AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

It’s a day… one single day. Not once a week or even once a month just one single day. If 2 adults even with full time jobs and an 18 year old can’t give up one day to help their daughter while she is in labour then I’m lost for words. I have a job and 2 young children and I’d give up my time to help a close relative while giving birth because well isn’t that what we do for the people we care about?

That’s what fathers are for, if no one else steps up. The child already there is as important as the one coming and can’t just be jettisoned because inconvenient. My H wasn’t there for any of mine, but he did look after #1 while I had #2 and looked after both while I had #3 . That’s his job..he’d be as much use as a chocolate fire guard in the delivery room, just be in the way. That’s why we have midwives. Though his experience delivering would have been useful had I not made it to hospital

This has made me feel so upset on your behalf OP. I think some previous posters have been a little harsh, of course grandparents are under absolutely no obligation to provide childcare or babysit etc but I just cannot imagine being in your mum’s shoes and not wanting to help you out if she can. I would move heaven and earth to help my children and will continue to do so for as long as I am here, as I’m sure you will too as you sound like a lovely mum.

Others may disagree but I don’t feel working full time or having a teenager at home is a valid reason to feel comfortable with not offering any kind of support and being quite unkind to you at what is a really vulnerable time. I hope that you’re able to take one of your friends or colleagues up on their offer to help and that everything goes smoothly this time around! Best of luck and keep us updated with how everything goes.

@AdvicePlsThanks so sorry to hear you are in the same position

I'd remember this when she needs some help OP. When she's an old lady, into a home she goes. What we selfish woman

Is there a friend you can rely on? I'd be going no contact with my family of they were like that. It doesn't sound like you'd be missing out on much support anyway!

Does your mum know that even your boss has offered to care for your child? She should be embarrassed and ashamed that you are getting more help and support from your colleagues than your own mother.

When you said that your in-laws have both died, I wondered whether that has led to your mum thinking that she doesn't have to put any effort into the relationship with your children because she has no competition now as she's the only grandmother your children have. It must be awful for your DH seeing how your mum is behaving when he knows how much his own mum would have loved to help you.

No one is entitled to Grandparent childcare but this is a one off to give birth! They live nearby and are not elderly/unwell from your post they still work.

I'd look into other options - friends, paid nanny (agency can do short term). Heck I'd be willing to help a friend or neighbour if it means their husband can be at the birth.

I think they are being completely unreasonable. I had friends and neighbours roffering to have DD if needed! Thankfully my Dad (local) had her with MIL on standby.

Ask a friend, one with a little friend who your child knows well, is probably the best bet.

I would do this without question for one of my mum friends.

This is really bizarre. I don’t believe grandparents should feel required to looks after grandchildren regularly as it is a huge commitment but I do think it’s very odd for them to be unwilling to help in a situation such as this one. Yikes, extremely selfish and horrible of them unless there’s a huge backstory where none of you get along or you’ve been similarly awful to them for some reason.

Had to reply as in a similar situation. And similar to what another poster has said, I told my mum she’s off the hook completely, because she was making it more stressful than helpful but letting me know what an inconvenience it would be if she were to provide childcare. My family are far away so I’ve be pressing for a c section date so I can plan a different relative to come and stay with us, but like you if that doesn’t work out I’ll be on my own having the baby. I really feel for you. I believe Family should be supporting you at your most vulnerable and I’m sorry that isn’t happening. You are not being unreasonable.

Could any of the nursery staff cover babysitting? He knows them already and you could have them over in the run up to the birth so she is up to speed looking after him in a home environment?
have you not your husband any friends/siblings/mum friends from nursery?
Nanny for the short term?

Sorry to hear that you have such a selfish uncaring mother, majority of people would be delighted to help out in the circumstances, grandchildren are a joy; just remember it when your parents are older and need some help, tell them to get lost.

I would be going v low contact with parents like yours. They are vile. I’m so sorry OP, mine are similar, and it’s so hurtful, but you just have to realise that they are not good people.

I’m so sorry to hear your mum is being like this, the relationship would be over if it was me.

As for childcare, have you asked any of the staff any nursery to be on standby? I work at a nursery and would happily do this for a parent if they had no other options. If they were called in the middle of the night they could come and sleep on your sofa and it would be a familiar face to greet your toddler in the morning, they could then go into nursery together. With the right staff member it would feel like a bit of an adventure for your toddler.

I hope you will up the offer of support from the people who care about you @ThisLimeBee - your friends and colleagues. I wouldn't bother contacting my mother ever again after that conversation. Some of us are just much better off cutting out the toxic parent(s).

I have a huge family around me and never got any help with childcare, nor did I expect it, its just not something that we do in our family as everyone has several dc of their own, jobs and busy lives etc. Having said that I think its very mean of your parents not to have your child while you give birth, its a one off, very important occasion.

You are definitely not be unreasonable, and don’t sound like you ask for much at all.

Like you, I asked my mum to having my eldest whilst having my second child. Also like you, my husband’s parents and my dad are all dead, so we had nobody else to ask. I wanted my husband with me as our eldest had been rushed to intensive care, so a little wary before my second because of that.

My mum is on her own, works 3 days a week, is really reliant on that money. But she organised with her work that she would need to take a day off whenever I went into labour. I would have been devastated if she’d said no/if my husband couldn’t have been with me having our daughter.

I am truly sorry to hear what you’re going through, my heart goes out to you 💐 I do hope everything goes well and you get some help from someone.