Don't understand 100% joint finances

No nothing specific - it's just alien concept to me that's all.

So nothing specific then. Okie dokes.
Maybe just accept that people organise their finances in ways that work for them? Then there's nothing for you to try and "understand".

Agree with others, joint money isn’t the problem, he is.

All of our money is joint money, everything is paid from there, neither of us question the others spending, it is no different than us having separate accounts in practice.

I think everyone needs to find the system they are comfortable with and agree that the example in the OP is about financial abuse not joint finances but also think from personal experience, something that should be taken into account is what happens with joint accounts if one holder loses capacity and there is no PoA in place (for various reasons it was not possible in the end to get PoAs in place before my Mum was diagnosed as having lost capacity). This has happened to my parents, they had their own separate accounts but their main one is joint. This has meant that even though my Mum's pensions now go into a separate account managed by us, her children, under a deputyship order as there was no PoA and they now have totally separate accounts with the main joint account now just having my Dad's pensions going into it and it operating as a sole account, his money is counted as joint for the purposes of the deputyship reports that have to be submitted quarterly because my Mum's name is on the account and she cannot be removed as she cannot request this herself since she has lost capacity. My Dad understandably really resents this and it is taking years to sort this out with no end in sight at the moment. I have concluded that this scenario should also be considered in the whole joint or separate finances debate. It isn't just divorce that throws a spanner in the works.

We’re joint, our wages are paid into the joint account, all bills come out of that account as well as family expenses like kids clothes etc. We then have a standing order so we both receive £300 pocket money each month into our personal accounts to spend on whatever we want.

Haha same! I handle all of our finances.

I am in an even better position as I have my husbands Isas App on my phone as I set them up. The fool!

DH and I don't have joint finances either, although we do still view things as our money, there's no concept of mine and yours and paying each other back, that seems quite fucked up in a relationship.

But I like the privacy of it, if for no other reason than buying birthday presents is easier! And I prefer not to see what he spends as I can just see myself getting moany about it, so best be out of sight, out of mind.

In our case, our savings are in individual names for tax reasons. You can’t have joint ISAs anyway. So I always have access to money.
But equally, if so inclined I could also transfer all the money from the joint account into my own name and leave him with nothing.

Exactly this. What also helps is that neither of us have wild habits and have similar approaches to money. If you have one party who basically drains the account with their personal spending then that would not work. So for example I get a bonus a couple of grand which I never think of spending all on myself - husband this year transferred it into my personal account that I have had since before we got married in an effort to take ur away from the joint account and make me spend it.

im the higher earner now but it’s been the other way round as well.

Why a married couple would have anything other than joint finances.

What specifically don't you understand?

We have the same set up as you, it works for us. But I totally understand 100% joint works for other couples but your friend is not a good example of how that works well.

Too complicated. Everything in the same pot, admin is too painful otherwise.

By your logic, so could I! We completely trust each other not to do that.

I think your definition of work is narrowed and anti-feminist. Does only paid work count as 'work'? It devalues the work involved in raising children and ignores the 'motherhood penalty' women face re. work (of course in an ideal world this wouldn't exist, but we're dealing in reality and it does).

FWIW I do work. But I'd never sneer or say it gives me the 'ick' to someone who has made a different choice.

To be honest I don't understand how you can be married and not have joint finances?

I am not talking about non married couples - that's different.

If you have to share the money you earn with a man who didn't earn it then it's not really yours to begin with
Just because you have to spend some of the money you earn on a Mortgage you agreed to pay, does it mean that the money was never yours to begin with? Your statement makes zero sense, irrespective of whether you agree with joint finances or not.

What is the point of being economically productive?
To pay for stuff? Whether you choose to do that from a joint account or separate accounts, doesn't change the fact that we all need to pay for stuff. Ironically, Not being economically productive (which I presume is your alternative plan) would make you wholly reliant on the state or possibly a man - I am failing to see how that is a feminist statement?

Exactly how we did it - and as I said above it made things so very simple when he died, which is not something we tend to think about but it truly was such a blessing not to have to worry about access to money during such a difficult time.

I am sorry for those who have financially irresponsible spouses or think that a time might come when they need to part, but that was not the case with us - and I would not have married him if I thought he might be financially controlling or dishonest in any way - but I guess everyone could say that and say I struck lucky,

We did both spend money on frivolous things sometimes and did not begrudge these for the other.

Ours are completely joint. We’ve been married since we were young though and been through various combinations of me working, DH studying, both working, me sahm, DH high earning, both part time etc so it never made sense to have separate. We also both brought similar amounts of money to the relationship. I think it’s very different if you come into a relationship older, already with children or unequal financial position.

I deal with all the money. DH doesn’t have to “ask permission” to buy stuff though, but surely it’s sensible as a couple to discuss big purchases? ISAs and pensions etc are single names but we consider them joint.

Works for us - each to their own!

Oh, and I'm not working and DH has a fairly good salary, that he is very firm, as he always has been, is 'our' money.

When DH and I got married we pooled all our money and have had a joint account now for over 40 years.

Sometimes he's earned more, sometimes I've earned more. All the money has always been both of ours.

We get on, we share the same values and views on spending, money, material things, savings. Any big expenses (holidays, new cars) we talk about in advance as I suppose couples who have separate finances do.

In over 40 years it's never been a problem, we've never fallen out about it, neither of us has ever felt we didn't have total freedom to spend as we wish. Our pensions get paid into that account now.

We view our money as one big pot so although ISAs and investments are in separate names, it's all part of the household pool. For us, those are for long term saving, and so far we've only spent some on housing which is obviously a household expense, and we'll spend it on other major life expenses and retirement which we see as family expenses. We each manage our own investment choices (I have a higher risk tolerance than DH) and that doesn't affect it being part of our family's long-term savings pot.

We do 100% joint and it works because we're both equally crap with money, and complete bloody pushovers.

What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.
Our money is all joint.
I work full time, DH can't work due to health reasons. His benefits barely cover the grocery bill.
So it all goes in a joint account so DH can buy something if he wants without worrying about it or having to ask me for it.