AIBU to ask my parents to have my child while I give birth?

Thats awful. Im the first person to say gp shouldn't be childcare but this is ridiculous your giving birth not just wanting a night out. I would really struggle to get past that. Do you have any siblings, friends, neighbours who could watch your child instead.

Bloody hell I’d get up in the night to look after a neighbours kid that I barely know if his mum was giving birth. She sounds awful OP, how hurtful.

It’s so shit OP when you can’t rely on your parents even in real emergency. I wouldn’t count on them at all and move to maintaining limited relationship like with a distant aunt/ uncle- it seems that what they are after.
In a way it’s good that your mum is so open and clear in her desire not to be involved with you however it has the other side - you won’t be involved with her . She probably hasn’t realised it yet.

@ThisLimeBee does your toddler go to nursery? If so, you can usually ask one of the childminders there to do care outside of nursery hours.

I’m sorry that your parents won’t help. That seems really unkind and I know it must hurt.

I hope they don’t expect help when they get older…

What a pair of selfish horrible people. That's all!

Sorry OP, they sound awful. I would literally sprout wings and fly if I had to to be there to support either of my dc during the birth of a grandchild.

They have said they would have him on the weekend that you give birth. If you baby is born midweek he’s going to be at nursery during the day anyway so it’s only for a few hours in the evening before he goes to sleep.
so sorry you are getting stressed out over your selfish parents that can’t prioritise their own daughter’s pregnancy.
I hope it works out for you that you can have your baby quickly and safely during your child’s nursery time and your DH can pick him up in time. You have to think that way if you don’t have anyone else around.
I had my daughter by planned c section during Covid. DH had to leave as soon as baby was born and wasn’t really allowed in during my stay. I had my first born at home too but he was 6 at the time. We also don’t have family we can rely on for anything.

Just make sure you have your own plan A and keep your parents as plan B. As long as your baby is born nice and safe that’s all that matters.

You are right about emergencies happening with planned sections. I was booked from 7.30am for my appointment. There were like 8 couples all waiting in a room. We weren’t allowed to go anywhere expect sit in this one room together waiting to be called. They didn’t call me and told me at 6pm that I will not be having my section that day. I was told to come the next day at 7.30am again.

The next day was more drama but because I literally had a breakdown due to them telling me to wait in some random room for 4 hours without my DH or any human interaction until I walked out looking for someone. They literally forgot about me and didn’t book me in. After my tearful breakdown they took me in straight away to have my baby.

Don’t rely on a planned c sections.

Also got god forbid something happens to your parents and they need your help. Will you be available or want to help them?

Sorry again that you are hurt from this but be strong and know that you and your husband can do this together. I have faith in you both.

All the best and I hope you update us. I’d love to know how it works out for you when you do give birth.

Sorry if I'm adding to a pile-on, but ...

My parents (OK, my mum) not only looked after mine when I was giving birth, they also looked after the toddler daughter of their builder when his wife was giving birth.

The builder was Irish and didn't have family nearby. The little girl would have had to spend up to a week in a children's home. This was the 1960s.

Just a suggestion, have you considered asking the nursery where your kid goes. Someone there may do private work out of hours?
Just suggestion if you have no one else to ask.
So sorry your own parents won't help.

Sorry OP. That was a HUGELY unreasonable thing for your mum to say. I’m sorry that’s she’s squandering how lucky she is to have a daughter who wants her help at this really vulnerable and important time.

People who offer to help generally mean it. Take your friends / colleagues’ offers of support.

Good luck with your new baby.

That is grim. Find another solution and withdraw any help you give your parents.

I'd ask a friend but it's really not uncommon for the dad to have the spare kid (I'm an obs anaesthetist) we will totally look after you if you went to theatre. Tbh most male partners are way more of a hindrance than a help. Always much prefer female birth partners as they don't default to the patronising "its OK baby, there there baby on repeat"

Are you an only child ?

I’m so sorry, she sounds absolutely awful. I ended up having an emergency section and was quite unwell, my mum ended up staying with my 20 month old DD for 3 nights/ 4 whole days - and she still worked full time so had to use annual leave - she had told them in advance that she might need to be off at short notice. I hope you can find a friend or colleague who can help. Making me give birth alone would be unforgivable for me!

I think you should really distance yourself from them, they sound utterly heartless and unpleasant. I find it really sad that your mum doesn't want to help you because she didn't get help herself. Surely as a parent you want your child's life to be easier? Hope your friends and colleagues can help you out.

Sometimes there is a genuine reason for a grandparent to say no, but this doesn't sound like it. I'd bend over backwards to help someone in this situation and wouldn't need to know them that well. I hope you can find someone and I'd be in no hurry to visit with the new child, but maybe she wouldn't care anyway.

Bloody hell, that's so far from normal it's unreal. I'm so sorry your parents are like this.

OP, I didn't want to read and run. This is appalling and I feel so sorry your parents are being so uncaring. I'm in the same boat as you, as in close to my due date and planning what to do for childcare with my first. My parents live abroad and my mum is willing to jump on a plane a few days before to help out. I'm sure she's not in the minority. For goodness sake, it's a once in a lifetime thing, it's not regular childcare you're asking for! If you ask, there's loads of people around you who would be willing to help you on the day, I've no doubt.

Your mum is awful. I would help a neighbour in this situation- let alone my own daughter! If she can’t help you in need, she doesn’t deserve any of the nice bits of being a grandparent. I’d be keeping her at a distance for as long as you can after the birth of your second.

In general I don’t ask them for anything, which I know I’m not entitled to anything from them

Do they ever ask for anything from you? Because if they do you know your answer.

And if they want support when they're older - we'll, you'll be working ft by then. Won't you.

So sorry, OP, this is almost unbelievably cold. It's not just the refusal to help, but the fact she is trying to push you to have major surgery that you don't need, to avoid any inconvenience to her. Actually shocking.

DD1 went to neighbours as DM and PIL were hour and a half away. Have you got any neighbours who may be willing

Good luck