

they were very rude but also I wouldn't do this for a student. Their work is supposed to be their own.

Yabu. She asked a favour, you did it and she thanked you.

But she should get a thanks regardless of the grade!! its OP's time and effort, that has been put in regardless of what grade this little brat gets.

Incredibly rude. Some people have no shame.

Lol, i actually really doubt she will.

How rude. I’d actually send a passive aggressive follow up and say “I didn’t hear anything from you, so I hope Henrietta found my comments helpful and has now submitted her dissertation.”

I get asked to do stuff like this for people all the time in my profession and for this exact reason my answer to anything that I know will take me more than a five minute signpost is “sorry, no” unless it’s for someone I’m very close to.

Yep- same. I have been in OP's shoes many times and I dont do it any more unless I am very close to the person. It's not because I am being unkind but I am honestly sick to death of spending my own time and even sometimes money, to help others out who then cant even be arsed to say thank you. It's not asking a lot to simply be polite and offer a proper thank you. I am not expecting a gushing essay just a simple appreciation of the amount of work and time it has taken me to assist them.

Now I have noticed people getting really arsey that I will no longer help them out as I used to do and I find it quite bemusing. Suddenly when they arent getting what they want, they think I am the rude one 🤣