Ds wants his dad to visit him but Dh isn’t comfortable

No-one is stopping DS from forming a relationship with his dad. There is no good reason why OP and her DH should open up their home to him if it makes either of them uncomfortable. DS is a grown man - old enough to make suitable alternatives. It’s been pointed out to you several times now that bio dad has been disrespectful to DH and his family before he’s even breached the threshold of their home. Are you seriously suggesting they should welcome this shit stirrer into their home so he can cause more disruption ?

Sure, true.

But it's what the kid wants. Not what he wants. He needs to step back and put the SS's wishes first. It's a bummer for the H, but it is what it is. He needs to step back and put the boy's wishes first. It's not all about the H. It's about the boy and what he wants. Nobody else.

So the bio father has the right to force his will on the “kid”

He’s not standing in his way, he’s saying he is not welcome into the family home, because he’s not part of the family.

He is just a sperm donor.

And that gives him the right to force his will on the kid? He is not the biological father. And if the kid wants to see his bio father (regardless of how deadbeat he is), he shouldn't stand in the way. He is forcing his will because his nose is out of joint from being disrespected. He should just put the kid's feelings above his own hurt.

It’s not his wife’s child, it’s his step son, that he raised as his own, as have his family.

Ths person who has seen this man 12 tones in his life is a sperm donor, nothing more!

And that gives him the right to force his will on the kid? He is not the biological father. And if the kid wants to see his bio father (regardless of how deadbeat he is), he shouldn't stand in the way. He is forcing his will because his nose is out of joint from being disrespected. He should just put the kid's feelings above his own hurt.

As pointed out, we don't even know that the son actually invited him to the actual house.

I have already referenced the bio dad's comments before.

My point is, I still don;t't believe it is justification for the H to take out his hurt and bruised ego on his wife's child. He should rise above it and put the needs of the kid first. He is punishing the kid just because he feels insulted.

A son that he’s raised?

Ds would like him to come over and see his house and where he lives and spend time with him here

You don’t think that indicates an invite?

Well you clearly missed the one where OP described in detail how bio dad thoroughly disrespected DH and his family - you know, the ones who actually did the work bringing DS up. Or do you think it’s fine for this dead beat to suggest to his son that the only family he’s ever known are not ‘real’ family because they’re not blood related ? This man is little more than a sperm donor who has ducked out of the hard work of bringing up his own son, favouring his own ‘new’ family to the point where he has kept DS totally separate from them. Why on earth you think OP and her DH should open up their home to him is beyond me.

No-one is suggesting DS shouldn’t have a relationship with his bio dad if that’s what he wants, but there isn’t a single good reason for forcing the man who is actually to all intents and purposes his father, to choose between watching this cosy reunion taking place in his own home regardless of his own feelings, or as some posters are suggesting, going out for the day and leaving this man with the run of his home in his absence. DS is a grown man - there are plenty of alternatives to bio dad coming to their home.

Wow. You've already had one attack deleted. Are you the OP's controlling H? I could make that claim if I were so inclined, since you seem so personally invested in defending a man who's bruised ego is punishing his wife's son.

Well you clearly missed the one where OP described in detail how bio dad thoroughly disrespected DH and his family - you know, the ones who actually did the work bringing DS up. Or do you think it’s fine for this dead beat to suggest to his son that the only family he’s ever known are not ‘real’ family because they’re not blood related ? This man is little more than a sperm donor who has ducked out of the hard work of bringing up his own son, favouring his own ‘new’ family to the point where he has kept DS totally separate from them. Why on earth you think OP and her DH should open up their home to him is beyond me.

No-one is suggesting DS shouldn’t have a relationship with his bio dad if that’s what he wants, but there isn’t a single good reason for forcing the man who is actually to all intents and purposes his father, to choose between watching this cosy reunion taking place in his own home regardless of his own feelings, or as some posters are suggesting, going out for the day and leaving this man with the run of his home in his absence. DS is a grown man - there are plenty of alternatives to bio dad coming to their home.

As pointed out, we don't even know that the son actually invited him to the actual house.

You’re the errant father, you’ve got to be!!

There really should be a rule, in breach punishable by mumsnet (not sure how though) that everyone should read all of the OP's posts before responding, not just the first one. Then people who have actually read all the posts and responded due to that due diligence aren't wrongly attacked.

It’s not his son……

Or had you forgotten that?

How’s the headache?

As pointed out, we don't even know that the son actually invited him to the actual house.

Especially when as someone already pointed out, it was the son who had the first say of all and unilaterally laid down what was happening.

Especially when as someone already pointed out, it was the son who had the first say of all and unilaterally laid down what was happening.

He should rise above it and not be spiteful and take out his hurt and spite on the son.

Bizarre

Because he knew what the waste of space sperm
doner has said had said about him and the others that raised his son!!

🤦‍♀️

Irrelevant. She should still have had the option to speak before he shut her down. As I said, Not wanting a say doesn't matter, it's the fact he laid down what wasn't happening. He didn't even give her a chance. Or the son a chance.