Don't understand 100% joint finances

Everything goes in one pot. We know the amount for normal bills but then I work out what else we have on that month and then we both get allocated same amount of spends to do with as we please.

Your lucky friend! You being judgemental and a husband watching her spending!

Just because your friend has a financially controlling DH doesn't mean that the accounts they have their money in are the cause. If they had money in joint and separate accounts like you do her DH would still be financially controlling and she wouldn't have much money to put in her own accounts.

Don't confuse the two issues and think you're choice of accounts is the deciding factor. That's just ignorant.

We do fully joint finances. We both work FT and earn similar amounts. It all goes in one pot, mortgage etc all come out and we spend as we please. We don’t keep tabs on each other, if it was a big purchase then we would absolutely discuss it but there’s no my money or his money, it’s just our money.

I think it’s pretty narrow minded to not be open to the fact that what suits you isn’t automatically the right choice for everyone

We have been married 30 odd years and never had joint bank accounts. Never needed to. My DH pays for everything. My earnings are my own to do what I like. If ever we chat about a big purchase (say like a fridge or something) it’s down to who has financial capacity and job done. We never argue - we are pretty much aligned and transparent and would give each other our last penny anyway.

Completely joint here , managed by me but nobody questions anyone’s spending , he spends very little anyway . No financial abuse from either side here and I’ve never felt the need to be financially independent of my husband .

We have everything joint and it works for us! We just have an agreement that we ask each other if we’re buying something over £100

DH earns more than I do but we have joint account and separate accounts too. Basically, all our salary gets paid into the joint account and each of us transfer the same amount into our individual accounts.
The rest in the joint account pays all the bills, family savings, holidays, meals out, food, everything basically.
Over time, both of us have built up individual savings from the amount we transfer to our personal accounts because we’re just not spenders but having a separate account where I can decide to save what I get monthly to maybe buy myself a very expensive item that’ll be used exclusively by me, book a girls trip, or even just buying myself lunch at work without DH getting a debit alert is really nice.

All people are different, and all circumstances are different. I didn’t work for a while as my youngest is profoundly disabled and there was absolutely no child care available for him. I was also only getting 2 hours sleep a night due to his needs, so working was impossible. I’m back at work now, but earn far less than I did before he was born. You don’t really have to ‘understand’ why people do things differently to you, it’s irrelevant to you.

Completely joint and never questioned regarding spending - he earns far more than me. I will receive an inheritance soon (currently in probate) and it will also go into the joint account. A couple we know have separate finances (close enough to be told details) and she is always scrabbling around for money whilst he treats himself - I recognise it as financial abuse because my parents were similar.

Joint finances are completely fine and have always worked well for us but neither my husband nor I behave like a dick about it.

What would you do if your DH ran out of money due to illness or unemployment or some other situation?

You are only being unreasonable as you seem to think there are only two options. My husband and I have one bank account - well two as we have a savings account as well. All our money goes in and out of there. We both know where we are and what we have left. We make decisions individually if it’s the amounts that would be reasonable for us and collectively if it’s something like a car or other large purchase.

It only becomes a bit silly when we used to get each other gifts. Now we just get little things and buy what we want ourselves.

I understand how you do it so hopefully you can try to understand what works for me!

Totally joint here. As pp said, your money is his money on divorce anyway. What’s the point separating it out? Neither of us are dicks about what the other wants to spend money on. Neither of us fritters money away.

Most of our purchases go on a joint credit card which gets paid off every month. The only time DH has questioned a purchase on it is when he doesn’t recognise the name of the store etc and just wants to make sure it’s not fraudulent purchase.

Its the questioning of the purchases not the joint account that is the problem @Lorendo

We have joint finances because we have a joint life.

It harks back to the days when women didn’t work. Bit old fashioned these days, but I can see why it would be needed if one partner isn’t working.

100% joint finances here as well, we don’t question eachothers expenses but we also have the same sense of how much we can roughly spend without discussing it first.
It has been working for us for almost 20y

I don't really understand split finances when you're married. Just makes no sense to me at all. If we got divorced everything would be split equally so why not live as financial equals?

As lots of others have pointed out, the situation with your friend is a result of financial abuse, not as a result of shared finances.

So Interesting learning about other couples’ finances. We have joint everything & never even considered separate accounts; it’s worked for us for 20 years. Salaries are similar, we’re debt free & fortunate enough to be able to meet all obligations. Obviously large purchases are discussed but as we are we’re sensible spenders anyway, it’s all manageable.
(Honestly, the idea of separate accounts is anathema to me - guess I’m a bit old fashioned!)

100% joint finances works for us and has done for nearly 25 years, but if one of us was a shopaholic or an obsessive control freak, there would be problems. The best way to do things will vary by couple, and if one or both of them has issues with money, none of 'the ways' may be good, unfortunately.

Completely joint here. It works for us. I earn less than DH but I don't have to check with him before buying anything.

Our finances are joint, we have always been paid into the joint account, then transferred out bills, savings, household expenditure etc to the relevant accounts and personal spending to our personal accounts. It's basically the same set up just a different way round. Means it doesn't matter who earns more, we've both got access to the same amount of money. I fail to see what's complicated and/or abusive about that?

Edited to add: the problem is that your friends husband is an arse