AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

That’s so stressful. Can you ask a neighbour that you may be very good friends with? Or an aunt, other close friend?
or a babysitter that you trust?

Thank god you are in the minority.

Absolutely disgraceful from your parents, I couldn't forgive it. You shouldn't even have to ask.

Take the help from your friends and tell your parents not to bother coming to meet the baby because they are shit grandparents.

Do you expect them to leave in the middle of work? If they both work surely you need a plan B anyway

I just don’t understand people like this. It didn’t occur to me that my parents/ in laws would not help out when my 2nd and 3rd DC were born. They planned their schedule around the time of birth as it wss as important an event for them

Grandparents need to realise in my opinion it’s a privilege not a right to have a relationship with their grandchildren, I am so sorry you are going through this. When you are going into have your 2nd it is always such a worry to ensure your first child is being looked after well as they are your baby too. I think I would be trying to make alternative plans as you said when C-section delivery can be unpredictable. You need to mind yourself and your family now 💕

@Moonnstarz Read the OP again - her husband's parents are no longer here.

Definitely ask some friends to help! When my second baby was due my parents kindly agreed to come and look after my first, but they live a couple of hours away. I asked a few friends in advance if they'd be happy to look after my daughter if we needed childcare in a hurry and they all said yes, so it gave me peace of mind knowing that I had the option there if needed.

This is great advice and you must be very strong in the future to stick to it.
How sad your mum can’t see how lucky she is.
Good luck with the birth and new baby x

Hmm I can see both sides on this. Taking unexpected leave might be frustrating for her to get her head around and she might actually enjoy her job and not want to ring in last minute, however great her employer is, and say she can't be in.
She might also feel if she agrees to taking the toddler it might end up being for several days and doesn't want to use all her leave for that.
Also I am not sure if I have missed how much she sees your son now. Maybe she isn't that interested in young children and maybe you just need to accept that.

What about your in laws? You haven't mentioned them and whether they can come and stay if they live further away.

‘Bad at giving birth’ ffs, just when you think you’ve heard everything…

Sorry op, your parents are being rather unhelpful when you might need them the most.
Please reach out to friends - I’d be so happy to step in and have a little one to stay for a night or two if I knew them and they knew me, tbh even if we didn’t have a very close bond and someone needed help I’d do it!

Honestly I’m so sorry they are so shit. Best of luck, and you’re NOT bad at birth fgs, what absolute bollocks.

I usually think we ask too much of grandparents and suggesting that we won’t provide care for them in old age because they don’t do childcare for us, I usually find very transactional.

But in this instance, I think she’s being very cold and cruel. She hasn’t said that she’ll struggle to get time off work (and truly there are few work places where this would be frowned upon) but that she coped and doesn’t want things to be any easier for you. My mother is very similar - we’ve been NC for around 20 years 🤣

Shes bloody horrid, and you’d be perfectly justified pulling right back after this!

Jeez. So cold. My lovely ex MIL travelled from another country to be here before my 2nd birth. (My own mum has not long died). This involved driving our (large) car through a very busy City with me in labour and my 23 month old in the back seat to the hospital where my exH met us. And this is a nervous person. Bless her for that!

It's not surprising you feel hurt. I know a lot of people grumble about expectations on grandparents, but I think even the majority of them would think it's reasonable to expect your parents to help out when you give birth. Work is really unlikely to be an issue, I've worked with people who were birthing partners or childcare for their family, even one for a friend. No one had an issue with them being on call for it.
Have you asked anyone else? My friend came to look after my DC in the middle of the night when I went into labour and I've done it for a friend too. It might feel difficult asking others after the response from your own mum, but sometimes it's the people we don't expect that really come through for us when we need them.

Be sure to remember this when your parents are old and frail and rely on you to care for them…. Not a fucking chance.

I’d be telling your parents that you’ve made alternative arrangements now and hope that they will never be asking you for any form of help or care now or in the future.

I echo the angry comments on your behalf here, but you don’t need to cut them off if that’s not where you’re at. You have the full measure of them now and how they are not there when you need them most, so consider that a gift to you. There will come a time in life when they need more help, and they have freed you of any sense of obligation or guilt. They will just have to make arrangements and get on with it in their old age won’t they.

You need to take your colleagues up of their offer. I know it’s hard. I’m absolutely terrible at accepting help and I’m such a proud person. But in this case, you really need to start building a support network around you because unfortunately your parents have let you down in an appalling way.

just makes me sad my mum is down the road and doesn’t seem to want to help

I think this has hit a nerve with me - my mum died just before I gave birth to my second, she would have had my eldest like a shot. I just can't fathom your mum and feel for you. Friends had my eldest instead and she had lots of fun, was well looked after

Bloody hell, your mum is a cow isn't she! (What about your dad, where's he in this?)

I'm sorry your parents are so uncaring, that must really sting.

I would love to have the privilege of being there to help my daughter in whatever way I could if she were to be having a child, (it’s unlikely for various reasons) and I live a plane flight away from her. I’d be there in a heart beat if she wanted it. Your mother clearly doesn’t appreciate how lucky she is, @ThisLimeBee.
I am glad for you that you have colleagues who have offered their help, tough though it is, maybe, if you can, concentrate on their kindness rather than your mother’s nastiness. I hope all goes well for you.

Absolutely this. Such odd behaviour from your parents ....

That's sad, no suggestions but I'm sad for you reading that.

Absolutely awful OP, I’m so sorry for you.

I have a friend due in June with her second with a similar family situation, and she has some church members (us included) ready to take her toddler. We have committed to take him for 2 nights if need be.

Do you have community around you? If not, it’s time to start building it.

I would be snatching your boss/colleagues hands off for the help and be telling your mom you don’t need her help now (or ever). I’ve been on Mumsnet for the best part of a decade and your OP is one of the most shocking things I have ever read on here. She sounds completely heartless. I’m so sorry