AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

6 years between my two girls. Its been fab. Eldest was capable of helping when sister was a baby, and as they both grew eldest helped more, taught her sister things, I honestly think its made her more mature and also my youngest is super independent now.
Age 12 and 6, both up and ready for school themselves from age 10 and 4, they both go downstairs and start sorting cereal and fruit and doing their packed lunches.
By the time we get downstairs they are eating breakfast its fabulous. Makes mornings a breeze....my youngest learnt so much from my eldest and they have a lovely bond

Its nice too as my 12 year old still plays with her sister, so it keeps her young and innocent

I feel you are being completely sexist and unreasonable. Children are whole, sentient beings in their own right. You said yourself not to stretch yourself financially. Your boys deserve the best.

Childbearing isn't a game of Pokémon.

Yes! Thank you!! I firmly agree with you.

Controv but I was the same as you after 2 boys and didn’t feel complete. We had a 3rd and it was a girl and I 100% felt complete and definitely would never ever consider another baby! I wonder how I’d feel if it was another boy - we would never have had a 4th but I wonder if I’d never have felt totally complete?
She is amazing and completed our family but I am def much closer to/ have more in common to my sons. But it was never about “having a girl” so much an experiencing both? Maybe this will change as they get older (all still primary) but just to say I understand exactly how you feel.

I'm the girl in between 2 boys. I knew that mum very much wanted me to be a girl - but I'm afraid I was definitely NOT the girl she'd imagined. of the 3 of us, I was by far and away the least close to her (we really didn't get on, if truth be told). I always felt like I was a massive disappointment to her, despite achieving very highly (much higher than my brothers) in my academic life and my career.

I'm telling you this because you clearly have some vision of what this imagined daughter would be like. I spent my life not living up to my mother's expectations and she only told me she loved me when she was close to death.

OP - you seem to have a fairy tale dream about your future family.

Forget it. This is real life and not a dream. Your children are small at the moment and you have total control over them. That will not last. They will become their own people and not the people you have dreamed of them being.

Think about practicalities - you have little money at the point your children are the cheapest they will ever be (if you're not paying childcare). Your partner works 6 days a week and is uninvolved with the children. (based on him getting more involved during paternity leave it does sound like this is due to lack of time rather than inclination). You don't want to work because you dream of spending time with your children, so that won't change.

You said he wasn't invested in the two you have. That sets huge alarm bells ringing for me

What is this procedure!?

I know someone wanted a girl after two boys. They had the sperm analysed and discovered it was boy heavy (whatever the medical term is for that I don’t know) so they went through the hassle and expense of getting the sperm treated in some way, or spun? - anyway whatever the process it was it meant the the remaining sperm would be 80% girl 20% boy.

Their third child was a boy 🤦‍♀️ The mother was very upset. Even though they knew there was still a 20% chance it would indeed be another boy.

I'm more worried you are talking about part time work, maybe giving up work, and still referring to "partner". You are making you position more and more vulnerable as time goes on. I'd think about protecting yourself and the children you already have before i thought about another.

And thats without thinking about how he isn't particularly invested? My husband works many many hours that is not an excuse not to be a loving and involved parent.

Why would you want a 3rd child with someone whose a shit dad? YABU on both accounts.

Are you planning to get married? Giving up your job and not earning puts you in a very vulnerable position if not married unless he is trying to make sure you are protected - eg house is in both names so you are accruing equity even when not working, putting savings in your name etc.

Well maybe your lazy partner needs to step up

What do you feel you’ve missed out on? I ask because I have two sons (both adult now) and I never felt I had missed out on anything. Not judging, just genuinely curious.

I know someone who did this (mother of an ex boyfriend) - she ended up with 5 boys. She has though got 4 granddaughters and 4 grandsons so she got her girls by proxy the generation after. I have two boys - I would love a grandaughter one day but what will be will be

I understand your desire for a girl as I have two boys who I absolutely adore and wouldn’t change at all but do sometimes feel like there is certain things I will miss out on by not having a girl but then at the same time I will get so much from my boys, there’s no guarantee the girl would fit the picture I have in my mind and actually if I was to have a third I think a strong part of me would want it to be a boy to play with my existing boys and because my boys are amazing. Ultimately I just think I am so lucky to have them.

if you have another child make sure it’s because you want another child and not because you want a girl.