Husband threatening divorce over a holiday.

Absolutely this..but as others have said threatening divorce over this is way over the top

Call his bluff.

It's not ok to threaten divorce.

That threat didn't materialise put of nowhere.

It's born of some deep hostility or resentment or desire to exercise power over you. None of that is good.

This 🖕

Would depend what image you showed them. Yes the skin tone of the people maybe different but that’s it (and not even then if you were looking at a crowd of people in Italy or Greece vs. Morocco or Tunisia.)

So you are black British, your daughter is half white British, half black British and he is her biological dad from so far on this thread..correct? Do you have family ties to Africa /South Africa e.g. grandparents and are you going because of something like that or are you just going because you like it & what to visit? There is a South African at work (white) who said it's not that safe. Is this the reason why /is it financial reasons he's given ? Either way...its a bit weird (e.g. manipulative/controlling ) for hubby to threaten divorce just because he doesn't want to go /doesn't want you to go?

Absolutely nobody's said or implied that Africa's homogeneous, have they?!

The point is that there are blindingly obvious differences between Africa and Europe. Show someone an everyday crowd scene in Greece or Finland, they will not think it was taken in any African country.

This line of thinking goes "Because countries differ within continents, there is no difference between continents." Bonkers, innit?

Depends on the country. There is huge amounts of diversity Jo’Berg and Cape Town reminded me far more of London that Rome or Madrid.

Oh I see you want to go to a different country. I don’t get the relevance of your heritage as that is not where you are travelling to anyway.

Can you not simply pick a compromise location.

This is disgusting im sorry you’re dealing with this. He should be embracing your culture and encouraging your daughter to also. My husband is Indian heritage. I look forward to taking our kids to India one day, their dadi ji is trying to teach them Punjabi and we celebrate Indian holidays. This is how it should be.

Your husband sounds truly bonkers. That said unless her heritage is from South Africa her heritage isn’t relevant. If it is does that mean he is blocking you seeing family?

Why can't he go with you? It's so important for you to show your child where you come from and surely this is something he should have expected.

From his viewpoint I see concern about you and young daughter travelling in a country he's not familiar with, typical DH/DF protective attitude.

So he’s emotionally manipulating you into not going on a holiday? I’d take such a dim view of that. He’s an arsehole.

Fair enough if he doesn’t want to spend his own time or money on a particular location, but he’s blocking you going? Nah! He’s not worth it. Don’t let him behave like this.

Enjoy your holiday!!

To threaten divorce due to a holiday dispute is bloody

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with op wanting to take her child to a black majority country, even if she has no link to that particular country.

op says she can afford it so all the comments on expense are pointless

But it's not all the same, I think it's simplistic to think that they are THE SAME. I mean what similarities are there between Finland and Greece? Apart from being in Europe.

Your DH is being very controlling and threatening divorce over a holiday is ridiculous. There must be more issues in your marriage than that.

That said, @KiggiCalli, if your heritage/family has no links to the country you are thinking about visiting, I think any argument about your daughter linking with her African heritage is on very shaky grounds. I know this is not the basis for your own argument, but it seems to be an assumption that PPs are making.

I am not expert on these things, but I would imagine someone from Ethiopia for example could be offended if someone suggested that taking an Ethiopian child living outside of Africa to Botswana on holiday would give that child any idea of what it means to be Ethiopian, just because they are both in Africa. It would be like taking an Irish child living outside of Europe to Greece on holiday and asking if they felt closer to their ancestors. But perhaps as a British African you could confirm whether Africa is as diverse as I believe it to be.

I am also not entirely sold on the argument that if you pay it makes a difference. Your DH should want your daughter to benefit from a diverse experience and to contribute to the cost of that. However, if he has a legitimate concern then the fact the money is coming out of one bank account or another is irrelevant. You are a married couple and unless you are planning a divorce than I would always consider my and my DH's funds to be shared even though we have separate bank accounts.

But to threaten divorce over a holiday is nuts.

I have been very lucky visit many countries in Africa, on various styles of trip (Safari, visiting family and friends) and can totally understand wanting to visit with your daughter, especially as you have heritage there. I have a very young child and plan to take her for a safari in a couple years and hopefully visit friends. I hope your husband comes round to the idea, and falls in love with the continent. One of the of the bonuses too is very little jet lag.

She isn’t going to visit her country though. She is visiting a random country in the same continent as some relatives are from.

European countries are more similar to each other than to African countries.

If you look at photos of a busy marketplace, you'll be able to tell whether it's in Africa or Europe.

I'm not sure whether the many replies like this are from people who've never experienced culture shock, so can't imagine it, or are just tedious nitpickers.

He is dramatic. Has he heard of making a compromise before packing his bags.

Africa is a big continent. Are you taking her to Nigeria or somewhere he might have legitimate safety concerns or are you going on safari which is expensive?

If he’s worried about safety when OP has said she is going to a safe place then he needs to educate himself

many many places in Africa (I wish we could be more specific here as there are rather a lot of countries!) are safer than Vietnam, the long haul place he wants to go

Quite reasonable assumption when the OP referred to "my" rather than "our" daughter.

I think he's completely unreasonable. What's his issues? Is he afraid? Is the cost too high? What are his concerns that he objects to the travels so much?

Hello lovely, I've just travelled to South Africa with my mixed heritage children because like yourself you want your children to know her history her heritage and like myself my daughter has been asking many questions about race, where she is from, why isn't she white etc which is absolutely heartbreaking! Not enough representation for her to feel happy in her skin! So I was soo happy and proud to take both my daughters to see Africa and know that they are not alone in this world there are many of her skin tone in Africa! It's very important to do this! I was in the same situation without the threat of divorce! It was so tough to get the green card but I had to reassure my husband I'd be safe, I'd look after ourselves, reassurance is key! He might be really uneasy about this, imagine reading all the bad things portrayed about Africa online?? My husband always shows me this but I have to constantly remind him not all areas are like this and to stop tarnishing the whole country and nation like this! Luckily I have family there so this was easier to navigate but I totally understand your husbands concern! Threatening divorce proves his level of concern so maybe try to give him reassurance like a plan of your travel? Family you'll stay by? The area you'll stay by, Google the crime rate and show him? This isn't a joke for you both, divorce is drastic but you can do this! Please take your daughter it's soo important! My daughter is now much happier with her skin tone less of the wanting to be white and appreciative of knowing Africa her heritage and I'm sooo happy too! Good luck