Husband threatening divorce over a holiday.

I think your husband is being very unreasonable. This is a great time in your daughter's life to connect with her African ancestry and culture, and I'm sorry he can't relate to that. Though I am assuming that you're wanting to visit your home/ancestral country.

Well, divorce it is then!!!
No way should he be dictating whether your dd can/should explore the other half of her heritage.

God, there are so many racists on this thread. @KiggiCalli post over in Black MN, sis, for better perspectives. And your husband is being controlling.

What is his specific issue with the trip? North Africa isn’t very long haul, for example.

Africa is a huge continent. It would depend where the holiday is going to be. I mean if he says you’ve been to Africa relatively recently, you can counter with well you have been to mainland Europe recently (assuming you have!).

Have you got relatives in the location that you plan to go to, and are they relatives that your DH has an issue with?

I don’t really understand the specifics.

Can you give more context, like where have you all been on holiday in the last 10 years?

It reads like it's possible that the last holiday anyone had was you and that was 4 years ago, and so its possible to infer that he wouldn't be happy with you having the holiday budget and unilaterally deciding how it's spent.

Also, it's all very well saying that families should holiday together, but if one member of the family has veto power on all trips and regularly uses it beause he only has a very limited type of trip that he's willing to do.... then I'm afraid the "we should holiday as a family" argument starts to fall down somewhat.

This is one of those things that depeds on where and when and how long and how much.

So if it's a once off trip, and you'll still be doing loads of family holidays/family time, and it doesn't impact the family finances too much and it's not too long, he's being ridiculous. I think it's wonderful for children to have time with just one parent doign things like this. DD and I had a lovely 5 day trip last year. DH has taken both kids at different times for weekends away camping/sports gigs etc. They are amazing memories.

If, on the other hand, this kills the budget for any sort of family trip or you plan to be gone for a month or if you want to take 2 weeks every year for a trip with just you and her, then I would have more sympathy for him.

Botswana is magic. The Okavango delta is one of the most astonishing places on earth.

A random friend of yours went to an unspecified location in Africa and said it was dangerous 🙄 Does that rule out a whole continent?

I’m pretty sure the OP will be doing some research before deciding where to go…

I always hear such lovely lovely things about Botswana.

This is the kind of thing where you book it and don’t give him an option to prevent you from going. Don’t tell him you’ve booked or he might cancel your daughter’s passport or something silly. Also make sure you know where her passport is, and keep it somewhere safe where he can’t hide it from you.

He can’t prevent you from going on holiday with your daughter. So just take her, and only tell them you’re going on the day of the flight.

He sounds abusive and controlling. How dare he prevent his mixed race child from accessing her culture.

OP are there other examples of him being controlling and threatening or is this a one-off?

@faithfultoGeorgeMichael

OP said Sorry forgot to add it is our daughter together.

Is this a case that is your family annual holiday and you would like it to be Aftica but he doesn’t like flying long haul which South Africa would be?
Could you do a family holiday short haul and also the trip to Africa for just you and your daughter? Or do funds not stretch to that?
Whats the reason for the no long haul flights? Cost? Boredom? I mean, most people find them expensive and boring.

Africa isn’t a country. OP and her husband visited South Africa four years ago, she hasn’t said that’s where she wants to go this time.

Furthermore, while South Africa does have generally high levels of crime, white tourists aren’t systematically targeted for being white and millions of tourists travel to South Africa without incident every year. The wine regions, Cape Town, safari lodges and the garden route are all thriving tourist destinations.

Crime in South Africa is geographically very uneven, and the people who are substantially more likely to be victims of crime than white tourists are South Africans living in certain townships or unsafe areas in cities. South African crime is overwhelmingly driven by poverty, inequality, gangs and organised crime, so this narrative of white tourists being particularly unsafe doesn’t hold water. If you stick to known tourist areas, you’re very unlikely to experience difficulties.

I was just sitting here thinking I’d LOVE to go to Ethiopia!

There's is definitely more to this story.

Go on the trip before you're divorced and he can stop you (joking not joking)!

What are his reasons for not wanting to go himself? And, by extension, DD

Why do you assume that the child is not his?

He should understand and respect how important it is to you and your shared daughter. He should want to be part of it because it means so much to you.

It awful he wants to prevent you from going.

So you went to South Africa 4 years ago, your daughter has never been, you want to go somewhere in Africa because your daughter has mixed African heritage. Why didn't you take her then? I feel there is more going on here than is being said. Where exactly were you planning on going? Is it just that it's long haul?

You're with the husband in threatening a divorce because you don't want them to go on a holiday outside of Europe? What part of that sounds reasonable?

@KiggiCalli If he's threatening divorce over this, then the marriage must be rotten anyway. Unless there's more to it.