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Original poster

AIBU to find constant hugging and saying ‘I love you’ unprofessional? (At work)

112 replies

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 15:23

I work with this woman who is quite extroverted she enjoys hugging everyone daily (usually full frontal) and will say “I love you” to coworkers.

These people aren’t anyone she’s known a long time, I’ve worked there longer than her & she does this with almost everyone including new hires.

I am more introverted/quiet so these interactions make me feel kinda strange. To me, I only say I love you to people I am close to so I don’t understand it (I am on the spectrum)

We will be on group email or text and she will sign off “I love you!!! 🩷🩷🩷”

i know people are different but to me this seems inappropriate for the workplace (corporate) and makes me feel uncomfortable.
this woman will also disappear frequently throughout the day while she’s stopping and chatting with people (usually small talk that goes on too long)

is this unprofessional or am I being unreasonable?

I also want to add it makes me uncomfortable because if I’m standing there (we work on a team of two) while she’s hugging the coworkers, they then try to hug me, which I’m not a fan of, but it would make me seem cold in contrast to her for me to not participate.

OP posts:
Easterchicken · 12/05/2026 19:41

Me and my best mate at work always say love you
Coz I do love her she's a massive support and a huge part of my life we spend 9-10 hours a day together and we have a close relationship despite been VERY different

However we would NEVER say it on an all teams chat on teams or WhatsApp etc

MyLimeGuide · 12/05/2026 19:28

This woman sounds unhinged and definitely one to be wary of. Ive got a male colleague that always hugs me at work, I find it annoying!

Hayfield123 · 12/05/2026 19:12

I wouldn’t have this! I can’t stand to be touched by strangers and I certainly don’t say I love you to anyone other than DH and DC I would have to tell her very firmly don’t touch me

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 18:37

Nofeckingway · 12/05/2026 18:33

Yuck . I wouldn't even want my nearest and dearest to talk like that at me . As for co workers , feck off . I would have to ask her to stop being ridiculous.
What industry are you in . I can't think of any one that I've ever been in where this would be acceptable. She sounds like the most annoying person .

Exactly! I feel awkward saying it to my real loved ones. The industry is health care related.
I’ll admit this company has always been poorly ran, and not the greatest reputation locally.

OP posts:
Nofeckingway · 12/05/2026 18:33

Yuck . I wouldn't even want my nearest and dearest to talk like that at me . As for co workers , feck off . I would have to ask her to stop being ridiculous.
What industry are you in . I can't think of any one that I've ever been in where this would be acceptable. She sounds like the most annoying person .

Turnitoffnonagain · 12/05/2026 18:33

I think her behaviour is manipulative and unprofessional. I'm not a hugger, and would be backing away swiftly if she tried to hug me. Too bad if she didn't like it. Let her be uncomfortable about it. 🤷‍♀️

user1494050295 · 12/05/2026 18:29

Do you have admin rights on the group chat? If so remove her messages with hearts and irrelevant comments saying to keep it professional so answers to questions can be found quickly

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 18:27

Ludmilaandthelonely · 12/05/2026 18:23

@Rocketpants50- its not just you..it happened at my workplace and I hated it. Also lots of 'hugging' and 'we are a family' talk - when in fact it was a large organisation and not in the least family friendly.

Exactly! And I have no problem being friendly, greeting people, a little small talk but the rest seems so phony and disingenuous to me, I can’t stomach it, just too over the top

OP posts:
Ludmilaandthelonely · 12/05/2026 18:23

@Rocketpants50- its not just you..it happened at my workplace and I hated it. Also lots of 'hugging' and 'we are a family' talk - when in fact it was a large organisation and not in the least family friendly.

Rocketpants50 · 12/05/2026 18:15

I thought I had it bad with my managers they end every message with xx.

Its just odd - or is it me? And not very professional.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 18:09

ShizeItsWeegie · 12/05/2026 17:46

This is all about manipulation and getting away with doing half the work expected of her. The " I was with my manager", tell you this in addition to her bizarre behaviour.

She sounds diagnosable quite honestly and it would make me feel really uncomfortable.

I do wonder about that, she does have health issues so I know she must not feel very good most of the time, I try to think it’s not intentional that she is dodging work but it probably is, she also loves to talk so much she frequently loses track of time

OP posts:
ShizeItsWeegie · 12/05/2026 17:46

This is all about manipulation and getting away with doing half the work expected of her. The " I was with my manager", tell you this in addition to her bizarre behaviour.

She sounds diagnosable quite honestly and it would make me feel really uncomfortable.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 17:44

I WFH & I have to go to a work function next week. My big boss will be over from USA & I know we will hug.

I'm cringing internally about it already 😁

Edit to say it will be a genuine & warm hug but I still would prefer not to.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 17:43

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 17:07

It seems so empty to me just throwing it around like that! I think I feel sickened too because she’s so gooey over the top sweet but in private she is quite different, very critical of women’s appearances (if we were discussing a random celebrity) and just generally commenting on women’s looks.

She doesn’t put down mens looks as much, she also is quite into slut shaming women which I find gross (I just don’t like to broach the topic)

I have struggled with insecurity so I don’t like to judge one away or another how someone appears.

she sounds riddled with fakery - this must be very difficult OP.

Lins77 · 12/05/2026 17:33

I mostly work remotely, so when I see someone in person who I like and haven't seen for ages I'll often hug them - but I wouldn't do it on a daily basis. And I don't tell them I love them!

Natsku · 12/05/2026 17:22

There's some people in my workplace that like to hug but its genuine, they're just friendly women - this woman does not sound genuine so that's what makes it sound off and uncomfortable.

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 17:07

It seems so empty to me just throwing it around like that! I think I feel sickened too because she’s so gooey over the top sweet but in private she is quite different, very critical of women’s appearances (if we were discussing a random celebrity) and just generally commenting on women’s looks.

She doesn’t put down mens looks as much, she also is quite into slut shaming women which I find gross (I just don’t like to broach the topic)

I have struggled with insecurity so I don’t like to judge one away or another how someone appears.

OP posts:
DilettanteRedRagger · 12/05/2026 17:03

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:48

No I’m a woman

Show quote history

This is very TikTok. I joined and people were saying “I love you” to me when I’d barely known them a month or less. There’s absolutely nothing special about me to inspire love 😂 I’m not sure if these people just think “I love you” is a positive thing to say to people, but in the end, it’s just really fucking immature. Indicates that person doesn’t know what real love is or that it takes effort; they’ll be just as likely to become abusive and hateful, as I learned. You can be kind and respectful to coworkers without hugs or I love you’s; save those for people you ACTUALLY love and want to hug. I don’t particularly WANT full-frontal contact with Alan from accounts, but I’m also autistic, @theodextrey.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 12/05/2026 16:50

Monty36 · 12/05/2026 16:33

There is nothing harmless about her behaviour.
It is causing this OP to feel uncomfortable. And I suspect she knows it.
And enjoys it. She has the manager in her influence.
Trust me, other people including those who do all the ‘love you’ back will hate it.

She can certainly look to move to a different part of the office ? Or a new job.
She should have clear work tasks. And focus on achieving those. And don’t do any work the hugger is supposed to do.
The OP should be polite but not show she is uptight about it.
Certainly repeat to her line manager if she starts being difficult.

Otherwise ignore it. Ignoring it will do her head in.

Edited
Show quote history

Just because someone is an extrovert, doesnt mean they're being horrible?

Gosh, people are all different

As long as she is kind and respectful of the fact that not everyone is bubbly, which sounds like she does need reminding of, she shouldn't have to make herself small

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:48

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/05/2026 16:47

Are you a man OP?

No I’m a woman

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/05/2026 16:47

Are you a man OP?

Original poster
theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:47

She also can be so mean talking about women who are conventionally attractive, picking out any minor flaw and being very, very critical.

But she will call women who aren’t conventionally attractive “gorgeous” and “beautiful”

I don’t like to talk about women’s looks, im just stating what she does, she does struggle with her weight and puts zero effort into her appearance but will critically tear apart a perfectly attractive woman’s looks very mean spirited, but perhaps she’s just very insecure.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 12/05/2026 16:46

She sounds extremely weird and manipulative. And very unprofessional.

HoldMyWine · 12/05/2026 16:45

She wants to be Queen Bee

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/05/2026 16:45

theodextrey · 12/05/2026 16:43

I think it could be! She has gotten rather irritated in the past hearing a coworker refer to me as sweet. I’ve also been at this company longer than her so perhaps she feels threatened.

I’ve also gotten unwanted attention from male delivery drivers (which I don’t like or enjoy) and maybe she’s jealous about that? I find the attention from these men gross and I dont like it. She will engage in long pointless conversations with them. She’s a married woman I’m not married.

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She’s jealous you’re being called sweet as she thinks she is a queen bee type and should be the only one thought of as sweet. I’m sure a few others think she’s a right pita.