AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

I think the more you have said the more I can see their reasons for not wanting to help.
You have two full time working adults who still have a child living at home. While he might be 18 even you say he is still at school, so still their responsibility.
They are barely done with raising their own family.
They were probably looking forward to some time doing their own thing without the worry of children but already you are setting expectations for them being grandparents.
They didn't choose for you to have children and while it would be nice for them to help, the uncertainty of timing and impact on their own household means I can see that it's fair for them to not want to help.

Not the same but I once ask my mum (who doesn't work) 1 week in advance if she could come and let my dog out as my dog walker was on holiday. She said no as she couldn't be bothered. I thought she mis-heard the week in advance part so repeated it. She said again no cos she couldn't be bothered.

There's a whole backstory of her being a terrible abusive mother but now as she's getting older and needing help, I can't be bothered with her.

Your parents sound apalling.

I imagine they wont want any help or assistance from you at all when they age?

What about when it is just one of them left and the other isn't there anymore [to help each other]? I guess they won't be asking you for any help at all ever....?

I dont blame your mum. Partners dont need to be with you. Different entirely if you were a single parent.

I would be hurt! I have looked after my friend's first child (overnight) when they went into labour with the second and I've done similar for a friend when one child went into emergency hospital and they needed someone to care for the other one. I did that for my friends and I would think it would be ok to ask them to step up and look after a toddler for a day or two. Everyone is right, though, they don't do childcare now and they aren't interested in starting, it is how it is, sadly.

I would ask a close friend if you have one to have your toddler.

I was trying to find some sympathy for your mum- maybe she's really worried you'll have labour complications and thinks a caesarian section would avoid them. But it won't - that'd just be a difficult type of thing to recover from with it's own quirks. And it's not her choice.

Even if she eventually agrees to care for your older child she's not going to be reliable. Hope you can find a reliable friend to help.

Your parents aren't being at all reasonable unless you're going to say your son is on a ketogenic diet for epilepsy/ tube fed or your mum / dad have physical disabilities that mean they can't safely care for him. It's a request you might make two or three times ever, not floodgates opening to lots of childcare. They should want to help.

I’d use this as a good excuse to cut contact for good. Your mum sounds like an arsehole and I’m being generous. She’s not even doing the bare minimum when you’ll be at your most vulnerable. What is wrong with her? Trying to demean you and force your hand to have a section? Dear me. Please don’t make excuses for her, she’s vile, selfish and she wouldn’t be allowed around my children. Going forward, try and find a support network and even contact the hospital to see if they can offer any advice for your circumstances. I wouldn’t keep your parents involved in anything to do with you or your children going forward.

Pay your own mother to watch her own grandchild for a bit? And she still won't?

She isn't a mother, or a grandmother. She's an acquaintance. I'd cut her off yesterday. Do you have a friend or something your little one can go to?

Right or wrong. If someone so close could not help in these circumstances I'd not what them in my life. I would be so hurt. With the exception if they couldn't accommodate because of work which is fair enough. It's a 1 off kind of emergency.

Like others have said I would help anyone in these circumstances never mind a family member.

People are different, you are clearly a wonderful parent. Good luck with the birth.

She can be down with parenting op . This is grand parenting and really you are not asking for too much .

It's their perogative and if course they are entitled to day no but they sound horrible . It's just a basic kindness and simple support that most decent parents are happy to provide . I'd just keep myself to myself avoid drama and forge your own family going fwd OP and become the parents to your own children that they are not to you .

Our youngest turns 18 in a few weeks and I feel a certain type of celebration - we made it! We got them all to adulthood, but not at all "done with parenting". My kids have been my playmates for almost 25 years, I'll have to go on days out with DH! 🙄😀

I think you should show her this thread.

Well, probably not really.

But it a way it would be cathartic to be able to show her how many people feel so very strongly that she is in the wrong, compared to .. probably less than ten (?) … who have said they can see her point of view.

Not great of your parents to not support you while you labour.
Pretty selfish really.

Make an arrangement with a girlfriend who has a child of a similar age who your DC likes.
Ideally have a couple of play dates at your place and at theirs in the coming weeks.
Do you belong to a church where grandmotherly women attend? That could be another option. Ask a willing woman to babysit at your place.

You will have to work it out.

Hopefully your parents can be of some help after you are home. Invite them over to get to know your children more often.

Not unreasonable to want support & ask for it when you give birth.
She sounds so cold & totally unloving, expecting you to give birth on your own & your dh to miss the birth of his second child.
Many years ago my parents dropped everything when I went into labour with my second. That's loving grandparents.

I hope you will throw this back in their face for future requests from them!

Reading between the lines, with your age and the life stage they are at with one child at home still, it sounds like part of it is that your mum doesn’t support your choice to have children? It’s coming out in a ‘you’ve made your bed, now lie in it’ sort of way like she doesn’t want a tiny bit of inconvenience because she doesn’t think you should be in this situation anyway?

OP has said that her mum's employer is flexible:

'She has multiple times said her employers are supportive, they have had no problem with colleagues in the past leaving last minute for childcare, for various reasons including when a family member was in labour.'

Well this sounds like another reason for your parents not wanting to help. There is obviously a big age gap between you and your brother so your parents are still working and have a child at home. Not easy for them to just want to abandon everything for you.

I’m honestly amazed/disappointed how many Mums wouldn’t drop everything for their daughters/grandchild.

My mum (age75) came over in the middle of the night to be with our young daughter while H took me to hospital.

Giving birth is a really big thing for the whole family - we went to stay in a hotel nearby for our pregnant eldest daughter (our other daughter came too) so we’d be on hand to help with stuff. We had to go out next morning and buy baby clothes/nappies as baby was smaller than expected. We could make sure son-in-law was fed and watered too!

I’d never book a holiday around a due date but I know friends who have - just don’t understand it at all. There have been some fall-outs as a result.

I hope all goes well OP your mum is missing out big time in my opinion.