AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

I truly don't understand how your mum can be like this.
I simply don't get it.
Wishing you and your family all the best.

@ThisLimeBee this is awful behaviour from your mum. You must feel really hurt and let down.
Sending virtual support.

I wonder if perhaps your parents are terrified of you haemorrhaging again and that’s why your mum’s trying to push you into a planned c-section? She might be reluctant to let you know the real reason so made out the childcare thing to be the big issue..?

So sorry op. I wonder if they’re expecting you to take care of them in later years when they need help?

Sorry for you OP - your mum sounds awful.
I’d move heaven and earth for my daughter (and I did/do in many ways).
Perhaps you just caught her at a bad time and she will change her mindset.

For crying out loud OP what the hell is wrong with them. Id move mountains to help or go off sick for a couple of days if necessary.
If my next door neighbour asked me Id help out.

This is awful! Was a long time ago but my parents & sister had a holiday booked when I was near my due date with twins. They nearly cancelled so they would be there to look after my DS & support me through it! I persuaded them not to cancel as I was booked for a CS a dew days after their return but my mum was beside herself in case I went into labour early. I’m sorry your parents are being so unsupportive OP. Hopefully a friend can help out.
Don’t forget your parents have treated you badly when they are old & frail & want your help. I’d be distancing from them now.

Your mum wants you to undergo major abdominal surgery purely so it is more convenient for her, or so she can get out of helping her daughter? That’s horrendous - I’m so sorry OP. As pps have said I would also be rethinking my relationship with her -‘ and I would never provide her with any support in the future either

This has made me feel very sad to think of you so vulnerable and left alone with a new born plus toddler. What on earth was your mother thinking?! You must be an amazingly strong and courageous person to be able to look back and joke about the situation. You have my admiration, seriously.

This and i wouldnt let her visit to see the baby anytime either
Although by the sounds of her she probarly wouldnt want to anyway.

OP, all the best for the upcoming birth and new addition to your family.

I empathise very much knowing what kind of parents you are dealing with. Same for me and I also have siblings of the same approach too. MIL and SIL is the same! I don’t know how DH and I both won the ‘lotto’ with this kind of parenting and sibling relationship. We’ve helped both our families when they have needed it.

I’m fortunate since I’ve had DC that I haven’t needed anything emergency-wise yet for help (and they have never helped anyway in any circumstance and DC is almost 4 - no overnights, no 30 minutes of holding DC while I put on the laundry).

This post makes me think I better really put together some kind of network especially sounding out nursery staff. If something happened with me or with DH, we would be stuck.

I can’t imagine having the same disinterested approach with my DC in the future.

How awful of your parents.
Hopefully you've got a good friend who will help you out.
My parents would have had my daughter for us if needed, but my sister had her and was very helpful in making sure she was prepared for her arrival at her house at any time.
I hope you find someone willing to help you. This is an extra stress you don't need while pregnant.

I had a friend lined up for DS1 when DC2 was due to be born. She already had plans and adapted them with the plan that she'd take him away with her for due date weekend if baby hadn't been born (DS1 was 39wks) so that her weekend wouldn't be interrupted part-way through.

The favour has been "repaid" over the years with emergency childcare of her children including 3am phonecalls. Reciprocal friendships are very useful.

Family wasn't a practical consideration due to age and distance, but it's very different to always knowing that compared to being rejected to a parent that could help and chooses not to and is also insulting about it.

In the future OP, remember to only reinvest back into your parents what they were prepared to invest into you.

When there was a possibility of my daughter going into labour early, the first thing myself and my husband said to her and her husband was, ring us if you need us, don’t matter what time of day or night, we’ll have our other grandchild for her.
I can’t believe how horrible your own mother is being, both my husband and I work and we were both happy to take unpaid leave to help my daughter out. We even said no matter how long she’s in hospital for we’d have her other child, and her husband can stay with her, we’re more than happy to help them both out

Your mum sounds awful. So cold and detached.
Of course YANBU. tell her thanks for nothing and ask a friend to look after your toddler. Good luck !

At the very least if she feels she couldn’t cope with him on her own, she could offer to be at the hospital with you, rather than tell you to do it on your own.

She sounds awful, I’d take a big step back from her.

Focus on finding something else suitable. Maybe a friend? Try and spend as much time as possible with them in the lead up so your toddler feels comfortable.

You mentioned he goes to nursery, would any of the staff there provide childcare overnight etc? I know someone whose parents lived abroad and a staff member from their nursery provided care for 2 nights when they had their second, it worked really well as the child already had a good relationship with them.

I suggest you create a whatsapp group and include all your willing friends and colleagues and your husband. That way, when you go into hospital, he can contact the whatsapp group and whoever is free can come straight away, but if they can't stay long enough, then someone else on the list can step in.

I'm sure if that were the case for both her parents then the OP would have been told that - sorry love we'd love to help but as you know we are both head teachers so if it happens on a school day you''ll need a backup plan. That's not what happened.

I don’t think some people on this thread appreciate that with some jobs you can’t just drop everything and go to pick up a child whose mother is having a baby . I’ve got friends whose parents have been headteachers and anaesthetists.

But the partner understandably wants to attend the birth. Have a heart please!

Oh my goodness. As a 57 year old mum of 3, gran of 2, I want to scoop you up and give you a MASSIVE hug!

First of all, one bad birth experience absolutely does not make you bad at giving birth. It means you had one bad birth experience.

Second of all... what is wrong with your Mother? I have my grandchildren a lot, for a lot less of a reason than both parents needing to be there for another grandchild to be born. I can't imagine letting my DD go through that without the support of her DH!

I also choose to spend time with these little beings and they give me so much joy. I really can't imagine not wanting to spend time with them.

I'm so glad you seem to have other supportive people in your life.

I would definitely be drastically reducing the amount of time myself and my child spent with my mother going forward, if I was in your shoes. Give her a taste of her future if she continues to be so unsupportive.

I wish you and your little family all the very best. Xx

Can't remember how it came about, but my mum when looking after my children whilst I was working, had one of the school mums toddler while she went into labour and felt very honoured to have been picked

Your mother is an awful woman

What a rotten cow. Why do you bother with her? I’d not talk to her after this.

Really feel for you. I don’t understand why your mum won’t pull out all the stops to support and help you. I helped my daughter with her toddler when she went into labour.