AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

I’m not surprised at all that you feel hurt.
But at least you don’t have to worry about caring for your parents as they get older - they’ve shown you how selfish behaviour works.
Good luck op.

I’m sorry your mother isn’t helpful. Honestly taken up your friends and colleagues offers of help. People who offer help often like helping and is strengthens your friendship. And begins to create the sacred ‘village’. Hope all goes well.

Not all employers will agree to instant annual leave when an employees daughter gives birth.

Night workers do need to sleep.

It sounds unsupportive but she does have practical reasons for not agreeing to everything.

Utterly awful how cold she is being towards her own daughter… AFAIK c-sections can’t be booked at the weekend, I had two electives and both were on a Monday (the Monday a week before my due date). I do recommend it after a prior PPH, this is why I had mine because I basically have a really rubbish uterus after large babies so it doesn’t contract strongly enough and I bleed too much. You’re safer surrounded by the team in a controlled atmosphere and I didn’t bleed heavily either time.

It very much depends on their jobs. Many jobs do not offer the option of last minute decision not to go in without significant disruption to service provision.

I would hate to find out that an essential surgery was cancelled at the last minute because the main nurse assistant had to go babysit her grandchild.

Otherwise, it's unkind.

Ouch, that must really hurt OP. When my nephew was due to be born, my brother asked me to be on standby to look after my toddler niece. I had an overnight bag packed in the car for weeks beforehand and as I’m 30 mins away, had the car filled up constantly, tires checked and left my phone on full volume…I possibly went over the top. 😘

But the point is, a new baby is such an exciting time and it’s disappointing that your parents are being so unhelpful about it. They’re missing out on the excitement of it all - but I guess that’s their choice.

Unless your colleagues are 100% reliable, I’d be leaning more toward a nanny or paid help. You definitely want to make sure that when you need them (esp if it’s the middle of the night) they answer the phone.

Best wishes!

That’s really sad your mum wont help out. My mum would if she could but she lives 5 hours away. I had to birth my second child alone due to no childcare. This time around we’re opting for a homebirth so we can all hopefully be under one roof!

We do have good neighbours who have said we can knock (if I have to transfer to hospital) and they’ll come and watch our children in an emergency. Would this be an option for you?

So sorry @ThisLimeBee that’s very mean spirited - and very un-family like - behaviour.

take up the offer from friends and colleagues to help.

Personally I wouldn’t be rushing to tell the “grandparents” the happy news or inviting them anytime soon to meet the new arrival. They would probably expect to be waited on, teas served up whilst they took photos of the new grandchild to boast about to their friends (bitter experience of a late MIL who loved to portray herself to all and sundry as doting granny but never changed a nappy)

They may find when they are elderly and in need to care - ideally from family, because its family, that karma is indeed a bitch.

It’s no help now, but consider mirroring her effort in the future. Look closely at what she does for you, and match that energy/ effort. If she doesn’t make an effort to come over, them don’t go out of your way to bring baby to her etc.

Your Mum sounds really horrible op. It sounds like she has some issues of her own. Find a friend to look after your toddler and don't even bother telling your parents you've gone in to labour or that the baby has arrived. They don't seem interested in supporting you so it's probably better not to bother with them.

I’m not surprised you’re hurt, it’s not unreasonable to ask your Mum to help and I think she’s being pretty awful.
As other have suggested speak to his nursery and ask if they could take him at short notice if you went into labour during the day. It’s also worth looking to see if there are any registered childminders in your area.
You sound like you have lovely friends and colleagues who are supportive.
You’ve said that it’s you that initiates contact with your parents, tbh this would make me stop making the effort.
One of my parents since becoming remarried has become less and less involved.
I never ask them for help anymore but we had an emergency a few weeks ago, one of my children had a medical episode and needed to be seen ooh. I couldn’t get hold of my sibling to look after the other children so rang my parent who said they could help, as long as I dropped the other children to them (they drive, and live in the opposite direction to where I needed to take our child ) but that they couldn’t stay for long because they were heading over to friends for their weekly catchup….
Thankfully my sibling rang me back whilst I was on the phone to our parent and came over straight away.
My parent is retired, was always really hands on when we were growing up and when our parents divorced we lived with them. I thought we’d always stay super close, but sadly not.
I don’t reach out to them anymore unless we’re doing something that we invite the whole family to ie birthday parties, after the latest disappointment that’s not going to change any time soon!

I can't comprehend tbh. I have adult children and I would move heaven and earth to help them. Especially in this situation!

I don't know what to suggest. But you are not being unreasonable at all to want that support.

Wow. I’d be pulling myself right away from them, that is pretty shocking.

She sounds awful , I bet she is the first on your doorstep wanting to visit the new baby !

I looked after my first grandchild, as in he was at my house full time, for 5 days when my daughter was having my second grandchild.

I fully subscribe to the 'grandparents should not be expected to pick up childcare' school of thought, however I cannot imagine not helping in that situation! In my case I organised things with my employer in advance. I was lucky though in that I had a very understanding employer, who let me be very flexible at that time. It would have been extremely difficult had I not.

Be too busy to help them when they’re old op

they sound horrible

I’ve been in this exact situation and it hurts. It has soured my relationship with my mother and I don’t think we will ever be close again (although we weren’t overly close before). My mother wouldn’t even help for the youngest for my brother in laws funeral, she assumed I would miss the funeral. My friend had my baby and managed to have a teams meeting from home with him napping in her arms! My mother was miffed to realise I actually didn’t need her.

I don’t have any advice to help you, in my case I ended up with a planned section that was decided just days before (prev birth trauma and this time round they also wanted to induce for reduced movement, this and the childcare issue was starting to cause a great deal of stress - this was the best solution for us). The section was quite healing given the first birth trauma.

it also transpired later that my aunt and uncle would have had my first born, we aren’t close by but they would’ve gone out of their way to help. Since then our relationship has got closer.

I just know I would move heaven and earth for my own boys if they ever have their own children, I know firsthand how not to be and it will make me a better parent for it.

That’s so sad OP. My mother also worked full time when I had my second but she came in the middle of the night took time off and stayed with my first son while I had my second. She was retired when I had my third and still has a particularly strong bond with my second, now a teen, because of the time they spent together while I was in hospital (oldest was at school). It must really hurt that your mother is happy to miss out on that, but it sounds like you have other supportive people in your life which is wonderful. Focus on them and enjoy your little family!

As a mother of two adult children I can not imagine doing this to either of them. Even my own mother who is the most unreasonable women I know would not have done this to me (and trust me, me saying that takes a lot!). I'm glad you have colleagues that you can rely on, but it shouldn't have to come to that. A good shout by pp to ask nursery.

OK so I don't know you and I would willingly take your toddler for as much time a you need for your birth until your spouse could collect your child. Your not asking too much. See if You MIL could or a trusted friend. Im so sorry your mother is like that.

I am probably your mums age, and I am disgusted by her.

All I can say now is ..... remember this when she needs you, and she will. Remember this when she expects your help, and she will. Remember this with needs care, and she will.

Tell her "I can only help you out at the weekend, as you are not good at getting old". Wont mean anything to her as she forgot what she said the moment she said as it meant so little to her (ask me how I know), but it will mean the world to you.

Everyone has covered my feelings about your Mum @ThisLimeBee

I just wanted to say please do ask a friend. I would not hesitate to help a friend out in this situation.

YANBU. Yes your parents are technically not responsible for your child, but it seems very cruel of them not to want to help you out this one time so that you can have support when giving birth. My parents have never once looked after my son before so are not the most helpful grandparents, and even they agreed without hesitation to have him while I gave birth. I would have lost all respect for them if I had to give birth alone because they couldn’t be bothered to have him just one time. I don’t blame you for being hurt.