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Original poster

AIBU to find constant hugging and saying ‘I love you’ unprofessional? (At work)

112 replies

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:23

I work with this woman who is quite extroverted she enjoys hugging everyone daily (usually full frontal) and will say “I love you” to coworkers.

These people aren’t anyone she’s known a long time, I’ve worked there longer than her & she does this with almost everyone including new hires.

I am more introverted/quiet so these interactions make me feel kinda strange. To me, I only say I love you to people I am close to so I don’t understand it (I am on the spectrum)

We will be on group email or text and she will sign off “I love you!!! 🩷🩷🩷”

i know people are different but to me this seems inappropriate for the workplace (corporate) and makes me feel uncomfortable.
this woman will also disappear frequently throughout the day while she’s stopping and chatting with people (usually small talk that goes on too long)

is this unprofessional or am I being unreasonable?

I also want to add it makes me uncomfortable because if I’m standing there (we work on a team of two) while she’s hugging the coworkers, they then try to hug me, which I’m not a fan of, but it would make me seem cold in contrast to her for me to not participate.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/05/2026 16:44

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:53

I do think it is manipulative because she doesn’t act that way privately with me.

I know one woman in the office has called her fake to her face

she also has gossiped to me about these same women she goes around saying
“I love you🩷🩷🩷”

Show quote history

The person who called her fake is correct. Really no need for this behaviour in an office setting.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:43

WomenCantBeBulliedOutOfResistance · 12/05/2026 16:40

I might be off base, but could some of this be performative to make you feel left out? A bit of bullying/ostracising maybe? I have seen similar behaviour before and from some of your posts I'm getting this impression. Like she's desperate to show off to you what good friends she is with everyone, but there’s another aim, to dig at or unsettle you?

I think it could be! She has gotten rather irritated in the past hearing a coworker refer to me as sweet. I’ve also been at this company longer than her so perhaps she feels threatened.

I’ve also gotten unwanted attention from male delivery drivers (which I don’t like or enjoy) and maybe she’s jealous about that? I find the attention from these men gross and I dont like it. She will engage in long pointless conversations with them. She’s a married woman I’m not married.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/05/2026 16:42

I’d hate this.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:41

I’m definitely thinking about causing a stir if I decide to leave. I don’t know if it’s just me being on the spectrum I don’t understand why one would go around saying I love you to people who are acquaintances.

her behavior making me stressed adding up over the years has definitely made me irritated and ready to snap and quit 😪

I feel like if I were to say anything I’d be met with “but she’s so kind” these women in the office don’t spend long hours with her one on one throughout the week. She’s not this bubbly delight with me. I do think she’s attention starved though.

OP posts:
WomenCantBeBulliedOutOfResistance · 12/05/2026 16:40

I might be off base, but could some of this be performative to make you feel left out? A bit of bullying/ostracising maybe? I have seen similar behaviour before and from some of your posts I'm getting this impression. Like she's desperate to show off to you what good friends she is with everyone, but there’s another aim, to dig at or unsettle you?

Monty36 · 12/05/2026 16:33

mumofoneAloneandwell · 12/05/2026 16:18

Shes fun and happy, she means no harm!

Edit - she should be nicer to you though given that you're more reserved. But if youre making it clear you dont like her, maybe shes got her back up?

Maybe just make it clear that you really dont like hugs and affection from people at work x

Edited

There is nothing harmless about her behaviour.
It is causing this OP to feel uncomfortable. And I suspect she knows it.
And enjoys it. She has the manager in her influence.
Trust me, other people including those who do all the ‘love you’ back will hate it.

She can certainly look to move to a different part of the office ? Or a new job.
She should have clear work tasks. And focus on achieving those. And don’t do any work the hugger is supposed to do.
The OP should be polite but not show she is uptight about it.
Certainly repeat to her line manager if she starts being difficult.

Otherwise ignore it. Ignoring it will do her head in.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 16:31

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:18

She is close to the manager and will take long lunches with him, I’m aware other people
in the office building have talked about seeing her up there for long stretches of time and not in the building where she should be but she’s not been addressed officially about the situation.

she apparently heard the gossip and doubled down and said “I was with my manager” instead of saying. “Oops lost track of time”, my manager told me this that she’s aware. It’s made me look for another job because I don’t think it can be fixed without me causing a massive stir about it.

If you are thinking off leaving anyway, why not cause a massive stir?

They can't fire you for objecting to this unprofessional invasive behaviour & it might just work out in your favour - at the elast you might get some nice long gardening leave.

Surely your colleagues aren't really happy with this?

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:31

ginasevern · 12/05/2026 16:27

I'm afraid I'd have to vomit over her if she told me she loved me. How do the other colleagues react, or are they all of the same unctuous mindset?

One of the senior workers just looked at her blankly and chuckled when she says it to her

the others seem receptive and engage with the full front squeezing, saying I love you back etc

it just makes me feel awkward and cold in contrast on the group chat when the previous text from my coworker to the people in the office was
“thank you gorgeous, love you🩷🩷”
and I have to begin the new message “good morning!, such and such”

I am very quiet, aside from professional greetings, a tiny bit of small talk most of what I speak about is work related when I do talk to these people.

OP posts:
RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 16:29

OMG I would hate this - its hugely inappropriate & feels very manipulative.

Complain to HR & get them to tell her to keep her "love" & hugs to herself.

ginasevern · 12/05/2026 16:27

I'm afraid I'd have to vomit over her if she told me she loved me. How do the other colleagues react, or are they all of the same unctuous mindset?

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:21

mumofoneAloneandwell · 12/05/2026 16:18

Shes fun and happy, she means no harm!

Edit - she should be nicer to you though given that you're more reserved. But if youre making it clear you dont like her, maybe shes got her back up?

Maybe just make it clear that you really dont like hugs and affection from people at work x

Edited

The only thing is it does take time out of the day with her going around hugging everyone.

she also isn’t this sweet bubbly delight with me behind closed doors in the building we are in together majority of the time

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 12/05/2026 16:19

I’ve never done this or seen it done at work. 🤷‍♀️

mumofoneAloneandwell · 12/05/2026 16:18

Shes fun and happy, she means no harm!

Edit - she should be nicer to you though given that you're more reserved. But if youre making it clear you dont like her, maybe shes got her back up?

Maybe just make it clear that you really dont like hugs and affection from people at work x

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:18

She is close to the manager and will take long lunches with him, I’m aware other people
in the office building have talked about seeing her up there for long stretches of time and not in the building where she should be but she’s not been addressed officially about the situation.

she apparently heard the gossip and doubled down and said “I was with my manager” instead of saying. “Oops lost track of time”, my manager told me this that she’s aware. It’s made me look for another job because I don’t think it can be fixed without me causing a massive stir about it.

OP posts:
CurlyKoalie · 12/05/2026 16:17

Next time she hugs push her gently but firmly away and say, " Don't hug me, I don't think it's appropriate" in a quite loud but firm voice.
Even better if you see her coming offer her a handshake or hi- five instead. She'll soon get the message.

ClairDeLaLune · 12/05/2026 16:11

Who on earth are the 8% saying you’re being unreasonable? How could anyone think this is OK.

This would drive me insane OP, it’s completely unprofessional and also time-wasting and attention-seeking. She should sit down and get on with her work. And her manager should tell her this.

I hope you’re not having to pick up the slack when she off hugging and loving people. Eww it’s made me 🤢🤮 just typing that!

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:09

I want to add her demeanor with me is more stern, but she’s soft saccharine sweet with the staff up front (especially the women)

I am naturally soft spoken and reserved with everyone. She has gotten bothered in the past when coworkers have referred to me as “sweet”.

She’ll say “she’s not sweet!!!”

like I never claimed to be? I just try to be professional and I’m polite/soft spoken.

OP posts:
HoldMyWine · 12/05/2026 16:05

Urgh no I couldn’t cope with that. So unprofessional.

Galaxylights · 12/05/2026 16:04

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:33

I want to add sometimes it makes communication inefficient because on the group chat, if we have to ask coworkers about a particular task, she will have multiple lines of text saying things like:

hi beautiful!!! 🩷🩷🩷

I love you!!!🩷🩷🩷🩷

Then she will send gifs saying “you’re amazing” or something along those lines

then have to scroll and scroll to find the information for the question we were needing the answer to

Ewww.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:57

I’ll also add one of the women in the office who has worked there over 20 years, this woman said “love you” to her and she just looked at her and chuckled in response.

it’s frustrating to me though because there’s tasks to be done and it’s time consuming when she goes around greeting/hugging/chatting/I love you squeezes throughout the day so I feel highly annoyed/irritated.

I like to tackle the work tasks and get them done, then I can relax at work if there’s down time some days.

Not socialize then have the tasks pile up and work in a frenzy to get them done before 5

OP posts:
Monty36 · 12/05/2026 15:55

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:53

I do think it is manipulative because she doesn’t act that way privately with me.

I know one woman in the office has called her fake to her face

she also has gossiped to me about these same women she goes around saying
“I love you🩷🩷🩷”

Show quote history

Yes, it is insincere and over familiar. So false.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:53

Monty36 · 12/05/2026 15:49

I would suggest it is manipulative.
It is a ‘show’ she is in favour with you. Or you with her. It is something done for the benefit of other people to see.
But inappropriate in the workplace setting.
The only way it is okay is amongst people who are already established friends.

I do think it is manipulative because she doesn’t act that way privately with me.

I know one woman in the office has called her fake to her face

she also has gossiped to me about these same women she goes around saying
“I love you🩷🩷🩷”

OP posts:
FieryA · 12/05/2026 15:51

That is very irritating. Perhaps raise it with your line manager that her extreme behaviour is making you uncomfortable. Is there anyone else who feels the same? A colleague you are close to? Then they can raise it too.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 12/05/2026 15:50

I worked with someone who is very touchy-feely and would hug you every time she saw you. If she met you in the street with family, she would hug them too. I see her now every so often and she's still at it. I am a hugger but never with colleagues

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:50

She does the same thing with the manager (hugging, not so much the hearts and love yous) but he doesn’t say anything to her about it as far as I’m aware. I’ve mentioned it to him in private and he agreed and found it odd.

i know it’s no big deal but when I begin my messages with “good morning!” It makes my greeting seem cold in contrast

OP posts: