Husband threatening divorce over a holiday.

Your partner is missing out hugely. We are a mixed couple too, and we love travelling to Africa. (Our 6 year old has already been to 3 African countries, and we've booked to visit another 2 next year). X

I’m not sure @KiggiCalli is coming back but at the moment she doesn’t seem to really understand his issue so really that conversation needs to be had

and he needs to understand why this his important to her - maybe it’s not the country of her heritage but I can understand why she would want to take her child to a part of the world where her mother is not a minority

I don't think it's quite this simple. For most people a holiday is a huge part of their budget. I can't physically stop my DH from going on an expensive holiday without consulting me but I'd be seriously pissed if he did. If he took my daughter out of the country without my approval I wouldn't quite go as extreme as divorce but it's not something that I'd forgive easily and it would make me feel very vulnerable as well as pissed. I wouldn't dream of spending thousands on a holiday and travelling hours on a flight if my DH wasn't comfortable with it tbh.

wow!! Shocking! what a dick, pathetic and controlling. I would say book it and go anyways, but the risk there is that he could report you for international child abduction.

Why didn't you take her four years ago?

If it was a holiday where you would see your family I would agree. But just to visit a country you have no relation to whatsoever? Only because you're black and it's in Africa? I understand your husband. I think family holidays should be decided by both partners.

Is it because you are not going where home used to be, so he is failing to see the historical reason for going?

would he change his mind if you were retracing family history ties ?

Depends if there’s more to it? His reaction is quite extreme so is he worried you’re going to stay out there ….maybe if you haven’t got a good marriage? Is he worried it’s not safe for his daughter?

i guess you have embraced their cultures then unlike OPs husband.

It’s literally in the quote you cited that she hasn’t.

I won't pretend to know loads about Africa OP but I do know that it's incredibly culturally diverse probably even more so than Europe. If you aren't even planning on going to your country of birth then is your daughter really going to be able to embrace this side of her heritage? Or are you using this to try and get your own way? If she was half Japanese, for example, would you not find it a bit ridiculous if DH started insisting he wanted to visit Vietnam for dd to 'experience her heritage'... That said neither of you should be threatening divorce over a holiday. That's ridiculous. You need to seriously unpick that either privately or in counselling.

Has he explained why he doesn't want to go? To threaten divorce he must feel strongly about it.

I would do more research and show him where abouts you want to go. Show him the place you want to go to and the tours and hotels ect. Some reviews from people would be good as well. Africa can be a daunting place for someone to visit because some places gets bad press and can be dangerous. I think at 13 your child will be ok on a long haul flight so I wouldn't worry about that.

I have lived with or married women of 5 different races, colours and cultures and benefited hugely

I wonder what his grounds for divorce will be ? 🙄🙄🙄
Will you miss him if he divorces you ? If not, he can jog on to Europe. You may have a better time with you and your daughter anyway. He's not nice.

Sounds like there must be something else going on OP. What is your marriage like in general? Has he threatened to divorce before? I agree with other commenters that threatening to divorce over a holiday is extreme and unreasonable. I am assuming though that this is not out of the blue? I would be wary of controlling behaviour like this. Especially if you are paying, you are allowed to go on holiday somewhere even if your DH doesn’t want to go. He can’t make you stay at home. Could you book a short stay somewhere local as well to pacify him?

Threatening to divorce to divorce over a family holiday is insane though, but I think the mixed race + African country bit is a little irrelevant unless there’s a broader backstory

The Africa part isn’t relevant though if it’s not your home country, it’s just a random holiday then that he doesn’t want you and your daughter alone to go on, and wants to go elsewhere?? By pointing out she’s mixed race, you made it sound like something it’s not?

He is being controlling and overreacting ….. I’m wondering about where his behaviour is coming from.

does he have some type of fear underlying the behaviour? If you can find out this you can probably address it

What is the most relevant point to me, is the fact that he is so willing to mention divorce.
Is this manipulation? Is there something more to this story? Because if not, Id be quietly making my own plans for divorce.
Id not be taking those sort of threats lying down and he'd be in for a very nasty shock - at my leisure- if hes making empty threats.
I totally get the idea of a family holiday and could see his point, but if hes willing to threaten divorce that easily then id venture to suggest that this family is not that important to him, but getting his own way is.

lots of context missing besides I think anyone planning long haul currently is mad, like who know what way the fuel shortages are going to go or indeed prices?

What about a closer north African country if it's the long haul thing he's bothered about?

Have you considered dropping him off in Europe on the way? Perhaps by parachute?

Honestly. What a stupid stance for him to take. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and your daughter. It is his choice not to go. As for divorcing you because of it, he sounds terribly controlling.

Threatening divorce makes no sense but a lot of this makes no sense. Mentioning her daughter’s (but not her own) heritage despite not planning to go to that country anyway.

The husband not wanting to do long haul to an African country but happy with Vietnam.

OP referring repeatedly to “my” daughter.

Then threatening divorce over a holiday you are not paying for?

There is a lot of context missing.

He believes a family should holiday together not separately

What that actually boils down to is that he believes the family should holiday where he says, not where you would choose. He is willing to impose his choice by threats.

I don't think I'd stay together another day, tbf.

He doesn't care at all about 'family' or 'togetherness'. He cares about making you submit to his will.

you're married to a racist