AIBU to want regular gym time while on maternity leave?

My youngest (of three) is 13m old and, like your baby, likes to feed all night instead of sleeping, so I totally get your need for a break!

I do think that three or four evening gym sessions is potentially quite a big chunk of your shared evening time though? I’m not sure how old your eldest child is, but mine go for their bath at half six, so going to the gym between husband returning from work and getting kids sorted would take up all of our evening “family time”. Going out for over an hour after bedtime would be tricky as the baby would be guaranteed to wake up. 🙈

I tend to go for a 5k run a couple of evenings a week, which only takes 25 mins - a home workout could also be good as there’s no commute time. Husband goes to his sport one evening a week. I do a longer gym class that I love on a weekend or we take it in turns to do a longer run.

I returned to work this week, but whilst on maternity leave I did most naps with baby in the sling and felt I got quite decent me time walking around with a sleeping baby whilst listening to a podcast. Don’t know if that might be an option?

No. Using strangers as a weapon against your husband is not ideal. My husband also works shifts and if I was dipping out three times a week I’d never see him or the kids.

If you want to know what comes from being unable to communicate with your husband and running to everyone else for opinions let me know. I’m 45 and I’ve had my own marriage fail and I’ve seen few others dear to me fail as well.

He sometimes gets alone time but granted not as ‘dedicated’ as my few hours are. He might have a run here or a weight workout there- however trains daily in the gym at work.

So he does get time for himself and he should understand your wish to do something for your own fitness as well as your MH.

When he is in the gym at work how does that work out for time? Does it mean he leaves earlier or gets home later?

We all need our own time, how much own time does your partner have between work and family life?

You are being unreasonable because you are not communicating with your husband and trying to find a balance. You are asking strangers on the internet for validation instead of looking for peace in your marriage. This won’t end well.

I joined a gym with a Creche when I was on maternity leave and went during the afternoons. With no family nearby this really helped give me a break.

Does your husband ever mind the baby on his own? I think 3 times a week is reasonable - he can do an activity a few times too!

Of course they should get equal time.

Yes she is home all day with baby while he works all day. But arguably she could do home workouts when baby is asleep if its just the fitness thing. If its time away from the house and baby she needs then of course she should get it. But its unfair not to say that he should also get that if he doesn't already.

Why it is fair that he goes to to work all day, then comes home and gets handed the baby straight away 3-4 times a week if he doesn't also have any time to decompress at another time?

I like to read these threads to my 14yr old son.
If a young teenager can understand why a mum to an 11m old might need 3 hours a week to themselves your husband might need to give his head a wobble.
Of course you're not being unreasonable.

Please ignore all the equal time people.

you are home with the kids parenting 24/7, its not unreasonable to want or need a break.

will you be returning to work shortly? Could you start baby on taster/intro sessions at nursery and as an interim use the time for gym or even get a parent/friend to watch baby for an hour. I know it doesn’t solve the hubby problem but it does solve the ‘you need a break’ problem. Sometimes your mental health matters more than these ‘you must have equal time down to the exact minute’. Being in a relationship is a partnership & a being part of a team, sometimes its not equal but the other is there to pick up the slack in times of need and vice versa. Thats what happens when you support people.

talking of returning to work, is that also something to be considered in terms of family time around DH’s shift work

Finding a gym with a crèche was an absolute life line for me on mat leave. It was a council run gym in Peckham so nothing posh, but you could do an hour of exercise and leave the baby with some sweet old ladies in the crèche.

He sounds controlling, lacking in empathy and lazy
It would be great for him to take a months shared parental leave, you go back to work for a month or do a course or something but stay out the house full time
Then tell him hes not allowed to go the the gym/hobbies/socialising

Not unreasonable at all. And honestly, whenever I read about men “wanting more family time” what I hear is that they want less time looking after kids on their own (because in fairness it can be a bit lonely and boring when you’re not used to being the primary carer - but that’s on him, not you). 3-4 gym sessions is a good number, you need at least 3 to make meaningful progress. As long as you work around each other and agree on timings to suit you both, he should be encouraging and pleased for you.
I started going to the gym/classes 18 months ago after having my 3rd baby. I’m lucky I can go some mornings whilst they’re all in school/nursery as I wfh flexibly. But I do usually go out at least 2, sometimes 3 eves or two eves and a weekend day. My husband finds the kids hard work on his own but has not once moaned or discouraged me from going. If he did we’d be having a discussion but I would not be happy about reducing my time just because he doesn’t want to look after the kids on his own. That said, I live close, blast out a 45 min session (supersetting to make the most of my time) or class and shower after kids are in bed.

It’s so important to get something for yourself that goes for both of you

how does it work thought are you literally straight out the door when he come in from work

Creche at the gym?

As long as you both get equal time to do something by yourself then it’s fine.

Your DH is an arsehole and of course personal time for you is completely reasonable

If you both have time out then it's fair? Even though it is working, he's out in the day with grown ups etc, you need to be able to have adult conversation time too!

I'd probably try and do two workouts at the weekend though as 90 mins or more is quite a lot in the evening, but easier to find at the weekend. Bottom line though, if you're struggling with mental health, he needs to step up and support you just as much as you need to listen and compromise if he feels put out.

Of course its fine for you to go to the gym a few times a week.

But does he get the same? Does he get chance to unwind and have time to himself several times a week? How would you feel if he came home from work and, 3-4 times a week grabbed his kit and headed straight off to the gym?

If he doesn't get chance to do the same then I totally get his annoyance to be honest. He is out working all day while you are home all day. He comes home and you immediately pass the baby to him so you can go out to the gym. What about family time? What about his time to unwind?

Do 2-3 and do a work out at home (cardio or pilates)
not unreasonable to want down time.

YANBU but both of you need time to yourselves

Translation: he doesn’t want to be left alone with the baby.