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AIBU?

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To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

165 replies

Delftthunderclap · 12/05/2026 23:44

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

OP posts:
ruethewhirl · 13/05/2026 12:59

Witchonenowbob · 13/05/2026 07:33

“Asked a favour” but more than can you push the post through my letterbox whilst I’m away!

Deserves a bit more than “thanks”.

This! What OP did is actual work and if was nice of her to take time out to do it. She'd have been justified in charging for something like that, and didn't. Do some people really think a cursory text saying 'thanks' is enough?

cathome64 · 13/05/2026 12:56

Definitely rude but very common here now. We’re all wrapped up in our self importance and busy lives. We could learn a lot from less developed countries.

paradisecircus · 13/05/2026 12:56

I'd have felt the same OP (and have when I've done a similar favour for minimal acknowledgement). I guess the lesson is not to invest that much time on something like that again.

RubyMentor · 13/05/2026 12:43

Wait until the graduation photos are posted on Facebook and then comment along the lines of 'I'm glad that my dissertation supervision was of help to you'

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 13/05/2026 12:37

I’d have thanked you for your time and advice. Then I’d have sent you a message, or card, when I submitted the dissertation thanking you again.

ParmaVioletTea · 13/05/2026 12:27

Very rude.

But there is a proportion of undergrads nowadays whose sense of entitlement is legion. Not all of them, but quite enough to leave one with a sour taste.

If she behaves like that in the workplace, she'll have a sharp lesson!

domenica1 · 13/05/2026 12:13

I would have to send a pass agg message, Hi there was just checking if D was able to open the file ok and found the comments and additional resources helpful?

WearyAuldWumman · 13/05/2026 12:11

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/05/2026 09:20

A fellow student of a dd did exactly the same degree as her dad, and basically submitted his dissertation as her own! This was in the 90s, so the dad probably wrote his in the 60s.

It's exasperating.

BarbiesDreamHome · 13/05/2026 12:07

I would have assumed that was the acknowledgment of receipt and that a proper thank you will be coming after graduation.

If not then I expect in 15 years or so when the dd has grown up she will have learnt from people other than her mum how to express gratitude. (As a kid, my friends parents helped me a lot and i just said thanks. Sadly no longer in touch woth said friend but as an adult, if we were still in touch I like to think I'd have gone out of my way to give a generous bunch of flowers and a proper thank you for all the help over the years. She was a fab person and she will never know how grateful I am to her)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/05/2026 12:03

Unbelievably rude of them!

Maybe the dd hadn’t wanted her Mum to ask for help but once it was requested and given, one or both should have thanked you properly

ChocolateAddictAlways · 13/05/2026 12:01

WaltzingWaters · 13/05/2026 12:00

Really rude. I’d have sent a proper message, followed by a card and bottle of wine!

I think this is the correct response given the time and effort that went in. Or flowers/chocolates etc but basically a gift to acknowledge and appreciate the favour.

ChocolateAddictAlways · 13/05/2026 12:00

Delftthunderclap · 12/05/2026 23:54

Around a month ago.
I do feel it's rude but was questioning myself because how could anyone NOT think the right thing to do was send a more substantial thanks....?

A month ago? Oh dear. That's rude.

It takes just a minute or two to send a nicely worded email or text message.

WaltzingWaters · 13/05/2026 12:00

Really rude. I’d have sent a proper message, followed by a card and bottle of wine!

Htcunya · 13/05/2026 11:51

Gymnopedie · 13/05/2026 11:44

More likely, if she doesn't get a 1st for it it will be OP's fault. Even if she didn't take on board anything the OP said.

Very much so, with people like that. If she does well it's thanks to her own ability and effort, if she doesn't, it's the fault of the teacher/lecturer/OP.
Fortunately, there are still many appreciative people around.

BillieWiper · 13/05/2026 11:50

Maybe she couldn't handle any kind of criticism of her work and somehow got offended by the amount of mistakes you noticed or things you thought she could improve? I can't see why else she'd be so rude.

Grammarninja · 13/05/2026 11:48

Very rude.

Canthi87 · 13/05/2026 11:47

Isn't that cheating?

But yes she was rude

Gymnopedie · 13/05/2026 11:44

YoullWishYourLifeAway · 13/05/2026 07:02

It won’t have been marked yet.
I imagine once she sees her grade, she will thank you for helping her achieve it.

More likely, if she doesn't get a 1st for it it will be OP's fault. Even if she didn't take on board anything the OP said.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 13/05/2026 11:41

Delftthunderclap · 12/05/2026 23:54

Around a month ago.
I do feel it's rude but was questioning myself because how could anyone NOT think the right thing to do was send a more substantial thanks....?

That was incredibly rude!! No, yadnbu.

Gymnopedie · 13/05/2026 11:40

DH was all grumpy when I mentioned it and implied I was being needy and overthinking

Of course he was. He'd rather you be upset than rock the boat with his friend.

LaughingCat · 13/05/2026 11:37

StephensLass1977 · 13/05/2026 08:21

Oh this happens to my poor OH all the time.

He works with cars, although not strictly a mechanic, he can do that stuff. Everyone takes advantage. Rather than taking their car to a garage, they message him. People who can't be bothered to talk to us the rest of the time. 'heyyy, heard you know your way around a car, mate!"

Someone who lives near us told their girlfriend to call him the other day as she backed into another car. We don't even know her! He couldn't do the work as you need specific kit but he helped her out massively with advice and how to not get ripped off.

When she was next in the area she didn't even knock and say thank you. Neither did the guy who sent her our way.

I would personally have sent you a card and flowers/chocs. I do this without fail for people who have helped me out. The salesperson who helped us get our current house (new build) got some pink fizzy wine, a card and chocolates, even though she really didn't do much.

I hate lack of manners. Everyone is so entitled. I really despair. It does my head in.

Edited

All of this. Crikey, we just gave some nice chocs in a gift bag to the couple who took two mins to move their van from in front of our house so our scaffolders could park 😂 For your time and effort you absolutely should have had more acknowledgment.

Well, you know now and should she ever want work experience or career advice, you know not to bother!

Whyarepeople · 13/05/2026 11:32

You've learned an important life lesson, unfortunately, which is to never provide anything related to your paid work for free. You will definitely resent it. It is usually pisstakers who request this sort of thing - decent people feel like it's too big of an ask (which it is).

I've had a few experiences like this in the past (it took me a while to learn). Now if someone requests something work related I ignore it or say I don't have time.

MiaKulper · 13/05/2026 11:20

I'd ask if the DD found the comments useful and how she was getting on.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 13/05/2026 11:20

Delftthunderclap · 13/05/2026 07:53

Thanks so much, all, for your comments (I went to bed!)
I'm heartened to see quite a consensus. DH was all grumpy when I mentioned it and implied I was being needy and overthinking to feel a bit miffed about it, so I started to think I was unrealistic.
They're people I would have expected better of, so it feels a bit sad.

DH is an idiot!

He should be defensive of your time and effort.

send them an invoice!!!!

ThisOneLife · 13/05/2026 11:12

Fast800goingforit · 13/05/2026 07:59

I would also follow up if she doesn't contact you herself and perhaps pointedly say that if she wants to progress in her career she should think about the importance of manners towards those helping her along the way. I'm willing to bet she treats her parents the same way.

Her parents have obviously rested her to be rude and entitled. If they’d thought she should have given fulsome thanks and sent a gift they’d have made sure that happened.