AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

I can never understand women who prefer to have a certain gender baby. A child is blessing regardless. What is it that you think will be different having a girl & why would having one of each complete you? Surely having a healthy baby regardless of it's sex should be all you hope for. You have two healthy boys you love & adore, if you want another baby then talk to your DH & agree together but please don't have another because you want a girl. Have it because you have the love & money to care for it as you do your 2 boys. If you do decide to have another baby & it's a boy will you still feel you need a girl to complete you?

Your bar for a good father (apparently after improvements?!) is that he sometimes changes nappies or goes out somewhere with his children. Or “helps out”, as if it’s a favour and not his responsibility to do any parenting?

You really do need to listen to what many posters on the thread have tried to tell you, @Karma1387.

You have no job or income. You’re doing nothing to address that which makes you and your existing children very vulnerable. The longer that situation persists that harder it’ll be for you to find employment and develop your potential to earn a decent amount to support your children. Your partner is clearly barely parenting at all and you stated he is “disinterested” so there is a very high chance that you will end up needing to provide for your children yourself.

You then stated that it’s fine because you plan to get married at some point when there are more assets to divide. What exactly do you think would be your partner’s motivation to agree to that when he would, at that point, stand to lose money by doing so?

Why would you even consider having another child, even at some unspecified point in the future, increasing the likelihood and potential impact of all of these risks you have created, before you even address any of these matters which obviously requires your urgent attention to ensure stability for the children you have already?

That still isn’t an answer to the question about what you think would be different about having a girl and why this is important, which you keep deliberately avoiding answering.

Why does this matter? And matter to the extent that you’d be happy to have another child with a man who you state is disinterested in his existing children and in a situation where you would - by your own admission - make your existing children’s childhoods much poorer by having another child?

😅

I know someone who did this but the other way around. Basically her DH already had a son when she met him and then they went on to have four girls, she desperately wanted to also give him a son which I found utterly bizarre. I think she was somehow jealous his ex had given him his ‘heir’ (very medieval!) and she wanted to also give him one… She finally succeeded with the fifth child and had her tubes tied. Weird behaviour imo. Her DD’s are also all named after colours and not the usual ones you’d expect like Ruby…

Anyway that’s beside the by. I don’t understand and can’t relate because I had miscarriages I guess and so the gender of my children was completely irrelevant, I just wanted them to be alive.

And there’s not exactly a plentiful supply of perfect baby girls either.

FFS!

Maybe just enjoy your tiny baby and see how you feel in a year or two. Two in my opinion is a relationship game changer, you might decide three will tear you apart

It can take years to go through the process of adopting. It did for a friend of mine

There’s also the adoption option OP. When you are settle in and see you can afford it, adopt a baby girl. Better than the 50:50 chance you are setting yourself up for

OP I have never felt this way, I do have 2 and 1 of each, but the age gap is over 10 years, so I was on the “one and done” train for a while.

But I have heard of people that have had this unexplained desire to keep trying for a certain sex, and they do. They tend to have lots of kids, and then something settles in their heart when they finally get their desired gender.

I’ll be honest, I do not think it’s fair on existing kids and I also don’t think it’s very fair on the partner.

I know someone who wanted a boy so bad, her eldest is 18 and she finally got her boy 7 kids later! She seems happy, posting how being a boy mum is so special and different - but it makes me wonder why she put herself through all of that and why she risked giving her 6 daughters a below mediocre life.

I know it’s not the same. But you could easily end up having a big family. If you can afford it and want that, nobody can stop you. But like you said, children are expensive and these days it feels even more important to invest in each child.

It sounds like you could be alright if you gave an additional. But I would advise to enjoy your baby for now.

It’s a decision between the head and heart. I hope you make a decision that is right for you and family.

It gets harder especially financially as they get older IMO.

i would stick with and enjoy your 2 DS - unless circumstances drastically changed (like a new partner who is very engaged and much bigger household income).

Also for the ‘right reasons’ - “in the hope of a girl”, “completeness” of both genders isn’t.

Unwatch thread

@karma1387

That literally is advice….very far from a thread being derailed