AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

They are cold. I'm sorry OP. YANBU at all.

Sorry i can't edit, but having read back that rasda a lot harder than I intended!

Some employers are really shitty abiut unplanned leave. My current employer is amazing but honestly I have worked for some absolutely awful places. Could it be that this is having an impact on your mum?

I am on the derbyshire/notts/south Yorkshire border...if you are local I am dbs checked and happy to try and help if I can

I am so sorry this was your mother’s response. Heck, I’d be happy to have him while you gave birth!!!!

I am sure a friend will understand, especially if they know your mum…

Oh sweetheart if I was your mother you wouldn’t be able to keep me away and of course I would look after my grandchild. I am sorry this is the response from your mother. can your husbands parents help out?
Good luck with the delivery I am sure everything will go fine this time.

The advantage is that when they’re old and need care you won’t have to tie yourself in knots trying to help . No need to take AL or anything.

Other grandparents, your or your partners siblings?

I'd then ask a good friend. I'd certainly have taken a day to help out a close friend in a fix and birth is very much a one off that I feel like most of my previous employers would have been OK with (difficult now, in a school but I'd take a day unpaid for a close friend).

Grim. Poor OP.

Upside, you’re not there when they need care.

I felt this in my soul! Your parents should start making plans for their later life care that doesn't involve you, that's for sure. Nobody is "bad at giving birth" - how callous! Your mum sounds like she's just trying to justify herself in her own head tbh.

Remember to tell her/them later on that she is just bad at getting older.

I had a very similar situation and let's just say since then, FIL (only family who could have - and initially agreed to help!) has made his own bed as far as I'm concerned. I don't bother with him any more, and he'll wonder why his grandchildren don't know him properly.

Wow your mum is something else. I have a daughter and cannot imagine refusing her like this. My own mother, who's not the most maternal and I have a difficult relationship with, still travelled hours to look after my 21 month old whilst having my 2nd. I hope you find a solution.

That’s awful I can’t imagine saying that to my daughter

I would never speak to them again. Sorry OP.

Just in case it happens, I gave birth alone. My husband had DS as we had no childcare available, no friends or family who could help. In the months leading up to the birth I was full of panic and dread but in all honestly it was fine. Even with an emergency c-section and lots of things not going to plan it was actually surprisingly normal. The midwives and nurses and anyone else involved are always so lovely and take special care when you don't have anyone with you. I promise you the thought of it is worse than the reality and all that matters afterwards is that baby is here safe.

I had the excact same convo with my mother when I had my second DC - I know I can never truly rely on her - she was too busy with a holiday to help

Your mother is a fecking horrible b1tch @ThisLimeBee
You poor thing, I'm so sorry. I would keep her at arms length from now on and protect yourself from her.
I hope everything works out well for you and your little ones💗

That’s just plain fucking nasty! I’d have zero contact with them ever again!

So sorry to hear this, I’m upset for you. Your parents have shown you who they really are- are they often this cold and distant? You are their child giving birth to their grandchild and they don’t want to inconvenience themselves in any way.
Make other arrangements regarding childcare for your toddler.
I would be very very reluctant to let them around your baby or even have a relationship with them. Go low contact and focus on your little family.

Jesus! your parents are dicks!

If you are in cheshire west, I will help you out!

That's awful OP. Even my dad who never had much interest in children offered to be my back up person and kept his phone on 24/7 during the last few weeks. He got a call at 4am and traveled to our house to be there when DS woke. I thanked him of course but I expected it, that's what family do. And if my sister or someone else needed me in the same situation I'd be there. I'm sorry you are not being more supported OP, it's hard to move on from this if DP misses the birth.

I’m the first to say you shouldn’t ‘expect’ childcare from grandparents but this is really awful!

Im so sorry they’re not more supportive!

I’m sorry OP that’s awful. I can’t believe they wouldn’t junp at the chance to help you. I understand you asking and being hurt at their refusal.

My PILs had DD when I has my c/section with DS - they were really helpful as I was in hospital leading up to the birth too. I can’t quite remember how it all worked as it was 20+ years ago. They were retired but still I think your mum is bring v unreasonable (my own parents were dead by then).

Your mother is awful. When I went into labour early with my second, my friend took my eldest until my parents got here (from 3 hours away!)

Good Lord OP, I am so sorry that your parents are so determined to kick you at your most vulnerable. Do you know your neighbours or have any friends/NCT people nearby? Two sets of neighbours offered to be onhand for my eldest, and NCT friends too. I have also offered to be on standby for friends and even school parents. I think you'd be surprised how many people around you will be willing to be on standby, even if you don't know them too well.

Given they are both still working i think it is fair enough to say that they can't guarantee to have your toddler. There are nicer ways to have done it. But ultimately she isn't wrong.

Do you have a friend you cam ask? If not then she is right your dh will have to stay home with the toddler. Could you hire a doula so you aren't alone if you don't have any friends or famiky available?